Title: Hikaru's Counter-Emo Master Plan (Chapter 7/7)
Author: Jengou
Fandom: Ouran High School Host Club
Genre: Emotastic!Crack (Humour)
Pairing: Kaoru/Hikaru (implied Mori/Honey and Tamaki/Kyouya)
Spoilers: This fic takes place at the end of episode 21, the afternoon after the Halloween class event.
Description: Cause: Kaoru is acting emo. Effect: Hikaru becomes a manwhore.
Disclaimers: Ouran High School Host Club is created by Bisco Hatori.
Acknowledgements: Super galactic THANKS to elict for betaing this! She is the coolest and most encouraging beta in the world :)

Chapter 7: Where Our Heroes Seek Indisputable Evidence

"It's all YOUR fault!" The twins yelled in tandem, pointed to each other accusingly. "You should have pushed me away when the train came derailing towards us! What kind of brother ARE you?"

"Just apologize already!" Haruhi demanded. "Your fighting isn't helping!"

"I won't. Don't wanna. Anyway, you can't apologize to someone when you don't know who you are and who the other person is! It's a rule!" Despite their fighting, the twins still yelled and pouted in synch, puffing out their cheeks like spastic hamsters.

Haruhi became quiet, and when she finally spoke, her voice shook.

"So... If I can tell you apart, it means you'll apologize to each other, right?"

With that, Haruhi put on a long-suffering face of determination, and promptly unbuttoned the twins' uniform jackets.

The rest of the host club scattered.

"RAPE!" the twins screamed under Haruhi's ministration.

"In front of your own father!" Tamaki and Ranka screeched in unison.

"Haruhi thinks that just because the victim doesn't know who he is, he can't report her to the police! Meany!" Honey exclaimed.

"Pervert!" uttered Mori.

"Sexual aggression a symptom of traumatic transvestital upbringing?" Kyouya scribbled on his clipboard.

"DON'T BE STUPID! I'm only taking off their shirts! See," Haruhi pointed with a magnifying glass that came from nowhere. "This chest has three hairs on it. That alone doesn't say anything, but this other chest only has two hairs. Meaning that the one with three hairs must be Hikaru!"

The stunned silence was broken by Ranka free-wheeling on the floor. "Haruhiiiiii! Why do you know such intimate details of these deliciously good-looking young men! How unproper!"

"Dad, that's not the issue right now..."

As though in their own little Space Bubble, the topless twins were engaged in a passionate embrace.

"HIKARU! It's thanks to your manwhorish tendencies!"

"KAORU! It's thanks to your emo-behaviour which triggered my manwhorish tendencies!"

"Hikaru, I promise not to push you away anymore!"

"Kaoru, I promise not to tell you I'm bored when we're in bed and I only have an elephant statuette on my crotch anymore!"



"Get out of my office, you cretins!"


RANKA: Ooh. Something shiney on the floor.

RANKA: Name tags. 'Hikaru Hitachiin' and 'Kaoru Hitachiin' in fancy italics.

RANKA: Hm...

RANKA: I can play kissy-kissy with them... ♥

Author's Notes: Thank you so much for reading all the way to the end, and for your kind words and patience! You have no idea how amazing your comments make me feel. They make me want to be your eternal unworthy fic slave :p Until next time, take care!