Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! GX or any of the anime featured in this story. If I did, I would crucify Crowler for all of his sins and the E-Heroes would be way stronger(if they were I would ahve kept all of mine...)
The Real Elemental Heroes
By Fullmetal Shinobi
Chapter 1: Put the Fun in Dysfunctional
TV Announcer Guy: "Anime City, the place of residence of some of some of the biggest Anime stars ever! But like all cities, Anime City has it's crime problems. Who will catch the dirty criminals? Why the Elemental Heroes of course! Protecting Anime City from criminals, super villains and Canadians, the Elemental Heroes are our last great hope! cuts to scene where all the E-Heroes are fighting with each other, except for Clayman who is crying in the corner, and Bubbleman, who was playing in traffic) Oh God, if this is our last great hope, we're all screwed"
It was another beautiful day in Anime City. The birds were singing, the alchemists were transmuting crap into other crap, and Gaara was killing random hobos.
But deep underground Anime City, a great evil was brewing. An evil so great, so terrible, that no mortals dared to speak it's name. No it's not Voldemort, it's even than worse than that. It's...it's...the Republican Party!!!! Gasp!!!
In the middle of Anime City, in a building that looked like a giant swoopy H(the E-Hero signal)the E-Heroes were, amazingly, not fighting with each other. Avian was in his room, doing...very naughty things, Burstinitrix was beating the crap out of an Avian punching bag, Clayman was playing with Hot Wheels quietly by himself, Sparkman was drinking tea and being British, Bladedge was wrapping yet another self-inflicted wound in bandages, Wildheart was rope swinging outside the tower and knocking into the windows like a drunken pigeon, Neos was playing World of Warcraft, Necroshade was being emo as usual and Bubbleman was trying his hardest to get his large head out of the garbage disposal.
Just then Commissioner Komui Li appeared in the living room. Komui, of course, was sleeping under a pile of paperwork. All the E-Heroes, except Avian and Bubbleman for obvious reasons, gathered around the moniter.
"Commissioner!" said Bladedge. No answer.
"Commissioner!" yelled Neos. Still no answer, only louder snoring.
"Wake up you lazy mother f-"Burstinitrix started to yell, but she was interrupted by Sparkman before she raised the rating of this story.
"No, no ol' chaps, that's not the way to wake 'im," said Sparkman in his heavy British accent. "You need to do it like this: Oh Komui, I heard that Linali's getting married."
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Why Linali why?!?" exclaimed the recently awakened commissioner/exorcist/overprotective older brother.
"Work every time," said Wildheart in his usual broken speach.
Komui straightened his glasses. "Now, the reason why I called you was because Anime City is being threatened by You-Know-Who," Komui said.
"Who, Voldemort? I'll charbroil him to Double Whopper status!!!" exclaimed Burstinitrix.
"No, not that You-Know-Who. Even worse than that," said Komui through the screen.
"Who could be worse than Voldemort, the Canadians?" asked Bladedge.
"Take a look outside." Burstinitrix set fire to the heavy drapes that covered the very large windows of Hero Tower to reveal thousands upon thousands of middle-aged white American men in suits marching the streets of Anime City.
"Crikey! It's the Republican Party!" exclaimed Sparkman.
"Not Republicans!" screamed Wildheart. Clayman started to cry and Bubbleman mumbled something incoherently from inside the garbage disposal.
"What hath we mortals done to ye almighty God to bringith thy fate upon us!" Neos shouted to the heavens in Old English.
"Well it seems that the Republicans are afraid of losing their power in Congress this year to the Democrats, so they invaded our fair city to scare us into voting for them," explained Komui. "I have no idea why because Anime City is in Japan, but hey, that's Southern logic for you."
"We must stop this conservative menace before it's too late and America is stuck under Republican rule for the next two years," said Bladedge, who raised his fist and accidentally cut himself. He then ran off to bandage himself.
"Wait, why do we care what happens to America?" asked Necroshade, who didn't want to fight because he was too busy being emo.
"Because America is Japan's biggest export market because America can't make cars or electronics or action cartoons worth crap, and if the Republicans remain in control of the Government they may cut off trade with Japan!" said Neos.
"Heretics!" exclaimed Sparkman.
"We must fight aging white men," Wildheart said.
"So what the hell are we waiting for? Hurry up and get Perv Bird and Bubblesped so we can go and kick some ass!" Burstinitrx yelled angrily. Such terms of endearment she gives her comrades.
Neos went over to Avian's door. "Avian, come on! We have to go save the city again!" said Neos.
"Just a second...gah! Look at the mess I made! Oh well I'll let housekeeper take care of it," Avian said. "Hang on let me find my pants...oh, here they are." Avian ran out the door of his Playboy poster endowed room and zipped his pants up.
"What where you doing in there?" Clayman asked in his childlike innocence.
"I'll tell you when you're older," said Avian, combing his hair.
Meanwhile, Sparkman, Wildheart and Burstinitrix were trying to get Bubbleman's head out of the drain. Necroshade was listening to his Ipod, still being emo.
"A little 'elp ol' chaps, we can't get Bubbleman's head out of the sink!" Sparkman said.
"Just turn on the garbage disposal," said Burstinitrix. "It won't be pretty, but but it'll get him unstuck."
"Let me help," said Bladedge. He sliced open the sink, getting Bubbleman's enlarged head out, but also severing his arms in the process. "Dammit not again!" he said as he ran to the infirmary for the third time that afternoon.
"So now that this matter is resolved, let's go save Anime City!" said Avian as he and all the other E-Heroes struck dramatic poses.
Huzza! My first chapter is done! Just to let everyone know, this is my first story so don't go psycho on me if it sucked. I am sorry if this chapter was a little short, my hands started to hurt last night when I was writing my rough draft and my attention span isn't nearly long enough to do anything longer right now. But there will be another chapter of this story soon enough(probably before the end of next week) Please review to let me know if you liked it or not, and please give me suggestions to make the story better or to give me new ideas, my imagination tanks are nearly empty. And for the end of the story, I have some simple character descriptions
Avian is perverted
Burstinitrix is angry at everything that blinks
Clayman has the mind of an autistic 4-year-old
Sparkman is British
Bubbleman is touched in the head
Bladegde is accident-prone
Neos is a nerd
and it doesn't take a genius to figure out what Wildheart and Necroshade are.
Coming next chapter: The E-Heroes and the Republicans face off in a battle of good versus evil and the E-Heroes fight each other in a battle of ego versus ego! Plus more cameos from various animes!
PS: I am very sorry if what Avian was doing early in the story offended anyone. Sayonara until next time!