IMPORTANT: This fanfic is connected with RahXephon's fanfic Master of Corruption. To properly enjoy this fanfic, you should read the other one too.
Mistress of Tyranny
The Mistress' Rebirth
By Sesshy's Girl 00 and RahXephon
The last thing that I remember was my death. I was impaled by a lance; a Lance of Longinus, while in Unit Two.
Consciousness came back to me with a splitting headache. I groaned and tried to rub my temples, but a flash of searing pain shot through my arm stopping me. I cringed and carefully relaxed my arm to ease the pain. It was clearly impossible to move that arm so I tried to move my other one next. It wasn't painful but it refused to respond. I sighed in frustration and gave up trying to move. It was pointless, just like everything else.
For the longest time I lay alone with nothing to do but listen to the crash of the waves. I was in so much pain that movement was impossible, no matter what the reason. I didn't have the strength to move even one finger.
I drifted in and out of consciousness for several hours, the waves of pain and sickness unending. I lay in agony unable to do anything, even vomit. I thought I was going to die, but somehow I didn't.
Gradually the pain started to ease slightly allowing me to become aware of the smell of blood and death all around me. The sky was also different I noticed; instead of being blue it was a reddish orange. There was a deadly silence in the air and nothing could be heard but the rhythmic crashing of the waves. God, where was I?
Not that it mattered since I was sick and tired of everything. I wanted to die. I wanted to end this. I didn't care anymore. There wasn't anything left for me to give a care about.
Out of the haze of pain, that baka Shinji showed up out of nowhere and collapsed next to me, against the sand. Then everything was quiet again. I quickly realized from the silence that he had fallen asleep. Shinji wouldn't be any company for some time.
After that, everything began to fade out. I passed out again, lulled asleep by the waves.
The next thing I remember Shinji was moving. My eyes opened slowly and I tensed, waiting for the splitting headache I felt sure was coming. Thankfully it didn't but the rest of my aches and pains did. I lay still, hoping that at the very least they wouldn't get any worse then they already were.
From the corner of my eyes I watched as Shinji looked around and focused his gaze on me. His blue eyes were startling and penetrating, and I couldn't help but notice they were so full of sadness. I wanted to say something. I wasn't sure what I could say, but I felt I had to speak. However, my body was in so much pain, and what didn't hurt was numb. All my limbs were completely beyond my control. So I just lay there stupidly, unable to do anything but be stared at by him.
In one rapid motion Shinji leaned over and wrapped his hands around my throat. His eyes were hateful now and terribly horrifying. What I saw there frightened me. It was like he went from Baka Shinji to Oni Shinji.
I could feel the pressure of his hands choking me, cutting off my air supply. It hurt so much just to breathe. I struggled to focus on my breath, my body fighting to claim every bit of oxygen it could. Then, the pressure suddenly lightened. At that moment of relief, although his hands were still around my neck, I was sure he wouldn't kill me.
Instead of letting go however, he abruptly increased the pressure to even more than before. This time I could feel my breath catching and see my vision begin to blur. He was going to kill me. He was really going to kill me.
I was so relieved. I hated this life. I wanted it over with. The only problem was that I'd been too much of a coward to kill myself. I'd tried to get others to do me in instead but that didn't work either. That was how I ended up a hideous monster trapped in limbo.
Do you really wish for death?
Who? Who was talking to me? It sounded like she was right next to me, her face by my head.
Do you want to die? The voice repeated sounding even more insistent then before.
Why not? There's no reason for me to be here. I'm sick. I am disgusting, filthy garbage.
Not everyone thinks that about you. There were those that idolized you. Worshiped you.
Bakas. I'm not worth their time. Can't you see I have no place here and I'm tired of everything? I want to die.
You love him.
You refuse to admit it but you desire him. You want him to kiss you, to touch you, even if it is to kill you.
I do not. I don't want him within ten feet of me.
Then why did you kiss him? Why did you help him? Why do you care?
Momentary weakness. I was lonely and bored. Besides its not like I had a choice whether to be in his company or not. We had to; we were pilots.
What about those chocolates you never gave him?
Shut up! How do you know about those?
I found them in my locker after you gave up and stuffed them in there.
You're not answering my question.
Why should I? You're annoying me again Woderfreak.
Do you wish to live? Yes or no?
Have you not been listening to me? I want to die. I don't want to live.
Then why are you fighting?
I, I don't . . .
If you do not wish to live, then why are you not giving up?
I . . .I'm afraid . . . I'm scared of dying . . .
Then do you wish to live?
I could feel Wondergirl's presence enter my body. Slowly, painfully she used the last of my energy to raise my injured arm to Shinji's face. Under her power, I gently caressed his cheek, feeling its comforting warmth under my fingers. Shinji eyes widened slightly and his hands stopped moving. He released my neck.
I breathed deeply feeling the air rush back into my lungs. I felt dizzy and funny after the near strangulation. It was sort of like flying through the sky.
I was alive. Alive. Baka Shinji had spared me. I couldn't believe it. I felt, oddly grateful, to be alive.
You love him. Rang Wondergirl's voice in my ears.
Did I? Could she be right? I felt . . .
"I feel sick."
The words came out quick and unexpected. Somehow, despite the randomness, they felt right. I didn't know why it felt so perfect, but it did so I wouldn't question it.
To my surprise Shinji turned and looked at me. His eyes were once more intense but not in the way that had petrified me with fear earlier. Now they were simply a pained pleading.
"Asuka… help me . . ."
Tears flowed from Shinji's eyes as he began to cry. They landed on my face and formed a salty pool. I tried to respond to him, but my mouth was once again unwilling to move. I was too tired and my body ached. I had to no choice but to lay unmoving against the ground, listening to both the waves and Shinji's crying.
I watched helplessly as Shinji's crying and horror increased. I knew I was the one at fault because I wasn't responding to his plea. Didn't he understand that there was nothing I could do? That I was too weak and worthless to even move my own body?
I was disgusting, a piece of garbage.
Shinji suddenly crawled away from me and jumped over the sand dunes, and out of sight. I was alone again, just like always. Everyone always left me in the end. It was inevitable. I was too vile for them to stay around me.
I lay there waiting for Shinji to return, or some other sign of hope to appear. But there was nothing, absolutely nothing. Perfect I thought; I was finally where I deserved to be, in a hell pit as revolting as myself. Of all the great ironies . . .
I let my eyes wander as my mind went blank. This was where I wanted to be, comfortably numb and dead to the world. I didn't want to feel. There was nothing left for me anyway, so why not smile on as it all ended?
A stray tear formed in the corner of my eye and rolled down the side of my face.
I was crying? Why?
It didn't make sense. I had no reason to cry. I should be happy or ecstatic. I had finally gotten what I always wanted, my ideal world. Where I was completely alone and didn't have to deal with anyone else ever again.
Two days. It had been two days since that baka Shinji left me. I had no idea what to do now. It wasn't like I could go anywhere, really. I was in pain, in so much pain. I wished it would all stop and go away.
I had tried to move, but it was impossible. My body just couldn't handle it. I was trapped on the beach. I was forced to sit and wait for something that would never happen, a person who would never come.
I was beginning to hate this dammiable place. It was so boring and the sun was unbearably hot. I knew I must be badly sunburned. I probably looked like a wreck. My mouth was as dry as sandpaper and my stomach was painfully empty. My bandages also became fetid, and under it was a nasty leaking infection.
I needed food, medicine and water. The problem was there was no way to get these things. Everything was gone and I was miles away from civilization. There was no way I could even begin to find enough supplies to sustain me.
You must move if you wish to live.
I looked around wondering who had spoken. When I saw no one I realized it must be Wondergirl again. I frowned unhappily, wishing the blue haired bitch would leave me alone. She had interfered once already. Wasn't that enough? What did she want?
A burning anger filled my chest. I wanted her go away and leave me alone.
"Damn you Wondergirl!" I screamed with all the force I could muster.
It wasn't until I was breathing heavily with contained fury that I even noticed my sitting position. At first I was slightly surprised but then relieved. If I could do this, I could survive.
I tried to stand up but my legs refused to support my weight, so I was forced to crawl on my stomach, using my one good arm to pull me forward. It was an abusive, agonizing process, but it was all I could manage.
I didn't have to go far from the beach to find signs of the horror of Third Impact. Piles of twisted metal and jagged concrete blocks lay all around, intermingled with bits of broken glass and other various items. Everything was covered in a thin layer of dust, like they hadn't been moved for at least two years.
It sparkled so hauntingly in the extremely bright afternoon sun that it nearly blinded me. For some reason though, I was reminded of a medieval church my mother and I had visited in Germany shortly before her suicide attempts began.
"Yes, Asuka darling?"
I shook my head trying to dispel the uncomfortable memories. I didn't like – no, I hated remembering the time I had spent with my mother. Nothing good was hidden there.
The deadly silence only made it worse. Its presence, or rather, lack of presence was stifling, suffocating me with its force. Everything felt so dead and desolate.
I wanted to scream, just to shatter the silence, but my voice refused to work.
So I just lay numbly, staring at the wreckage of the once great city.
It was dead. The entire thing was dead, crumbled to little pieces by forces too great to comprehend. Everything that ever was now had never been. It was gone.
It wasn't until I forced myself to look away that I realized that I was holding my breath. I had to remind myself to breathe before I passed out.
After I regained my composure, I stretched out my arm and pulled myself along. My face was set with determination and pain as I forced myself to concentrate on where I was going, and not on what was around. I was afraid I would have a breakdown if I did.
I crawled on for hours over, under, and around countless piles of debris. My entire body ached, especially my arm, and I was dead tired. It had been a pointless journey. I had found nothing but more of the same and none of it what I needed.
I sighed as I made myself as comfortable as possible under a piece of concrete for the night. I knew finding shelter was pointless, since there was no one left that could harm me. But even though I knew that, I still need the familiar feeling of protection it provided.
Should I go on? Or would I find more of the same tomorrow?
It was a redundant question really. Of course I would find more of the same. Baka Shinji had destroyed everything through Third Impact. Japan had been at the epicenter of this cataclysmic event, leaving it scarred the most.
Why would I expect to find anything in this wasteland?
It was always possible, I reasoned. Heck, at this point anything was possible. The question was; if anything were out there, how would I find it? Well, it should be easy enough. I was a genius and I had all the time imaginable. Now all I needed was to come up with a plan. I fell asleep, and continued to craft my plans in my dreams.
The next morning I began the process of dragging myself across the ground once again. For the first part of my journey, I saw more of the same, just piles upon piles of rubble. Then the scenery began to change. The debris thinned out and the land became flat and easy to move on. While I appreciated how much easier it made moving, I knew that there was a slimmer chance of my finding anything useful here.
Still, I knew that this couldn't go on for forever. At some point something would have to give. Either my body would fail or I would find something to sustain myself on. It was all a matter of which happened first.
Just before sundown I came across the most amazing sight I had seen in a long time. It was a simple standing house in the middle of a barren wasteland. It was incredible that anything had survived intact, let alone in one piece. I had to blink twice to be sure that my eyes weren't deceiving me.
When the house showed no signs of mirage or illusion I decided that it was safe to approach.
I managed to crawl closer before my progress was stopped by the front door. The handle was far above my head. I would have to get on my knees to reach it. I looked around for something to help me. Over to my right I found something that might work, a piece of metal. I could use it as leverage.
A few minutes later I had made it back to the porch. Metal bar in hand, I crawled to the door and propped the bar up against it. Then I gingerly wrapped both of my hands around it. I look a deep breath and pulled myself up, using the bar to support my weight.
Once I was finally upright I weighted a moment for things to steady before I tried to move.
I reached forwards and seized the handle to turn it. The door opened with a groan to reveal the inside of the house. I stepped into the house using the metal pole like a crutch to help me stand. Once within the confines of the house, I looked around. Should I go upstairs or downstairs?
Either way would be hard for me to take because of the stairs. It would be easier to search the main floor first. I hoped that I would be able to find what I wanted on the first floor without going upstairs.
I began my search by going from room to room. I examined the remaining contents of each looking for something useful. The first few rooms proved to be dead ends. There was nothing in any of them. My luck would change however when I found the kitchen. There was food there.
I didn't even go close to the refrigerator. The power had been out for over two years and everything in there would be rotten. Personally, I didn't want to find out just how bad it was. So I went right in for the pantry instead. There were all sorts of canned and dried foods in there. I smiled happily at my luck. There was enough food for to last a couple days, at least.
I took one of the packets of crackers and made my way to the sofa in the living room. I sat down and ate them one at a time. I was nowhere near full by the time I had finished but I was feeling much better by then. I talked myself out of eating more for the time being. Logic told me that I would need to ration what I had, because I wouldn't know where I would find more.
Now that I had found food I moved on to my other two problems, medicine and water. After having eaten the crackers my mouth was all dry, and I was thirsty too. I wandered the rest of the first floor looking for either of those things. I found the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, but there was no water.
I for a split second I debated going back to the beach and drinking LCL. I couldn't do it however. The LCL smelled and tasted like blood. It was also made of all the dead killed during third impact. That was just too much for me, so I decided I would not drink LCL. I would have to find some other way to keep myself hydrated.
I returned to the sofa in the family room and lay down. I was tired and the sofa was much more comfortable then lying on the ground. Within minutes my eyes were closing and I drifted off to sleep.
When I awoke, everything was pitch black and quiet. For a minute I wondered what had woken me up. Then I heard the thunder in the distance. I pulled open the window with my good arm and looked outside. I could see the storm coming from where I sat. I smiled feeling the electricity in the air.
Suddenly I had the weird urge to know the time but a quick look around showed me that all the clocks had died long ago. I shook my head, forcing myself to clear my thoughts and I turned back to the window.
I sat silently for several hours watching the storm. I relished every minute of it. The instability, the sound, and the tension in the air... it felt like everything was coming alive after everything had died. This was the dawn of a new life, my life in solitude.
I almost felt like running and jumping around, except that my legs kept me grounded. I lay my head on the pillows and started laughing hysterically. I felt insanely happy and almost delusional.
After several minutes I made myself stop when I realized how crazy I sounded. I didn't know why I had nearly gone over the edge like that. I shouldn't be so happy right now. I had been abandoned in an empty world; shouldn't I feel lonely or sad?
No matter, I would take things as they came. I had no choice but to live one day at a time now. There was nothing left to do now.
This time when I lay back, I did so silently since I didn't like the idea of loosing control. I had come dangerously close to doing that only minutes ago. I would have to watch myself and stay in control. It was my only option. I would not lose control.
I went to back to sleep after that. This time I dreamed.
In my dreams I saw faces, so many faces. Most I knew. All were dead. Shinji. Mama. Misato. Wondergirl. Hikari. Papa. Ritsuko. Angels. Fighting. Pain. Death.
I woke up to the sound of someone screaming. It took several minutes before I realized that I was the one who was screaming. I promptly closed my mouth and stopped my cries. The silence stretched on interminably. My breathing slowed from ragged to calm. I tried to tell myself that I was alone and everything was okay, but the back of my mind didn't believe it.
I felt like something was about to happen, something big and bad. I didn't like it because I didn't understand. I didn't know what was going on. I tensed, waiting in anticipation for whatever was about to occur.
For the longest time nothing happened. I would have given up, except my training as an Eva pilot had taught me to listen to my gut. And my gut was telling me that it had not passed.
Then I felt it. The air tensed.
Abruptly I rose to my feet and hobbled to the door as fast as possible. I had to get out of here, now!
I made it about a hundred feet from the house before I saw it. There was a flash of bright light and I braced for the shock wave I knew was coming any second.
The force was so strong that I was knocked off my feet. I landed face down on the ground. I quickly covered my head and held on until the moment had passed and everything was quiet once again. I raised my head tentatively and coughed on the dust. I looked around wondering what it the world had just happened.
The house was almost gone now, reduced to a pile of rubble. My hands were shaking at my side and I felt like I couldn't breathe.
I looked around wondering who had spoken. I knew it was the voice again. Why, I asked, what's going on?
You must leave now.
Something in the way the voice said those words convinced me. I turned around and hurried off as fast as I was able to. I made it behind it behind one of the few large rubble piles in the area before I allowed myself to stop. I sat down behind it, facing away from where the house once had been. I waited to see what was about to happen. I breathed quietly keeping myself from over reacting.
After a moment I felt a presence – no, two presences enter the clear area that lay beyond. At first, they did not speak and silence reined. Then one of them, a male spoke. "Come sister. You must be truly insane."
The female laughed and I could almost see her throw her head back. "I am not, brother. This will work. Trust me."
"Why should I? You betrayed us before."
"All a matter of perspective. I had to do what I did. It was my destiny. Now we are free to make our own. So I shall."
"By this? Since when have you cared about . . .?"
"Don't." The woman snapped, "Dare insult my daughter, you bastard."
"Ah, there is the you I was waiting for. You're more yourself when you angry."
"It would seem we have reached an impasse."
At this point my curiosity was piqued and I risked a look around the pile of ruble to see the two people who were talking.
The man was young, tall, muscular, with white hair and blood red eyes. He was so handsome that I felt I was looking upon a statue. He seemed to be cold and strong. I had the feeling that he was the law abiding one of the pair.
The girl on the other hand was startlingly beautiful. She was tall, lithe with blood red eyes and a pale completion. She was so stunning that it would make anyone jealous. Her expression was one almost out of victory and rebellion. I had the strange feeling that we were kindred spirits.
I watched as I waited for them to speak again. It was the woman who eventually started. "Really, why are you being so harsh on me? Is it because I did not join you in battle against the Lilum?"
The man frowned deeply at the woman and crossed his arms across his chest. "I was disappointed that you of all of us did not see fit to fight when father called."
The woman chucked lightly. "That's an understatement. You seem to think that I am a failure."
There was a dead silence but I had the inexplicable feeling that something unspoken was passing between the two of them. I wondered what it was they were saying. The girl's face hardened and she suddenly burst out, "Lies. All of it lies!"
The man smirked slightly. He seemed more confident now. I felt the air tense again and ducked just before the explosion hit. I didn't allow myself to relax until it was over. Clouds of dust were rolling past me. I muffled my choking cough on the smoke.
I turned back to look at the scene to see that neither party had been affected by the massive explosion. In fact both were smiling widely. I had the feeling that there were about to be more fireworks between them . . . I began to debate my chances of escaping in one piece. My metal pole was gone now and I would have to crawl if I couldn't find a new one.
I got myself on all fours and began to pick my way over the ground. I paused when I heard the woman speak again. "You are being too cruel. We are family after all."
"Gabriel you are a lying . . ."
The woman's eyes flashed with intense anger and then she disappeared. The man stood there a moment looking miffed at the woman's refusal to listen to him. He sighed heavily and shook his head before he too disappeared.
With him gone everything was silent. I looked around to double check that everything was clear before I dared to move again. I crawled on determined to get myself out of there before I actually went insane. Breathe. I told myself.
It hadn't been five seconds before I heard a pop and footsteps behind me. "So you were the one listening to us."
I looked up hesitantly into the face of the young woman who I had seen earlier. She was frowning and I knew it was all about me. She knew I was listening, and she probably came here to punish me. I cringed with the distinct feeling that this was not going to be pleasant.
To my amazement, she actually smiled. "There are so many things I can do to you. Such exciting possibilities."
The word echoed like a warning in the back of my mind. I had a flash of realization that I was looking at one of the angels, except she had not been one of the seventeen we fought all those ages ago.
Wrong. Replied the voice again. The angels have many forms. One of which is the one you remember, and the other one that is more human like.
I gritted my teeth, waiting to hear what she would pronounce as my death sentence. I hoped that whatever it was it would be quick and painless. I didn't want to suffer too much before I died.
She knelt down in front of me and placed her hand on my forehead. Her fingers were cool against my warm skin. "Will you help me when the time comes?" echoed her voice in the back of my head.
I could see her eyes watching me intently, waiting for my answer.
I wasn't sure what to say. I had no idea what saying yes to her would require of me. However, I knew exactly what refusal meant. I would be dead. I chose to say yes, since it was better to live now than die, I decided.
She smiled when she heard my answer. She almost seemed to say, 'Very good'. Despite my reluctance to trust her, I found that she wasn't as intimidating as I had thought when I first saw her. She seemed benevolent now and there was no trace of her earlier anger left on her face. "You are very weak and tired. Rest now."
I was nodding in compliance before I even realized it. Part of me rebelled against following her, saying that it made me no better then Wondergirl. The rest of me responded that she was right. I was exhausted and needed sleep. I let myself nod off and fell asleep there on the ground.
The last thing I remembered she was standing up once more and disappearing into the sky. It seemed that flight was effortless to her.
Everything faded out and I drifted away on the tide of sleep.
Hello all it's me again, Sesshy has returned. I know this is not my usual style but I broke my rules (again) and decided to collaberate on a new story with RahXephon (You should go read his by the way.).
Notice that for once this is Asuka and not Rei, which is a rareity for me. Who knew I could be so bold?
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this and come back for more.
Don't forget to reveiw! Thanks!
And last of all, the Teaser:
I awoke to the bright morning sun shining in my eyes. I groaned and covered my eyes with my good arm. I felt miserable and I did not want to be awake right now.
I rolled over and vomited repeatedly into the indent in the ground there.
Once my stomach had calmed down and I rolled back over.