A/N: Sorry for the long wait for updating. I had the idea, but I just couldn't properly execute it. Also, I've become obsessed with "Tsubasa Chronicles" mainly because it's CLAMP and anyone out there who's read at least 1 series of theirs, knows what I mean when I say that it is currently at the WTF?! part. I heart Fai/Kurogane so much!
Anyway, WARNINGS! I've used a bit more profanity in this chapter. Sorry if it offends anyone, for some odd reason.
"So then I had ta' teach those mother fuckahs a lesson and cut that one kid's cheek. Yeah, I bet they ain't nevah messin' wit' me again! An' now you guys won't have a problem wit' 'em eithah, 'cause I'm the greatest female double swordsman that there evah was! Yeah, boyee!" (1)
Yaone opened her mouth to say something, but Dokugakuji cleared his throat and shook his head. Lirin just stared, completely at a loss for anything to say and certainly didn't want to ask anything. That's what got them the two hour lecture. Kougaiji, however, did find something to say.
"… So, since you're wanting to join us, why don't you give us your scripture?"
"I've already told ya'! In order for us to properly resurrect Gyumakalaka-"
"- I need to keep my all important and a thousand times more powerful than Sanzo's scripture out of the sight of undeserving beings! If any one of you were to look upon it, you would be blown into hundreds of teeny tiny pieces! Still wanna get my scripture?"
We need to do a flashback, don't we?
"Dude! What the hell!" Goku yelled. "Why did you cut me?!"
"Because you weren't listening to me!" the newly reformed for Sue, said. "Now that I have proven my toughness despite being a woman, you all shall bow down to me and answer my questions!"
"That's not 'tough', that's psycho," Sanzo snapped.
"Trust him, the monk knows what he's talking about," Gojyo added, taking full advantage of everyone's attention only being on Sue at the moment.
"How dare you insolent fools speak to me in such a manner!" Sue ranted on. "I am carrying the most powerful scripture there ever was!"
"Not this crap again," Sanzo sighed.
"It is inscribed on a stone in the highest mountain temple that I, Sue Mary, am to use this scripture to save the world from the evil Gyo-mon."
"Gyumaoh," Hakkai corrected, sweat drop forming.
"My tale is one of tragedy, for I am to forsake my own life for the lives of the world. I must take my scripture to Mount India and throw it into the boiling molten lava, along with myself as the virgin sacrifice. That is why I carry around these two swords, you see, and am trained by the most skilled warriors. To protect my life and virginity. Oh, the countless men I have been forced to slay, all fallen victim to my irresistible beauty and charm. May their souls rest in peace."
While Sue actually went into further detail about her life story (despite her only being alive in that form for five minutes), the four hotties went into a huddle and began discussing their next course of action.
"She cut me!" Goku repeated. "She was actually able to cut me! Look, it's still bleeding and everything!"
"We get it, Goku," Sanzo hissed, "patience" obviously wearing thin.
"But if she was able to seriously make me bleed and everything, then that means that she might actually be able to fight for real!"
"Goddamnit! Where's some soap?! We are going to wash your mouth out right now!"
"Now's not the time," Hakkai said. "We need to think of a plan to get rid of her for good."
"How about we cut her up and put her body parts in a freezer, or something?" Gojyo said.
"We can't do that. For one thing, we don't even have a mini fridge, let alone more than one freezer. Also, if we were to sneak into different peoples houses and put them in their freezers, they might have a heart attack from shock."
"Anyone who cares about other people at this point in time, please raise your hand."
Surprisingly, only Hakkia's hand went up. "Aw, come on! The whole point of our journey is for other people's safety! I've said this a thousand times already! If we let Sue Mary roam free then there would be no point in preventing Gyumaoh's resurrection."
"Which is why we chop her up and put her body parts in different people's freezers. Seriously, man, you're looking way too deep into this."
"I got an idea!" Goku said. "How about we buy a bunch of mini fridges! That way, we can have Sue's body parts under our watch at all times, AND keep our food longer!"
"No," Sanzo said.
"Many reasons. One of them being I don't want to have that bitch's body parts near my food. They'll spoil."
"The best solution I can come up with is sticking her with some other group," Hakkai said.
"Alright, but what people in their right minds would willingly let her tag along with them?"
"Sanzo!" a familiar voice bellowed. "I demand that you give us your scripture, or you shall be forced to face the consequences!" Savior angel, thy name is Kougaiji. Alone, oddly enough. Or perhaps it was for the better.
There was a pause before Sanzo turned around and said, "Okay. But I have a better idea. You see that girl behind us?"
Leaning to the side a bit, Kougaiji looked at the still babbling girl and said, "Yeah, what about her?"
"She has a scripture, too. A much more powerful one than the likes of mine, from what I understand. And she's much more than willing to join your little group, since she seems to despise us."
"It's true!" Hakkai said, seeming to get what Sanzo was doing. "Why, just look what she did to Goku here!"
"Yep!" Goku chirped. "I didn't stand a chance!"
"Able to harm Goku, huh?" Kougaiji said, taking that into consideration. Perhaps with her on our side, he thought, I might be able to get my mother back. I was never told I couldn't get another scripture, and if this one is more powerful than Sanzo's, it might work the same way and maybe even quicker. "Alright, you have a deal."
"Fantastic," Hakkai muttered. "Ms. Sue! Could you come here for a moment?"
"Can't you see I'm busy telling the world all about me?!" she screeched. "I haven't even gotten to the part where I had to kill my one true love, which turned me into the cold, uncaring being you see before you!"
"Well, you just did. So how about you come meet someone who thinks that you're the most beautiful person in the world but feels he is unworthy of being in your presence for fear of tainting you, and also thinks that you'd be a wonderful ally in… whatever it is you're doing."
"WHAT?!" Kougaiji shouted. "I never said that!"
But it was too late. Sue was already an inch away from his face and spouting off meant to be heart wrenching tales of her past, even though she said that it was too brutal of one for anyone's ears to be forced to listen to. Poor Kougaiji wasn't able to get a word in, and whenever he tried to punch her to shut her up, she just screamed before he actually made contact causing him to cover his adorably pointy and most likely sensitive ears in pain.
Meanwhile, Hakkai was guiding his group slowly away, saying, "Walk… walk… RUN!" And off they did, jumping into a waiting Hakuryuu and speeding away, yelling, "Faster, man!"
Kougaiji eventually realized that the Sanzo-ikkou had ulterior motives for sticking this girl with him. He was still wondering what they were by the time his own team mates had found him. Apparently, there was an all you can eat meat bun special a few buildings back and Lirin had insisted on not budging until she had done exactly what the sign had instructed. Yaone and Dokugakuji hadn't noticed when Kougaiji ran off when he sensed the Sanzo-ikkou.
"Who's she?" Dokugakuji said.
"Some chick those assholes stuck me with!" Kougaiji yelled above Sue's ongoing story. "But they said she has a scripture more powerful than Sanzo's so it might be worth putting up with her!"
"Hey," Lirin began, tapping Sue on the elbow, "What's your problem?"
"My problem?" Sue said, looking meaningfully into the moon to add some drama. And off she went.
"Like I said, it's way betta ta hang out wit' y'all 'cause now I can drop that 'goody-two-shoes' act, y'all feel me?"
"NO!" all four of the demons yelled, taking it as an actual invitation to feel her.
"Just give us your damn scripture!" Kougaiji yelled.
"I already tol' ja'! Psh, dumb asses."
Oh no she di'n't!
"WHAT?! Prepare to die, bitch!"
"Hold on!" Dokugakuji piped in before Kougaiji could launch himself at the girl. "She has a scripture, remember?"
"What's the point if she doesn't show it to us?!"
"I know, but she's extremely important."
"… What?" Kougaiji's vocabulary was being seriously limited today.
Pulling him to the side while Sue started telling Yaone how to dress even sluttier (2), Dokugakuji whispered, "Let's just go and get into a fight with the Sanzo-ikkou. That way, if things get drastic enough since she says she's one of the most powerful beings on the planet, she'll be forced to use her scripture and we can just take it!"
"You better be right." Kougaiji then turned back to Sue and said through gritted teeth, "I'm s… sor… SORRY for threatening your life."
"Are you sure?!" Yaone said, trying very hard to keep a gentle smile on. "I think there's still time!"
"Yes… I… am… suuure."
"Apology accepted," Sue said, looking very smug.
"I have an idea," Kougaiji continued, doing a horrible job of acting (good thing Sue was too busy being in her own little world to notice). "How about we go fight the Sanzo-ikkou?"
1.) Believe it or not, I just had to say most of this one paragraph out loud after getting into my "southern accent mode" (took FOREVER!). I am from the deep south (born and raised), but I don't really have an accent (though, one northerner did said I sounded like a southern bell, which I was shocked at). Anyway, yeah, minus the "yeah boyee" and other "gangsta" stuff. Reading it, I don't know how well it worked out, but I think I got my motives across. –shrug-
2.) I don't think Yaone is a slut, she just needs a better top. She's actually my favorite female character in Saiyuki! Wish I could have given her more lines.
A/N: This was hard. And I think it actually shows. Hope it was to everyone's liking!
You know what to do!
Please leave a review!
As always, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is welcomed with a set of pointy Kougaiji ears of your very own!