-1NARUTO VS. A NINJA
Naruto was walking down a path in the forest. Suddenly, a black clad ninja jumped from a tree and blocked Naruto's path.
Naruto said "hey, who are you? Well, I'm Naruto and I'm going to be the greatest ninja ever! Well, I was, but the ninja academy kicked me out. You see, I was charged for sexual assault and that was against the rules now I can't become a ninja. The person who put the charges was my sexy ninjustu form because I kept touching her breasts a lot. I don't know how she managed to charge me because she is me, and if I were me I wouldn't mine touching myself. Of course, she is a girl and females are always bitches? Eh, eh? Bitches? Yeah, well, another reason I was kicked was that I flunked everything. But I swear it's the teachers' fault and not mine! Like there was this one math test I had to do. One question said 'what is 1 plus 1?' and I said to myself 'this is too easy!' And of course I wrote the obvious answer, 'ninjas don't count, shitheads!' But for some reason I got the question wrong! I was like, 'wat da fuk, yo?' Speaking of school, there was this one thing that happened that I was involved in. I was looking for my friends, Sasuke and Sakura, and I find them naked behind a bush doing something that made them really happy for some reason. So I yelled 'HOLY SHIT GUYS I JUST FLUNKED MATH!' and boy were they surprised. Then Sasuke goes 'what the hell Naruto? Keep your voice down!' I shouted 'WHY? BECAUSE YOU AND SAKURA ARE NAKED AND YOU DOING SOMETHING BEHIND THIS BUSH!" Sasuke got mad and said 'you dumb blond!' I laughed and said 'you retard, my name isn't Blond, it's Naruto!' Then Sasuke attacked me and we had this really kick-ass ninjustu battle and stuff. A lot of classmates saw us fighting and they giggled at my friends. Sasuke saw everybody and yelled 'god damnit now everyone knows me and Sakura were having sex!' I was confused and asked 'what's sex?' Sakura got angry at that question and she kicked in my groin I lost the battle. It really hurt so I had to go to the nurse's office. I asked if she could kiss my owy, but for some reason she slapped me! Crazy bitch! Anyways, I was really angry at Sakura and Sasuke so I decided to get revenge. It wasn't much, I just chopped off Sakura's head and planted evidence that Sasuke did it. Boy, the next day was awesome, because then Sasuke was sent to prison for life and he was really mad. I heard someone say 'don't drop the soap!' when Sasuke was being taken away and I wondered why say such a dumb thing. I mean, what could possibly happen if you drop soap at prison? Ah well, it doesn't matter anyway, I still didn't get caught!. You know, this is like that one time I met this pirate. He said 'arr, pirates are better than ninjas.' So I said 'bring it on, motherfucka!' We were having a really challenging battle because we were evenly match, despite our different skills. Then this knight comes along and kicks both our asses and he says 'knights pwn noobs' and left. The pirate and me became best friends and we had lots of fun. But then one day he had to leave on a pirate ship. He asked if I could come with him, but I replied 'you kidding me? I'll get fucking seasick!' He left and I never saw him again. I sure do miss him, he knew how to made really good hamburgers. But enough about me, what about you?"
He looked at the ninja and saw it was asleep. Naruto took the ninja's wallet and spent all the money on piñatas.