AN: Oh my. Sami has really done it this time. She has overdosed on fluffy RoyEd fanfiction and needs a way to let it all out. So, she has decided to do an insanely fluffy RoyEd comedy. Besides, it's about time I wrote something on the lighter side of the spectrum. So maybe it is a bit of procrastination, but whatever. The plot bunny has struck and it commands me to write, so I shall. Oh. This is AU by the way, so remember that, mmkay?

Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist.





Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there lived a prince, who was deemed the most stunning in all the land. His lustrous raven hair and dazzling onyx eyes could take any woman's – or man's – breath away instantly. Even his smile could make the receiver faint dead on the spot. In short, the prince was very popular amongst the populace – he even had his own fan club. Yes, the prince was indeed very handsome, drop-dead gorgeous even, but he wasn't happy. Far from it actually.

Now, one must wonder why a man blessed with such an amazing appearance and such an extravagant lifestyle would be unhappy. Not even his parents understood what the basis for this despondency was. The young prince was to inherit the throne after his father's death and was to be wed to the equally magnificent Princess Riza in less than a half a year – in 3 months to be exact. There were plenty of men who would give anything to live the life the prince lived.

Yes. The prince may be absolutely marvelous, charming, intelligent, and aesthetically pleasing to boot, but there was also arrogance, stubbornness, spoiling, and ambitiousness lurking underneath that perfect facade. It was not an exaggeration to say that the prince had an ego that was large enough to be mistaken for a continent – possibly an entire hemisphere! That ego didn't like to be deflated either. It was always his way or no way and the prince was intending to keep it that way.

It is now time to return to the source of the heir to the throne's unhappiness. Actually, it was quite simple really. He did not want to be married to the Princess. It was as simple as that. Of course it wasn't her appearance that set him off, the prince was more than happy to have such a beautiful lady as his queen-to-be. No. It was her stoic and serious personality that set him off. Then there was also the fact that he wasn't the one choosing who his bride was. One of the prince's pet peeves: having things decided for him. So really, there was really no mystery about the gloom surrounding him.

The reason behind this arranged marriage? Well, the prince's kingdom and the princess' had been on poor terms ever since an incident long ago – no one even remembered really what had sparked the dislike between the two – so the two royal families figured that if their heirs got married then the dispute would be settled and order would be restored. The prince had snorted at the mere idea of it. In his opinion, it was a plan that was stupid beyond belief.

Oh! The prince's name? Why, it was Roy. Yes. Prince Roy Mustang.


It was the first of July and the kingdom of Armestris was flourishing, basking in the sun's hot rays. The sky was blue, dotted with a few puffy white clouds, and the ocean was even bluer. Waves crashed gently against the sandy coast, the white foam rolling over the soft sand. The air was thick with the heat, but thankfully the humidity had been kept at bay and a cool breeze was always about just in case the heat became too much. Plants and animals were more alive than ever. Flowers of every color blossomed and grew. Animals of every shape and size scurried about, enjoying the long summer days.

The people were thriving. It wasn't hard to enjoy life at the moment. More than often the terraces of restaurants and cafes would be crowded, filled to the brim with men, women, and children. No one wanted to be inside as the salty sea air was fresh and comforting. That and the smells of freshly brewed teas were far to enticing to resist.

Yes. Tea. Armestris was famous for its tea. Some of the best breweries in the entire world were located right in the kingdom. Travelers from all over would flock to Armestris to see if the rumors were true. They never left disappointed.

However, there was one person in the kingdom that wasn't enjoying this pleasurable day. If you guessed Prince Roy, then you had struck the nail dead on the head. The prince was sulking in his own gloom again. What a surprise.

Prince Roy's lips were pulled into a tight frown as he gazed out his bedroom window. It was just another day going by, bringing him closer the dreadfully close marriage. He shuddered when he thought about the idea of committing himself to one woman for life. After all, he was still young, only in his early twenties, and not ready for such a big leap. Roy couldn't help but think of marriage as jumping off a cliff only to discover that there wasn't any net to catch you like you had first thought. Marriage was a scary thing.

He sighed and let his chin rest in the upturned palm of his right hand, elbow resting on the window ledge. The hustle and bustle of the streets below drifted up to reach his ears, reminding him of the kingdom he would soon rule. This in itself was not too bad at all. Actually, Roy couldn't wait to claim the throne. His frown quickly turned into a smirk when he thought about the changes he was going to implement, one of them involving tiny miniskirts and women – a personal favorite of his.

A sudden knock at his bedroom door snapped him out of his wonderful reverie and the scowl returned to his features. Roy also hated to be bothered. That was another one of his pet peeves. He let out an aggravated sigh.

"Come in," he said dryly, dragging out each syllable in hopes of conveying his irritation. It was just his luck that it was Lord Maes at the door. Let's just say that Maes wasn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box.

"Hiya, Roy!" the young man said cheerfully as he pushed open the door and barged in, completely oblivious to the prince's usual foul mood. The lord sported a grin so wide that Roy found it a miracle that the man's face hadn't split in two. Yet, that grin couldn't help but make the prince feel uneasy. He only ever saw that grin when-

"Look at these pictures of Elysia! Isn't she just too cute!" Maes squealed, flashing his latest batch of photographs. Roy winced as Hughes continued to babble on about his baby daughter. The prince was subjected to this almost every day if not more. It had become a sort of event built into his schedule. Wake up. Sulk. See Hughes' latest photos. Sleep. It happened so often that Roy should probably have figured out how to avoid it.

"Yes, she's wonderful," Roy said, voice slightly strained, but not as much as the fake smile he had put on for his friend's sake. Of course, Maes didn't notice this either.

"I know! She's just too precious for words!" The young man let out another squeal of joy before promptly kissing on the larger photographs. "Just think, Roy! Soon you'll be having kids of your own!"

'Oh damn.'

Roy had been hoping to avoid this conversation at all costs. It had been hard enough all the years Maes had been trying to get him to find a wife, but now he was going to bother him about kids too? The prince didn't want to think about kids right now. He was too young to have to deal with screaming mongrels. Roy had baby cousins. He knew what devil spawn was.

"Think, Roy! Elysia would have a playmate!" Hughes exclaimed enthusiastically, not even noticing the pleading expression on Roy's face. The prince wished that his friend had been blessed with the ability to sense people's emotions, or at least a muzzle, but sadly, not all wishes come true.

"Yeah. Great," the prince replied dully before tuning out the rest of Hughes' ramblings and settling for staring out the window again. Of course, everything was relatively alright until Maes' words reached his brain instead of going in ear and out the other.

"But remember to use protection if you're not ready for kids. Condoms are your friends. "

"Hughes!" Roy snapped, spinning around to face his friend, face flushed. The heat had rushed to his cheeks in 3.21 seconds, a new record. Hughes would have to right that down later. The young lord's grin grew and he darted off towards the door, leaving a fiery faced Roy behind.

"See ya!" Hughes said brightly, giving the prince a quick, light wave before scurrying off to bother some of the palace guards with his photos. Poor souls.

The prince growled softly under his breath as he turned to face the refreshing breeze in hopes that it would cool down his flaming red cheeks. However, much to the prince's irritation, the wind had managed to change direction slightly. It was no longer blowing towards his open window. Instead it blew right past and into the distance. This only irritated Roy even more.

"Stupid Hughes. Stupid wind," he grumbled, pushing himself away from the window. The prince then began to pace, but the color did not drain away – he had inspected himself multiple times in the tall ornate golden mirror that hung on his wall. He cursed rather loudly, not really caring if anyone heard. Though he immediately regretted it when he heard another knocking at his door.

"Who is it?" he spat venomously. Hopefully whoever was at the door this time would catch wind of the prince's anger. Well, they did because there was a loud 'Eep!' in response.

"U-um… I-is everything alright Y-Your H-Highness?" a timid voice asked from the other side of the door. Roy immediately identified the owner of the voice, Kain Fuery, one of the palace guards.

"Yeah. You sound a little pissed," another voice asked before muttering softly, "Not that you aren't always pissed." This earned Kain's elbow being shoved into the owner's side. Now, this voice Roy could identify easily enough as well, Jean Havoc, another one of the palace guards.

"I'm fine," the prince replied. "Just leave me alone."

"Fine! Fine!" Havoc replied. "We'll leave you to sulk, but you might want to take a walk or something to cool off." There was a small pause. "Hothead," he muttered before 'oofing' as Fuery elbowed him again.

"Don't talk to the prince like that!" Kain hissed.

"Whatever," Havoc replied.

"We're s-sorry to have d-disturbed you!" Fuery squeaked before running off, Havoc in tow.

Roy sighed again for the umpteenth time and thought about the suggestion Havoc had made. A walk? He might as well give it a shot. It was about time he left the palace anyways. If he stayed inside much longer he'd become claustrophobic.

So that settled it. The prince promptly left his room, skillfully sneaking past the guards – the last thing he needed was an escort – and out of the palace. By now the heat in his face had subsided almost completely, but Roy was sure that his cheeks were still rosy. The walk should clear that up.

He wandered down the streets, past shops filled with every item imaginable, restaurants, and of course people. Roy put on his princely act, smiling and greeting anyone who happened to acknowledge his presence – pretty much everyone he passed. It seemed as if the moodiness had evaporated and there was only happy Prince Roy.

It didn't take the prince long to push past the crowds and move down towards the beach, which was surprisingly deserted half the time. There was a reason behind this, but Roy found it absurd, even more absurd than the plan his parents had come up with. He found it so incredulous that he refused to believe it or even think of it, so he went about his business and visited the beach whenever he so damn well pleased, as if some old sea man's tale was going to scare him off.

He pulled off his boots and socks, letting his toes dig into the warm sand. Roy frowned when he looked down at the rest of his attire, which was most definitely high class and much too warm for the summer heat. He looked around, just making sure that no one else was around. Seeing that no one was, the prince stripped down to his simple beige britches and white sleeveless undershirt, dumping the rest of his garments in a heap on the sand.

A happy breath left him and the cool breeze caressed his hot skin. Freedom was such a nice thing. Roy then moved towards the ocean, letting the lukewarm water wash over his feet for a moment as he just stared out towards the horizon. The cries of seagulls mixed with the crashing of the waves upon the shore and the wind. It was all so soothing. Maybe he should take walks more often.

The prince soon became bored with staying still and began to walk down along the shoreline, eventually reaching a nice stretch of flat rocks that made perfect tide pools. Roy amused himself by examining the contents of each pool before reaching the farthest rock, the one that jutted out into the sea.

Roy winced as his bare foot scraped against the rock's jagged surface. He ignored the stinging and continued on, but not before noticing that something had cut into the rock to create that jaggedness. The prince couldn't help but wonder what. He figured that the most logical explanation was erosion. Water and wind were both very destructive elements.

When he reached the edge of the rock, he sat down and examined his injured foot. There was a nice long scrape along the bridge of his foot and blood was trickling out of the wound. It wasn't serious, but the stinging was driving the prince insane. He let his feet dangle into the sea. The water would help with the cut in any case.

The prince remained seated for quite some time, feet in the water. He had actually just been about to get up and leave when he heard a few pebbles be kicked along and a dull smack. Roy frowned and had just been about to turn around when a sudden bright white light blinded him.

He let out a cry, immediately scrunching his eyes shut as a terrible pain rippled through him. It felt like thousands of white hot knives were biting into his flesh, pushing past skin, muscle, bone, everything. He pitched forwards, not remembering if it had been of his own accord or if someone else had given him a little push. Roy shuddered, suddenly feeling very cold, like ice. He gasped. It felt as if his airway had been closed off.

The prince cracked his eyes open, bubbles clouded his vision for a moment, but soon there was an intense stinging. Roy tried to yell, but nothing came out. His mouth filled with a salty taste and his limbs would not move properly. They felt heavy and every time he tried to kick there was a stabbing pain. He quickly felt himself grow weak and everything went dark, but Roy could've sworn that he saw a flash of gold before he lost consciousness.


AN: Awright! First chapter done! Anyways, don't forget to review because reviews make me happy. Now, updates will be every other week I suppose, but really it just depends on whether I'm in the mood to write. But yes, till the next chapter.