This is set after X-MEN three. Munroe/Storm takes over for The Professor. Thank you MJ for going over this story for me. You rock. And an edit: Thanks to Kimmae for going through these old chapters and beta reading :)


YOU WONT FIND HER

CHAPTER ONE

WHO AM I HOLDING ONTO?

I twisted the silver chain around my fingers just enough to cut off some circulation. I wanted to see him again. I wanted to feel him again. You know how when you're surrounded by people, you get a different feeling from each of them? Not bad feelings or good feelings, just a feeling, like you're picking up on the essence of their soul. Even when you think about that person, you get that feeling. It's not as strong, but you feel it. Well, I miss feeling him. I let loose of the chain, and watched it slowly twirl off my fingers. I watched as the titanium key charm dangled.

I know he doesn't like me that way. I think I'm like a daughter, or maybe a little sister to him. Ah, what am I thinking? I really shouldn't be worrying about these things. I have a boyfriend! A lovely boyfriend at that.

I swear, sometimes Bobby can be such a sweetheart, but I question his sexual orientation. I know he's not gay, but you know... most sensitive guys are.

"Marie!"

Who was shouting my name this time? It wasn't Bobby... he was talking to a few of his friends. So who was it? I spun around to see if I could find where that voice came from.

Professor Munroe, of course. Storm took over for Xavier after he died. Why didn't I recognize her voice? I must be too deep in thought.

I walked up to Munroe with a smile, "Hello."

"Hello, Marie." Her voice was filled with kindness, something I've been lacking these days.

"Was there something you wanted?"

"Yes. I wanted to tell you that Logan called. He told me to tell you that he's doing fine and will be back in a week."

My excitement was obviously visible, but who cares? Logan was my rock, my shoulder to cry on, and my protector. Sometimes I wanted him to be more, but it's not right. We're not right.

"Thank you for letting me know."

"You're quite welcome."

"I miss him," I stated quite bluntly.

Every time Logan left, I went crazy. I was like a child lacking a parent. Okay, wait, not a good comparison! You don't love your father, right? Didn't think so. I think it's more like I'm missing the other half of myself. I don't feel safe. I don't feel complete. I don't feel happy. I need my other half back.

I gripped the silver chain. It wasn't a necklace.

"It's a pendant on a chain! If you're going to call it a necklace at least have the courtesy to call it a man necklace."

I smiled at the memory. My smile quickly faded, once the rest of my memories involving the necklace came to me. See, it was a gift from Jean. I think it was to replace the tags he once wore. Why didn't I think of doing that? Scott didn't understand it, though. He was jealous. He had reason to be, though. The reason Jean gave Logan this, was because she...

I dropped the silver chain—

...loved him.

Now with Jean gone, this is the only piece he has of her....

"Are you okay?" Munroe asked.

"Oh yes, sorry. I was just—" I knelt down to pick up Logan's necklace.

She smiled. "You care about him quite a lot, don't you?"

I picked up the necklace and nodded, "Yes, I do."

"It's a shame he doesn't realize how much," she went on in a knowing way. "You know, sometimes one can care about somebody so much... they forget what it is stopping them from showing it."

"I... uhm...." Where was a good excuse when I needed one?

"No need to explain."

I nodded hesitantly. How did she know? Am I that obvious? I really don't want anyone to know about my feelings towards Logan. I am ashamed of these feelings! I forgot what this necklace meant to him. I got so caught up in what it meant to me....

"Marie!" Bobby ran up to me.

"Oh, hey there." I smiled.

"Another time?" Munroe asked. It wasn't really a question though. Judging by her tone of voice, it seemed like a statement.

"Yes" I said, "another time would be great."

After Munroe made her way down the hall, Bobby's curious side came out, "Another time for what, may I ask?"

"It's girl stuff."

"Okay, then. Does this girl stuff concern me any?"

I giggled, "Maaaaybe...."

Truth is, in a way it does concern him. The feelings I have for Logan are wrong, inappropriate. He is much older than I and... well, you get the rest. He's still grieving over Jean. Last thing the man needs is some young woman crushing all over him.

After all, that's all I really am. Some young woman, not his.