His younger brother was separating himself from him.
Ever since the time when Kaoru send him on that blasted 'date' with Haruhi, he felt somehow... lost. Sure, they were acting as usual, doing pranks, acting in the Host Club activity, attending to school. Nothing was odd.
Well, apart of the fact that Kaoru dissappeared sometimes, and Hikaru couldn't find him anywhere. It happened way too often for Hikaru's liking. Everyday after Host activitates vere over, Kaoru would say something about some 'business' he must do and that Hikaru could maybe lead Haruhi home? And with a last sweet and a little sad smile, he was storming off, leaving no room for arguing. Hikaru never walked Haruhi home. He didn't want to, simply because he was thinking about Kaoru and his sad expression with a forced smile.
He didn't like the feeling of being separated with his mirror image. And the thought that Kaoru was doing it on purpose was making it even worse.
He sighed again, looking longily at the gates, hoping to see the familiar figure coming back from wherever it was. The sun was almost down, the sky getting darker and darker with every passing minute. And a low growl was heard from the heavy, black clouds. Great, now it was going to rain too.
He flopped down on the bed, finding it not comforting without Kaoru body laying next to his. It felt epmty, lonely and cold and Hikaru reached for his twin pillow and hugged it to his chest, breathing in the familiar, sweet and murky scent.
It hurt to be alone. It hurt pretty damn too much.
And it was all his fault, anyway.
Since that "date" incident... Something changed. When Kaoru got hurt by that damned vase... he nearly cried. He didn't want to let go of his twin hand, afraid of losing him.
This time it was a scratch on his cheek, but what would he do if his precious Kaoru was hit with the whole vase and got really, seriously hurt? And just because he wanted to protect Haruhi, Hikaru's 'crush'... he got hurt because of him.
That thought made him feel fear in many different ways.
And when he woke up the next morning and found Kaoru lying on the floor, something in his chest tightened.
Was he hurting Kaoru so much? Even in his sleep? Was he pushing him away?
And that date. He got everything wrong, even when he wanted to do it good, because Kaoru ordered him so. He tried, he really did... but when that storm came, he thought only about one thing... Not about Tamaki's wrath, Haruhi's silent treatment for the rest of his life... just one thing.
Kaoru is afraid of the storm...
But then Tamaki called him, told him to find Haruhi, because she was afraid of the storm, too. And he did found her, because... because she was afraid like Kaoru was, and Kaoru wanted him to bee good to Haruhi, so he...
He clutched the pillow tightly, holding back the tears.
Kaoru thought that Hikaru loved Haruhi. And now, seeing that she was getting more and more fond of Tamaki senpai, Kaoru tried to give Hikaru and her some time alone.
The older twin realy hated those moments.
He felt comeplete only when he was acting with Kaoru for the fangirls. Even if that meant only acting. His touches lingered, his teasing subsided and he was more and more gentle towards his twin. He wasn't sure if Kaoru noticed the change.
He hugged the pillow closely, eyes once again looking at the heavy sky. The storm was coming, he could hear the roaring thunder coming. He sighed to the pillow and wished it was his brother body.
The first droplets fell, he wasn't sure if it was rain or...
"Idiot, if you would came back with me yesterday, nothing like that would have happened!" Hikaru nudged his feverish brother. Kaoru was lying on the bed, a damp loincloth against his forehead, his breath coming in low gasps. He smiled slowly, cocking an eyebrow at his older twin.
"Saaay, Hikaru..." he paused to take a long breath. "Did you walked Haruhi home? The storm was pretty nasty, you know, she was probably scared last night." He stated simply and coughed, shutting his eyes closed.
Hikaru's eye twitched in annoyance.
"I didn't walk her home." he growled angrily, forcing Kaoru to look at him, confused.
"Why not? You should have, you had your chance, idiot!"
"Our Lord took her home." Hikaru clenched his fists, sitting on the chair next to the bed. Kaoru sighed in defeat.
"Too bad... well, we'll try again, it's not like Tamaki senpai can be always with her, afterall, we have the same classes and..."
That was just too much to Hikaru.
He harshly got up, the chair falling to the floor with a loud 'thump'. He glared in desperation at his twin, trynig to hold back the angry and hurt tears in his eyes, clenching his fists at his sides even more. He choked back a sob and stood there for a second, shivering. Kaoru looked at him and sat up the moment his older brother got up from the chair.
"Why the hell do you insist at doing this? You moron!! I don't care about her! She's my friend, our friend, nothing more!!" he shouted, the tears finally forming in his eyes.
"Idiot! She can be even hit by a thunder and I wouldn't even give a damn if you wouldn't be anywhere near her!" Hkaru shouted the last part and stormed out of the room, leaving Kaoru in stunned silence.
Outside, the storm was coming again, and the first, unsure drops fell silently on the white sheets.
He was feeling like a total shit.
Well, maybe not literally, but he was sure it was close to it.
He was sitting in their garden alcove, surrounded by the roses and other flowers he didn't even recognize. He remembered they were playing here often as a kids, telling secrets, plotting pranks, crying and smiling and hugging as innocent as they were.
And it was here that he had found Kaoru, when the storm got his little brother scared. He comforted him, hugged tightly and promised to never leave him again.
Hikaru smiled sadly, looking at the words carved in the old wooden table.
Hikaru + Kaoru 4 ever!!
He had broken his promise. He wanted to abandon his twin for someone else, for someone which he didn't even love. Someone who didn't understand him that much like Kaoru did, without words.
His twin, his brother, his mirror image was his love.
He wondered why he haven't seen it earlier. Maybe things wouldn't be so complicated then? Maybe Kaoru wouldn't have to run away from Hikaru? Maybe they could have been...happy.
Hikaru collapsed on the table with a loud sob, just when the first thunder roared trough the sky.
"Kaoru... Kaoru, I'm so sorry..."
He pulled the covers more tightly around himself, trying deperately to ignore the storm that was raging outside. He burried his face into his pillow, holding Hikaru's pillow tightly to his chest. Breathing in his scent he tried to relax, but just then another thunder cracked. He let out a small whimper, letting the tears slowly fall.
He really wanted to have Hikaru here.
The only storm that he had experienced alone was when Hikaru was on that date with Haruhi... He had never admitted that he was horrified. But at that time, jealousy kept him in check, and intent worry about his brother weel-being. But he was alone, and no one came to rescue him that night.
Now he's all alone, too.
He whimpers and lets out a sob, finally letting go of whatever boundaries were keeping his fear inside of him. The fear of being alone, of being left by Hikaru for someone else, of feeling so lost and small for the rest of his life and the storm... all of it made him crack.
The windows shuddered, rain was pouring outside and the wind roared wildly, followed by Kaoru's cries for his twin.
"Hi-Hikaru! Hikaru! ...uuu..Hikaru!" He repeated the name like mantra, trying to gain some comfort.
It didn't work.
And when the covers were brutally shown out of his grasp, exposing his face to the darkness of the room, he cried even louder.
"Shh, I'm here... I'm here."
Two strong arms encircled him, pulling him upstraight against something damp, but warm. He shuddered when another lightning shot and burried his nose in the crook of Hikaru's neck. Hikaru gently stroked his brother hair, petting it slowly, the other arm holding Kaoru by the waist, supporting him.
"I'm here, Kaoru, see? Shh, the storm can't get you... I'll protect you, don't cry..."
"Hi..Hikaru...Hikaru..." he clutched his brother tighter, hiding his face in his twin's neck.
"Hey, I'm not letting you go... not now, not ever. You're the one that matters, the one I care for..." he pulled away slightly and took Kaoru's face in his hands, smiling gently.
"You're the one I love, Kaoru."
And he sealed it all with a kiss.
The next time when the thunder crashed, Kaoru didn't even flinch in the kiss.
Kaoru woke up, the sun shining brightly on his face. He was tired (thanks to Hikaru and their..activity), so he snuggled back into familiar warmth of Hikaru's arms. He smiled, when the older twin nuzzled the back of his neck, kissing it sleepily. The arms around him tighened.
"Hikaru? You're awake?" He murmured softly and turned to face his brother. Hikaru smiled and opened his eyes, looking warmly at his Kaoru.
"Good morning, Kaoru." Hikaru then leaned in and kissed him, just like he did yesterday and the whole night long. Kaoru eagerly responded, snuggling closer.
When they've parted, they looked into each others eyes and only embraced each other, basking in the feeling of comeplete love and safety. Hikaru chuckled, kissing Kaoru softly on the lips.
"What's so funny?" He asked, already smiling.
"You smell like rain."
"You do, too."
Hikaru only pulled him closer and started to rub circles on his back. Kaoru sighed in pleasure.
"Next time, we'll go in the storm together."