TITLE: He Says
SUMMARY: He doesn't always mean what he says.
SPOILERS: Through 3x03 "Love Run Cold"
PAIRING: Danny/Lindsay. We're CANON, kiddo!
RATING: M. Had to do it.
DISCLAIMER: They aren't mine. Please don't sue. My computer's almost paid off.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the long-awaited companion piece to "She Says". While it is not necessary to read that one first, I'd recommend that you do so, as this one picks up from where that one left off.
Assume that "She Says" occurred in the months between last season's finale and this season's premiere, and that this story starts around the time of the premiere.
Just a little side note of which some people apparently weren't aware, that "She Says" is from Danny's POV. Therefore, this one will be from Lindsay's POV. Just clearing that up. There was some confusion.
I tried to give this the same kind of structure, but it didn't come out that way. Oh, well.
Also, it's got way more angst.
Oh, by the way, this is not based on any song.
Many thanks to Cazzie for being my beta!
Reviews are, as always, appreciated.
He's already at his desk when she walks into their office. He's always there before she is. He always was, even before. He leaves for work earlier than she does, to avoid suspicion. No one knows about the two of them. She sometimes thinks that Mac suspects, but he doesn't mention it.
He says he doesn't care if Mac knows. He means it.
He glances up as she walks in and greets her with a warm smile. His eyes darken immediately. He looks at her differently now that they're intimate. She can't describe it. It's powerful – intense. It scares the hell out of her.
He says he missed her the night before. He says that his bed was lonely without her. He means it.
They are professional at work – at least as professional as they were before. He flirts with the same ease that he did before. She wonders if anyone else can hear the tenderness in his tone, see the emotion in his eyes. It makes her blush. She tries to hide it, but he sees. He grins. He pulls her aside, lays his hand on her arm.
He says it's taking all of his self-control not to drag her into the nearest supply closet and take her against the door. He means it.
He winks at her as she gathers up her paperwork to leave for the day. He gives her that look again – the look that makes her shiver. She gives him a small smile and tells him that she'll see him later.
He says she can count on it. He means it.
He's at her door less than twenty minutes after she arrives at home. His lips are on hers as soon as she opens the door to let him in. They stumble to the bedroom. She has removed all the breakable items from their path down the hall after they broke a picture frame two months ago. Their clothes leave a trail behind them. The backs of her knees come into contact with the edge of her bed. She falls and takes him with her. He covers her body with his own. He claims her with his usual possessiveness. He moves with her, within her. She almost can't breathe, it's so perfect. He marks her as his own with gentle nips along her collarbone.
He says that he wants everyone to know that she is not up for grabs. He means it.
He holds her afterwards. She feels his arms snake around her stomach and pull her flush against his chest. He gently caresses her face with the back of his hand. His eyes are dark and fathomless. She shivers from the raw emotion that she sees in them. He doesn't let go of her gaze.
He says he loves her.
He means it.
And that scares her.
She can't sleep. She'll blame it on his snoring. She leaves early for work the next morning. She's out of the apartment before he even finishes his shower. She knows he will be confused. She wonders if she should tell him why. She doesn't think he'll understand.
He gives her a confused look when he comes into the office. She tries not to make eye contact with him. She knows that if she does, she'll break. And she doesn't want to break in front of him.
He says he thought she'd been kidnapped. He doesn't mean it. He's trying to lighten the mood.
She laughs it off. She tells him that she had some stuff that she needed to finish. He narrows his eyes as she talks. She won't meet his gaze.
He says he believes her. He doesn't mean it. He knows something's wrong.
They don't work the same case. She ends up on the Brooklyn Bridge with Stella and Mac and he draws a murdered socialite with Hawkes. She acts as though nothing is wrong, as though her mind isn't spinning out of control. She jokes with Flack about his admirers. She tries to ignore the gnawing sensation in the pit of her stomach.
He passes her in the lab as he's on his way to find Hawkes. He reaches out for her arm, to stop her, but she pulls it out of his reach and keeps walking. She can feel his eyes on her back as she walks down the hall. He doesn't call after her.
He doesn't come to her place after shift. He calls her instead. She ignores the call. He leaves a message on her voicemail.
He says he's tired and needs some sleep. He doesn't mean it. He's hurt by her actions, and he doesn't want to see her tonight.
He's already at his desk when she walks into their office. He glances up as she comes in and smiles awkwardly in greeting. He quickly returns to whatever it is that he's working on. She thinks it might be the DNA profiles from his murdered socialite's apartment. She stares at him when he isn't looking. He looks terrible. She tells him this.
He says he couldn't sleep. He means it.
She looks away. She hopes he can't see the guilt etched plainly on her face. He doesn't look at her all morning. He leaves with Hawkes without saying goodbye. A lump forms in her throat. She struggles not to cry.
She corners him in the lab later. He brushes past her and keeps on walking. She calls his name. Heads that aren't his turn to see what's going on. She feels her cheeks burn.
He says he's busy and doesn't have time to talk. He doesn't mean it. He's still hurting.
She shows up at his apartment with a bottle of wine. He stands warily in the doorframe. He doesn't move aside to let her in. She tells him that she had a bad day and needed a drink. She tells him that she missed him. His face softens. He steps aside. She walks into his apartment.
He says he had a bad day, too. He means it.
They end up drinking the entire bottle of wine. She initiates the contact. She leans forward to press her lips to his. He responds, then pulls back. He raises his eyebrows in silent question. She kisses him again in silent answer. His tension melts away. His hands come up to cup her face as she works on the buttons of his jeans. She silently curses whoever invented the button fly. She tries to ignore the lurch in her heart as he tucks a curl behind her ear. She squeezes her eyes shut to stop the tears.
He says that she's the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. He means it.
Her heart breaks at his words. He doesn't notice. He kisses her again. He removes her shirt in one practiced motion. She gives his shirt the same treatment. She straddles him and fuses her lips to his. They don't leave the couch. His incoherent babblings make her smile. His talented hands make her moan. She runs her fingers down his chest. He shivers. She climaxes with his name on her lips. He follows her into oblivion.
He says he's never felt this way before.
He means it.
And it frightens her.
They fall back into their usual routine. Everything is fine. They work separate cases and hardly see each other. He steals quick kisses in the locker room when they're alone. She runs her foot up the inside of his leg on the rare occasions they're both at their desks. The light returns to his smile. She doesn't realize how much she's missed it. They take turns sleeping at each other's apartments. They don't get much sleep. That's only half the reason they're exhausted in the mornings.
He says the exhaustion is worth it. He means it.
A call comes in about a jewel heist. She and Stella arrive at the jewelry store. Danny is already there. They joke in front of their coworkers. He makes a crack about the diamond necklace she's holding. She accuses him of not being romantic. She's totally lying. He shakes his head and looks away.
She has to crawl through a tunnel. She's suddenly thankful she's not claustrophobic. She can feel his eyes on her until she disappears down a hole. She debates whether he was making sure she was all right or checking out her ass. She finds it doesn't matter – both reasons make her heart pound. She finds him later and asks him if he kept his eyes to himself.
He says he was a perfect gentleman. He doesn't mean it. He's anything but a gentleman, and he knows it.
They're left to process the scene. He ends up staring at the broken pieces of glass. She asks him if he's waiting for it to turn to sand. He mumbles something about a dog and leaves. She stares after him. She finds out from Hawkes later that he brought a dog into the lab. She's sorry that she missed it. She's always loved dogs. She finds men with dogs irresistible. It's just another reason to love Danny Messer.
They're moving in on their murder suspect when they see one of the jewel thieves. The killer has a hostage. They can't get an undercover operative in time. She volunteers to do it. She tries not to look at Danny. She sees him out of the corner of her eye. He looks as though he's about to be sick. She goes to strap on her bulletproof vest. He comes over to talk to her.
He says that they have undercover agents to do this. He says it's not their job. He means it.
He doesn't say that he loves her. She finds herself wishing that he would.
She goes into the apartment. Her heart is pounding a mile a minute. She's afraid that she might actually die. She tries to pull this off. The killer doesn't buy it. There's a gun in her face. She feels her stomach turn cold. She keeps her senses long enough to drop the bag with the flash bomb. She throws herself over the hostage. Her lungs fill with smoke. Her eyes burn. She can't breathe. She needs to see Danny.
She hears someone calling her name. She calls his name. He races over to her. He pulls her to her feet. He asks her if she's all right. She tells him that she is. He pulls her into his arms. She can't hold him tightly enough. She's afraid if she lets go of his shoulders he'll disappear and leave her. They always leave her.
He helps her out of the apartment. He leads her to the paramedics. He never leaves her side. She knows it won't last. He'll leave her. They always leave her.
He says she did well. He says he's proud of her. He means it.
They go back to his place. They can barely make it through the door. His lips capture hers. He kicks the door shut with more coordination than she has. He pushes her against the wood. She doesn't protest as he tears off her clothes. She whimpers when he rips the elastic of her panties as he yanks them down her legs. She doesn't complain. She attacks him with just as much ferocity. He lifts her up and braces her back against the door. It's hard and rough and full of need and fear and desperation.
When they're both spent, he lowers them to the floor. It isn't long before they're ready again. They still don't make it to the bedroom. She rolls him onto his back and rides him until they both come in a blaze of moans and gasps and muttered Italian phrases she never learned the translations for. Her legs feel like jelly. She barely has the strength to roll off him. She doubts he would care if she couldn't.
His arms wind their way around her waist. He shifts their positions so that she is once again on top of him. He brushes the hair out of her eyes. She almost chokes on her heart.
He says he doesn't know what he would do if he lost her. He says he can't imagine his life without her in it.
He means it.
And it terrifies her.
They finally make it to the bedroom. The urgency from their first two encounters is gone. It's slow and gentle and full of love and passion and tenderness. It's almost as if they are different people. He doesn't nip her collarbone. She doesn't scratch his back. It lasts longer than it's ever lasted before.
He rolls onto his stomach and drapes a lazy arm across her waist. He burrows his face into the crook of her neck. He inhales deeply. She doesn't ever want him to leave. She tells him never to leave.
He says he'll never leave. He means it.
But she can't believe him. They always leave.
She watches him sleep. She studies his face – the bridge of his nose, the stubble on his cheek. She tries to swallow the lump in her throat. She knows that she loves him. She doesn't want to love him. She wasn't supposed to love him. He's not supposed to worm his way into her heart. He's not supposed to be kind and loving and absolutely perfect.
She has to do something. She can't let this go on. It's not supposed to be this serious. Her feelings aren't supposed to run this deep. She has to stop this before it goes any further. She has to leave him before he leaves her. They always leave her.
She stands him up for dinner. She hates to do it. She has to. She's called to a crime scene. She hopes he doesn't get called to the same one. He does. He shows up late. He doesn't treat her coldly. He doesn't treat her warmly. The tension is so thick she's surprised Mac doesn't say something. They're left to process the scene. They go about their work. They're professionals.
He says it's been a while since he's been stood up. He means it.
She doubts Danny Messer has ever been stood up. Only she is stupid enough to stand him up. She apologizes. She tells him something came up. He asks if they're okay. She tells him that they are. He lets the subject drop. They continue to process. They take their evidence back to the lab. They work in different rooms. She takes her results to him. She stands as far away from him as she can. She wants to be close to him. She doesn't want to risk it.
They walk down the street. He's on the phone with Adam. Their arms touch as they walk. She can't help but smile. He says goodbye to Adam. He tells her their suspect's fingerprints didn't match. She asks what else they have. He asks if she wants to get something to eat. She refuses to let him off the hook. He's always trying to get her to bug off on the case. She stops and puts her hands on her hips. She gives him that look of hers that always makes him cave. He tells her what Adam said about the gum. She decides to go back to the lab.
He says he just wants to grab a slice of pizza. He doesn't mean it. He wants to talk about what happened.
She's in a bad mood after she gets back from interviewing the one of the ice bitches. She goes to see if Danny has anything. He's looking at the feathers. She comes to stand beside him. They figure out it was the boyfriend. It's always the boyfriend.
She watches the interrogation. She never watches the interrogation. She feels sick to her stomach at the words coming out of this man's mouth. When the interrogation is over, she tries to duck out without being seen. Danny finds her. He calls her by her full name. He never does that. It makes her stop and turn. He tells her that he has to know what's going on with her. She wonders if she should tell him.
He says they have chemistry, like they're into each other. He means it.
He tells her that she has to feel it, too. She tells him she can't do this. She tries to walk away. He won't let her. He moves to block her path. He isn't going to leave until he knows what's wrong. But he will leave. They always leave. She tells him as much of the truth as she'll allow. She tells him that she can't be in a relationship. She makes sure to add "with you".
He says he just wants drinks, dinners, a few laughs. He doesn't mean it. He wants her – every part of her, everything she has to offer.
She tells him that she likes him. She makes sure to add "a lot". But "like" isn't "love". She's never told him that she loves him. She can't let that happen. She tells him that she can't do this. She tells him that she has to be alone – that she has to deal with some stuff she thought she had left behind her. She apologizes. She tells him that she didn't mean for it to happen.
He says that it's okay. He means it.
He hates it. But he means it.
She tells him that they should just do their jobs. She can't say anymore. Her heart won't let her. If she doesn't leave right at that instant, she'll break. And she doesn't want to break in front of him. She turns and walks away.
He says if she needs anything from him to let him know.
He means it.
And as soon as she disappears around the corner, she breaks.