Disclaimer: I don't own Hikaru no go or Schizophrenia by Blue October….so just don't sue me and enjoy .

Chapter 2

Touya stared at the person in front of him. Shindo was just crying hysterically, it had taken a lot of strength and effort to get him back to the apartment out of the pouring rain. He set a cup of hot green tea in front of the damp boy. He tried to convince Shindo to change clothes. However, nothing was getting through to him. Akira sighed and sipped his tea, trying to look…what was the word, ah yes, supportive. But Shindo didn't seem to notice, anything but his own thoughts. Part of him wanted to start a conversation, the only issue he only knew how to talk about Go, Shindo, and….. Oh who was he kidding..Go.

A silver plated numbing gum
And Jesus resting on my thumb
A hard to reach malaria
I've got the mood that seems to scare ya.

"I'm sorry," Hikaru muttered, feeling a shiver, taking his cup and just holding it. "I didn't…I didn't…"then the tears started to stream down his face again.

"I don't understand what you are sorry for," Touya whispered, "I was the one who brought you here. I just thought you could use some company."

Hikaru remained silent then finished his tea. He glanced up Touya, he eyes shone with concern and something else….he almost blushed at what he thought was there. Desire, Want, and Love…the emotions were practically swimming in a teal sea. Hikaru couldn't handle it now; he loves someone who doesn't exist. Damn it…Akira…you…. He stood up, Touya looked up startled, like he was about to walk out of a game.

"Hi…Shindo," Touya whispered even more worry draped within his voice.

"Touya," he snapped, blonde locks whipping around to cover his eyes. "I'm going and there's nothing you can do. Don't look for me. I…I…just…need to….find…"He trembled trying to compose himself, but he knew he was falling and failing, this is not the time. "I need to be alone for a while. Don't look for me. I'll come back when I'm ready."

"Shindo," Touya stood up and quickly grabbed his arm, pulling him close. Hikaru's eyes were wide as their bodies pressed against each other and froze not knowing what to do next. "Just promise me." He licked his lips, not realizing how Hikaru's eyes fell on his small pink mouth. "Promise me, that you'll still play…Go… with me, but when you're ready." Then anger raged inside of Hikaru ripped his heart at the seams as he pushed Touya roughly away and stormed towards the door.

I'm paranoid, self destroyed.
Believe me lord I'm sorry

Hikaru felt sick to his stomach he had no idea why. He had just run out on Touya, again. Only this time, unlike earlier, the boy did not come after him. Why did he care if Touya was coming after him? He isn't chasing me….he's running away from me…like always….Sai, please just come home….Just come home.

I've got the mood that seems to bury ya
I've got the nightmare called...

When Hikaru reached the door, he paused and turned to find Touya on the ground, staring up at him in horror. His face didn't falter; it was the same as his serious Go face as he stated, "Touya." The boy looked up, trying to compose himself, ignoring the pain on his back and arms, "I will play you…and knock that old imagine of me out of your memory, forever." For a moment, their eyes locked and Touya didn't know what to do as Hikaru opened and slammed the door with all of his resolve.


Hikaru sat silently on the train, his backpack right by his side. The scenery raced by and his cell phone was ringing off the hook. From his parents, Akari, and he was surprised that one persistent number kept coming up. It was an unknown number so naturally he ignored it the first times. Then after the fifth, he was really tempted to flip it open and tell the other person on the line. The seventh time, he almost did it, however reason rushed from the darkness of his mind. Then the tears came pouring down as the phone continued to ring as he pressed 69 and Touya Akira popped up on the screen. Then just when he was about to pick up the phone for real that ninth time, the ninth call never came.

I cry. I cry and I don't know why.
The fever becomes my home

Touya cursed and pitched his cell phone against the wall. It shattered under the shear force, flying towards the different corners of the room. He was angry, worried, and wanted to know where Shindo Hikaru was. It had taken him all day to get through security at the Go Institute to get the number. And the bastard wasn't picking up. "Damn you, Shindo." He bit his lip and headed out….towards the address tucked in his pocket…it was his last resort and he just prayed he wasn't too late. Questions that had been echoing for months on end, ever since his father had retired, they continued to scream in the back of his mind. Shindo, why I chase you? Why do you chase me? What made that stop? Why?...Shindo!

I cry. I cry and I don't know why.

Hikaru arrived at the hotel and dropped off his stuff while heading down the street. He was able to blend in with the crowd, amazing how even within a city of many, he was still alone. He never had been really alone since he was thirteen and now, he couldn't stand it. His feet stopped and he looked up at the sign of the museum, then all his control collapsed as he raced up the stairs…Sai!...Oh god…Please…Sai! Then his search really became frantic.

The fever becomes my home.
Becomes my home.

Touya was in shock as he talked with his parents. They had no clue where Hikaru had disappeared to, he wasn't anywhere. He wasn't answering their calls either. It was Touya's greatest fear come to life, Shindo had vanished…just like Sai had vanished…but he had reappeared…again only to disappear.

"Anno, excuse Shindo-san but would you mind if I looked at his room?" Touya asked, he furiously fought the blush. "Maybe he left a note…or a clue."

"I already looked but…" she paused, "you're his friend so maybe you might understand all of this…it all revolves around Go and my husband and I don't really understand."

"I'll try my best," Touya stated as he raced towards the single room.

Taking a deep breathe, he opened the door to reveal a single room that had a whirl wind hit it. The walls were white, but on the floor there was kifu all over, mostly Mejin Touya and other higher ranking dans. He even found his own scattered on the floor, some under Ogata-san. Then by the bed, there was a single Go board. However, there was a game with an inch thick of dust. The stones were in the middle of a game. However, it was obvious that white was winning and the moves were similar and yet they seemed to compliment the black. It was obvious that black was struggling to keep up, and was HIkaru's moves, for it still had a couple of mistakes but they were only obvious when playing against this opponent. So if black is Shindo…then who was white? Then Touya really looked at the game, sitting as he was Shindo, in the shadows, he saw a man with a large black hat and a single fan covering his face. "Sai."

Touya's face paled as he looked around the room, really looked, something must have happened and now Shindo was looking for Sai. He took another deep breathe and looked around and stared at the map on the desk. It had a single route and city circled in red pen. Teal eyes widened as he found his feet possessing him as he ran down to the train station.

I love it when you're holding me.

Shindo stood in front of the grave of Kuwahara Torajiro, more commonly known as Honinbo Shusaku. He just stared and bowed at the tomb in front of him, "Torajiro-san," he whispered, staring at the inscription, "Onegia, if you have Sai…please give him back. Give him back!" Then Hikaru collapsed, crying and screaming, only to have the wind answer his call. Then a soothing shadow hovered over his body.

You have a gentle way of calming.
I haven't felt that way since 1993,
When my mother held me.

Hikaru woke up to stare at the grasslands in front of him. The dying maple leaves scattered and flew to the wind as a lone flute sang in a traditional Japanese song. Hikaru froze as he stood up, there was a man in a long white robe, with a tall black hat, and long purple hair. "SAI!" he shouted. But the man did not move towards him, only turned away and continued to play on his flute. "SAI! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I'll let you play! Please come home!" But then the world of the setting sun and scents of grass blades faded to black as the man disappeared with the ending of the song.

Hikaru woke with a start to find his body cramped in his position and someone poking him.

"Ah, see I told you he's still alive!" an elder man announced with a smile to his companion. "Well, kiddo, were you planning on camping out here?"

"Ah…sorry," he whispered and pulled himself to his feet.

"Its ok," the old man stated with a smile, "You just won me 500 yen. Besides, it's not everyday that someone comes up here. Are you a fan?"

Hikaru paused and then looked down at the tomb, and gave the man a smile, "Hai."

"Really," the old man was very surprised. "Do you play…Go?"

Hikaru paused for a moment, and then nodded. The other man smirked and nudged his companion. "I'm sorry I'll be going." With that the boy turned and headed towards the hotel.

In the distant he could hear the other older man shouting happily, "I told you that he was a pro! I saw in the Weekly Go at the end of the Pro Exams!"

"Shut up! You still need to pay up!"

Hikaru sighed and shook his head only to freeze in his steps. There was the last person he wanted to see right now, "Touya what are you doing here?"

"I want answers Shindo, and I want them now," was the only reply he got.

I bet you're waiting for a long sob story
OF how I was mistreated again.

"I don't have to answer you," answered Shindo. "Why are you here, Touya?"

"Because you wouldn't pick up your phone," Akira snapped, "I was worried. Your parents are worried. Why are you here? I thought you had vanished! Don't…"Don't leave me like that. I thought I was going crazy for a while.

"I am here because I was looking for someone," Hikaru answered trying to remain calm.

"Sai, you were looking for Sai," Akira whispered, he hope, prayed, that Hikaru would confirm his theory but there was no nod or yes. There was no answer. Just the same hollow look and he tried to walk away. Only this time, Touya refused to as he pushed Hikaru against the closest tree and their bodies pressed against each other. But unlike the last time, instead of lips hovering over lips, they touched briefly. Touya pulled away, his bangs covering, both boys were breathing hard. Hikaru stared at Touya in shock, his heart was thundering. Then Touya looked up, still surprised that Hikaru was standing here, "I….I….Shindo…I"

"Shut up, Touya," Hikaru didn't question his body as he pulled Touya back, this time crushing him against the tree and prying his mouth open.

No, I wasn't built that way.
I was strong but desperately brave,
And I didn't mean to scareya...

Hikaru didn't know how they held onto the second kiss for. Only that when he pulled away, Touya now stared at him with shock, desire, and hope, it was unreal and he craved more. Then long hair fell over teal eyes as they concentrated on the ground. "Touya…" Hikaru wet his lips and pulled away, teal eyes continued to stare at the ground, "I'm…sorry. I'm not the one you are chasing. Go home."

"Shindo!" Touya shouted, and then one tear fell from his eye, running down his cheek. Something in Shindo's heart pang and screamed at the familiar image. "Do you have any idea how I am feeling, you have to answer me! I came all the way from Tokyo to see that you were all right. You have been chasing me and chasing me all these years. You have my full attention now. And I care about you. And you…and…what the hell do you want from me?"

"Akira,… I have to find him," Hikaru answered, he turned away.

"Don't….go," Touya whispered as he tried to pull the other boy back. For a second, their fingers touched a spark and his heart thundering against his chest. Like that night, in the rain. However, Hikaru continued to walk on and didn't look back. Then Touya collapsed against a tree, and the tears started to flow, he didn't have the strength to pick himself back up.


Hikaru got to the bottom of the stairs and finally fell on his face. Then he ignored his scraped hands and knees, and cried hard. The evening moon was shining overhead and the Milky Way was shining overhead. His heart was being ripped from his heart and he knew the answer to his question, Sai was gone. And now Touya was chasing after him, like he always wanted. Then the tears broke through as he picked himself and head towards the hotel. He would leave here in the morning and go home. He needed….he needed….his bloody hands touched his lips. The warmth and taste of Touya still lingered.

I cry. I cry and I don't know why.
The fever becomes my home.

Touya didn't see Hikaru again for a month. Every time he heard a mention about Shindo, his mind went back to that evening, against a tree. The lips were warm and soft, while the tongue pleaded for more, more than a human life could allow. His heart was torn between wanting to play Go and Shindo. Why couldn't he have both? It was obvious that Shindo felt the same, otherwise he wouldn't have been kissed like that. It had tasted of the out doors and fresh air…and rain. He shook his head, that stupid night had tainted the image of Shindo, the man was like a rain shower. You wanted to jump for joy and scream in pain at the same time. And right now Touya couldn't even see anything but Hikaru. Not to mention, he was standing at the entrance of the Go Institute.

I cry. I cry and I don't know why.
The fever becomes my home.

Hikaru was finally able to pick up a Go stone after the trip. He had run into Isumi, who he hadn't seen in a long time. Then with Isumi he got the strength to play Go again. So he wasn't surprised, when he looked up at Touya Akira, with hard eyes. It was his first match in a long time, it was good thing his Go hadn't gotten that rusty in his silence. Taking a deep breathe he walked up to Touya, and he was surprised that the boy didn't storm away like he always did.

"Touya," his eyes stared into teal eyes. A flash of that evening as his heart rate picked up.

"Shindo," teal eyes were hard, nothing was getting through this time. But Touya wanted to finish what they had started that evening. Shindo could see it, even if Touya wouldn't accept that feeling.

"I'm going to my match," Shindo held teal eyes steadily.

"I'll be at the Go Salon," Touya answered firmly and walked away, "and I won't wait for you anymore."

Becomes my home.

Touya watched the clock, it was getting late. Why was he still sitting here, going through an old game, it was just the same game he had played since he had snuck into Hikaru's room. It was the game that was uncompleted he had only seen it long enough to remember. It drove him, made him complete, and he needed to know. Each move was a complement to the previous; it was a dance that was frantic, desperate, and beautiful. Just as he placed the last stone, he looked up at a shallow gasp, Shindo was staring down at him hard, and his eyes were on the edge of fading into nothingness against.

"You came," he stated hiding away his emotions. Part of his heart started to beat again, that feeling he had tried to tuck away returned ten times stronger.

"Ah," Shindo stated as he placed his bag down and took the opposite seat. Touya moved to remove the stones so they could play. They were finally after all this time, going to play Go, together.

"Don't," Shindo stated quietly, Touya looked up rather startled. "I have a few questions I want to ask you." The boy with blonde bang shading his eyes looked up for a moment, "Who do you think is who?"

"You are black," Touya stated trying to catch his breathe, there it was again. The Milky Way in Shindo's eyes, and he was getting lost in its depths. "And…Sai is white."

"Now I'm going to ask," Hikaru stated quietly, "who are you chasing?"

Sai, Touya's mind shouted only for him to stop before pronouncing the name. He looked at Shindo, really looked at Hikaru. No, that's not completely true. "Both," he answered. Shindo's head snapped up like he wasn't expecting that answer. "You've grown a lot, Shindo. Sai has a lot of knowledge but you compliment Sai in this game. You two are complete together. I thought that white was easily overpowering black but in reality you both work together towards the same goal."

"The Divine move," Hikaru whispered, Touya almost didn't hear him. He didn't know what to say, that move….that move….of all the moves….

I cry. I cry and I don't know why.
The fever becomes my home.
Becomes my home.

Shindo tried to hold back the tears as he weakly asked staring down at the unfinished game in front of him. "Touya," he whispered. "Would you play Go with me?"

"Hai," Touya stated softly, giving the boy a gentle smile. He again moved to clear the stones from the board. Only for Hikaru to catch his wrist and sparks flew as Akira's eyes met Hikaru's. His heart was pounding again.

"Would you play this game with me?" Hikaru clarified.

"Demo…Sai must be coming back to finish it," Touya stated. Then he stared at horror as he realized, He didn't find Sai. Sai is really gone. Then he gave a gentle smile, "Hai, I will play this game with you, Shindo."

"Hikaru," the boy sitting across from him stated. "Call me Hikaru, Akira."

"Hai, Hikaru," was all the answer Touya stated as they started the game from beginning. Black stones and white were placed upon the board echoing through the Go Salon. Hikaru playing as Hikaru. Touya playing as Sai.

As the two different colored stones created a picture of battles, borders, victories, and defeats, in the shadows stood a man with a large black hat and a white robe. His face was hidden from a fan and face framed by long purple hair. Behind the fan, a smile of joy with tears of sorrow fell into eternity.

The End

WR: I told you I would finish this thing if it was the last thing I did. . Hopefully, it won't be the last thing I do…anyway I hope you guys enjoyed it. Review…it keeps me knowing how I am. PS…this is one of the first serious fics I've done in a while so just let me know.