Mystery Danny Theater 3000
Mystery Meat transcribed by Skyechan
DISCLAIMER: I own neither Danny Phantom and related characters or Crow T. Robot and related characters.
Bold transpiring, non bold happening on the screen.
In the not-too-distant future
In the Park of Amity
Dr. Forrester and Plasmius
Were hatching an Evil Scheme.
They kidnapped a boy by the name of Dan,
A half-ghost regular joe they couldn't stand
They needed another good test case,
So they conked him on the noggin
And they shot him into space. (Get me down!)
We'll send him DP eps and fics,
Any that we can find (la-la-la).
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And we'll monitor his mind (la-la-la).
Now keep in mind Danny can't control
Where the eps begin or end (la-la-la)
He'll try to keep his sanity
With the help of his various friends.
Subject Roll Call:
Danny! (Goin' Ghost!)
Ron! (I'm supposed to be the AUTHOR!)
Tom Servo! (h'lo there!)
Croooow! (That's one "o"!)
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
and other science facts (la la la),
Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show,
I should really just relax
For Mystery Danny Theater 3000!"
"So, who are you guys again?"
"Ok, Danny, I'll explain again," Ron said, "These are humorous robots, designed by Joel, the first victim of the experiment. The one with a dome for a head is Tom Servo, and the other is Crow. Apparently, Dr. Forrester needed new victims." "Hey, watch it pal!" Crow said, "you callin us torture?" "Hello," a voice came from a once blank screen. "Plasmius?" Danny said, "Figures you're in on this." "Actually, how ARE you here? Danielle killed you in When Worlds Collide," Ron asked. "Oh, no I wasn't dead, not really. I was biding my time," Vlad said. "That makes no sense! She blasted straight through you!" Ron said. "Yeah, and now I can do this!" Vlad said, sticking his hand through a hole in his chest. "To quote Leela, 'Impressive! But this kinda supports my 'you are dead' theory.'" "Anyway, Dr. Forrester's last subject went insane, so, to get back at you, I volunteered YOU TWO!" Vlad said. "Wait, why me? Danielle killed you!" Danny said. "True," Vlad said, "but you're genetically identical, so the teleporter locked onto YOU! And as for Ron, well, he wrote my death. If Daniel HAD to win, there were better ways of writing it, you know." "Valid point," Ron said. Lights and sirens went off. "WE GOT MOVIE SIGN!" Tom and Crow yelled. "Well, we better get to the theater before they turn off the oxygen," Ron said. They made their way to the theater.
Crow: Also known as "The stuff that happens before the stuff happens.
The screen fades in to a man dressed in an orange jumpsuit with black hair that seems to be starting to turn white.
Crow: So, who's the fat guy?
Ron: That's his dad, man!
MAN: So, Danny.
Crow (MAN): You want to jump around in Underoos all day like me?
Ron: That would seem to be your line now.
The shot moves out and we see the man standing in front of three people in chairs. On the far left is a black-haired boy dressed in a white with red shirt, blue jeans, and red and white sneakers. Sitting next to him is a black-haired girl and an African American boy. The girl is wearing stereotypical Goth attire consisting of a black with purple tanktop that exposes her midriff, a black skirt with green plaid stripes, purple tights and black boots. The other boy is wearing a red hat with a tucked in yellow shirt along with green pants and brown boots. The entire group is sitting in front of a closed yellow and black door that seems to be a portal of some kind.
MAN: You and your little friends want to hunt ghosts.
Cut to the black-haired boy, Danny.
DANNY: Ah, ac-ac-actually, Dad? I...want to be an astronaut.
Tom: Great way to start, kid, you're on a satellite right now.
Pan to the girl.
GIRL: Sorry, Mr. Fenton. I was into ghosts, but they're so mainstream now.
Crow: Yes, because you bump into a ghost at every street corner.
They're like cellphones.
Pan to other boy.
BOY: Waste these looks and all this charisma hunting ghosts? Criminal.
Tom: Yes, you're obviously meant to be a bodybuilder.
Cut to Danny's father's face.
DANNY'S FATHER: Well, if you do want to hunt ghosts,--
Crow: (DANNY'S FATHER) You need to wear pants.
He turns to a table behind him with laboratory equipment and beakers.
DANNY'S FATHER: --there are a few things you need to learn.
Crow: (DANNY'S FATHER)Like how to choose flattering jumpsuit colors.
Danny's father messes around with a few of the glasses on the table.
Cut to Danny's face. Danny suddenly has a blue mist escaping from his mouth.
Crow: (DANNY) Could we turn down the A/C? It's freezing in here.
DANNY: Oh, no.
Cut to the portal from earlier, the door now opening.
DANNY: (offscreen) This isn't good.
Tom: What was your first clue, Sherlock?
Two ghosts that look like octopuses escape from the green-swirling portal. The ghosts grab the girl and the boy around their mouths and lift them up out of their chairs.
Cut to Danny's father's face.
DANNY'S FATHER: True, I've never seen a ghost, but when I do, I'll be prepared.
Ron: In relation to who? You're the most incompetent ghost hunter in Amity Park!
Pan to Danny standing behind his father. Danny looks alarmed.
Cut to the ectopuses floating above the floor, the girl and boy still in their grasp.
DANNY'S FATHER: (offscreen) And so will you. Whether you want to be or not.
Cut to Danny's face. Danny gets a determined look on his face.
The shot opens to Danny's father still messing with the various items on the lab table while Danny jumps offscreen, a white light appearing and disappearing before various fighting noises are heard.
DANNY'S FATHER: (not aware of anything going on) It all starts with your equipment.
Crow: What are you, DEAF? Your son is fighting ghosts behind you, and you have NO idea!
Tom: (DANNY) Hi, I'm half ghost, and I'm being quieter than a mouse!
As he says this he holds up an item that looks like a thermos. Behind him an ectopuss goes flying past and offscreen.
Cut to the three empty chairs on the floor. The girl and boy are flung back into theirs. Danny's father goes over to them.
DANNY'S FATHER: Sam, Tucker, this is the Fenton Thermos.
Danny's father hands the thermos to the girl, Sam, and both Sam and Tucker look at it. Danny's father turns back around to the lab table.
DANNY'S FATHER: It's supposed to
Crow: (DANNY'S FATHER) Keep soup warm, because ghosts just LOVE soup!
The screen opens and shows Sam and Tucker sitting behind Danny's father just as an ectopus goes flying past and offscreen. Danny's father doesn't notice.
DANNY'S FATHER: --but since it doesn't work yet it's just a thermos, (proudly) a thermos with the word "Fenton" in front of it.
Ron: So, he's proud of adding his name to a thermos? Doesn't take much to boost his ego.
Cut to the open portal. The ectopuses look defeated and dizzy and fly back into the swirling portal. Another white light flashes offscreen.
The screen opens a little to reveal Danny standing where the light came from. The portal suddenly closes and Danny jumps offscreen. His father points at the now closed portal.
DANNY'S FATHER: And that? That is the Fenton Portal.
He walks towards the portal.
DANNY'S FATHER: It releases ghosts into our world whether I want it to or not. And someday, I'll figure out how that (he taps the door) works too.
Danny: Oh, I get it! (DANNY'S FATHER) Right after I figure out to put slimming vertical stripes on my jumpsuit!
Ron: Now you get the idea, Danny!
He turns around and walks towards Sam and Tucker, towering over them. Both Sam and Tucker are trembling.
DANNY'S FATHER: Now, who wants to hunt some ghosts?
Cut to Sam and Tucker trembling and Danny suddenly appears behind them, panting and putting a hand on the back of Tucker's chair.
Cut to Danny's father.
DANNY'S FATHER: You kids, look at cha!
Cut to Sam, Tucker, and the clearly exhausted Danny.
DANNY'S FATHER: (offscreen) You're too excited to speak!
Cut to Danny's father's face.
DANNY'S FATHER: So I'll just go on speaking. (takes a breath) I was born many years ago in a log cabin in the woods.
Cut to Sam, Tucker, and Danny. Sam and Tucker continue trembling.
DANNY'S FATHER: (offscreen) Don't exactly remember where, but I do remember I wanted a-
Crow: (DANNY'S FATHER) IQ in the positive range.
Sam and Tucker (both still trembling) look at Danny who only hangs his head.
DANNY'S FATHER: (offscreen) Never got the pony. As a matter of fact we had to eat horsemeat during the war. Had a problem with that.
The screen fades to black.
OPENING THEME HERE