Discalimer: I don't own the Loveless series, just the main idea of this fic. The characters belong to Yun Kouga.
Summary: Ritsuka asks a lot of questions about his life so far. Both he and Soubi reminice about how they met and what is going to happen to them now. Read and review.
Warning: Strong suggestive matter, prossible lemons. YAOI/SHOUNEN-AI!!! Adult on adolescent subject matter.
Recommandation: Do not read if you do not like what the warning says. I will not tolerate any flaming if you don't like what you read, you will be reported emmediatly. (If the flame is about the couple or content of which you have been warned of.)
A/N: I'm finally back! And not so stuck up anymore! I wanted and needed to write so I did! Beware, this is my first Loveless fanfictionHave a nice reading!
Because of you
Chapter first: Powerless
Ritsuka sat at his desk, staring at the sky, the teacher's voice merely a whisper in his dog-like ears. His mind kept wondering back at Soubi, his figther, which he had met only two years ago after his brother's death. Beloved and Loveless. He thought sadly. It's not that he didn't like the name, Loveless, it's just that he didn't care for such an identity. It's something he had his entire life but had only known after twelves years. Now he was fourteen and he still couldn't believe what was happening to him. Sure, he had a fighter and he was a sacrifice, but what did it all mean? And most of all, who was Soubi, why was he so mysterious?
Ritsuka could still recall how he had met him two years back. Thinking about it made a smile appear on his innocent face. He asked his to 'make memories'. He laughed bitterly to himself, causing Yuiko to turn her quizzical doe eyes towards him. She leaned over and whispered.
"Is Ritsuka-Kun okay?"
Ritsuka turned his head to Yuiko and and just nodded with a small, fake smile. "I'm fine Yuiko..." He trailed off then looked back up at her. "I never asked you this before, what do you think of Soubi?"
Yuiko's head tilted to the side. "Soubi-Kun?" Then she smiled. "Yuiko thinks that - uh, I think that Soubi looks like a bishounen!" She exclamed loudly and beamed happily but slumped as most of the students had turned to look at her and the teacher's blushing face scolded her. "Sorry..." She looked down in her lap for a moment then looked back at Ritsuka. "Why do you ask Ritsuka-Kun?"
Ritsuka looked at her for a moment and just shook his head. "No reason, go back back to working Yuiko." He saw her nod and turn her head back to her books and sighed inaudibly. This had proven fruitless. Well, what did I expect? That she would say she liked him? Why do I feel like I should be angered if she did? He sighed again and looked out the window, right at the entrance. Blonde hair? Ritsuka couldn't suppress the smile that stretched across his face at that moment. Soubi came to pick me up! A smile stretched across his face.
As soon as that thought had ended, his phone beeped once and the red light at the front started flashing. A message. From Soubi? And like a child on christmas morning, Ritsuka smiled wider and quickly flipped his phone open and opened his text message with practiced ease.
"Escuse yourself out of class. Important. Kisses". The message read. Soubi always finished his messages with 'kisses', it was one way of knowing who wrote the message. Important? Like what? Another fighter in the area? One could never take that kind of threat lightly. Ritsuka got up, gathering his things. "Miss, I feel faint, I need to go home. Excuse me." The teacher could only nod numbly and watch him go quickly out the door.
As soon as he was in the hall, Ritsuka broke into a run, as soon as he was next to Soubi, he tried to catch his breath and spoke between pants. "So - huff - Where's this - haa - fighter Sou - bi?"
Yuiko sat in class, her head resting in her palm as she looked outside. She saw Ritsuka and watched as he caught his breath. He ran? She wondered. She noticed he was speaking to someone and squinted her eyes, no longer propped on her palm. She saw a glimpse of white hair. Soubi! She smiled as an image of his blonde hair flowing freely in the wind. She was snapped back to reality when she saw Soubi's arm come out from behind the wall, grabbing Ritsuka's chin and bending down towards the boy to steal a heated kiss. Yuiko gasped out loud with her red tinted cheeks and felt the familiar liquid heat pricking mockingly at the corner of her eyes. Ritsuka-Kun! She covered her face with her arm to keep the tears from falling and ran out of the classroom sobbing loudly.
Ritsuka stood with his eyes wide and his cheeks flaming as he felt the familiar touch of Soubi's warm and comforting lips. His eyes started to close as Soubi moved his lips across Ritsuka's slowly, trying to coax him to respond to him. But Ritsuka caught himself and tried to free himself from the adult's grasp. No! This is wrong! Soubi only tightened his grip on Ritsuka's jaw and brought him closer by pulling him from his waist.
Ritsuka groaned from the stinging pain the tight grip did on his jaw. Soubi took the oppertunity to slide his tongue inside his sacrifice's mouth and delighted in the small mewl-like sound he heard from the boy. Beautiful. He thought as he closed his eyes and explored deeper into boy's mouth. Soubi was lost, he had wanted to do that for months now, he had missed his little Ritsuka a lot.
Ritsuka got his senses back and pushed hard on Soubi's chest, managing to seperate their mouths. He looked fiercely into the older man's eyes. "What are you doing Soubi! Did you get me out here to molest me!" He was mad, his mind thinking he was just being used. He was hurt, but tried not to show it. "I love you, Ritsuka." Was all Soubi had said before he turned around and started to leave. Ritsuka just stood there angrily, watching the adult's retreating back. "Don't come back here again, you hear me!"
Ritsuka sighed and turned around to pick up his fallen books when he saw Yuiko. He froze, their eyes meeting for what seemed an eternity, a million questions going through Ritsuka's head. Did she see us? If not, what -did- she see? What is she thinking? Did she hear me give an order to Soubi? What will she make of it? He was getting a headache and he knew it, he winced as he felt a familiar thump inside his head. Here it goes... Ritsuka held the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, almost forgetting that Yuiko was still standing there watching him.
"Ritsuka-Kun...why?" Her voice was small and forced, Ritsuka could almost taste the tears she was holding back. He snapped his head up, his eyes like small pebbles as he looked at her, stunned.
"Why? I'm asking myself that same question every day, Yuiko." He gave a bitter laugh, making her wince. "Why is this happening to me? Why am I the target? Why am I here? Why me?" He closed his eyes and clenched his teeth hard, his jaw set in place. "I don't know why, Yuiko, I don't know anything. Not since Seimei died. He was my brother! Why did they kill him!" He looked at her, his eyes ablaze. He was angry, yet not at her.
Yuiko felt that he wanted to blame her, anyone, the way he was looking at her, the way his eyes were set on fire. His tail was twitching madly behind him and his ears flattened on his skull. He was seeing her, but not at the same time. He was remembering his brother. Seimei? She thought.Yuiko doesn't understand! She shook her head wildly and looked back up at him. "Why Ritsuka? Why were you kissing him?" She was wild, the tears now bursting forth from her eyes. She was confused and lost, her eyes searched his face, looking for any clue that this was just a bad joke, or better yet, a bad dream. Yes, it must be a dream!
"He kissed me!" She heard his angry face but most of all, she heard the hurt that was inside him. What's wrong with him?
"Isn't Ritsuka-Kun in love with Soubi-Kun?" She asked. The question was innocent, but it ripped Ritsuka's mind appart.
Do I love him? Now he was lost. He couldn't find himself, he couldn't find anything to say to that. But he knew that only one person could fish him out of the pond in one swing. Soubi... He looked at the dark sky, rain started pouring on his face. His cheeks were hot and he could no longer feel the burning trail his tears had done because of the cool rain. Tears? Was I crying all this time? He thought meekly. Ritsuka turned around and took to the street, leaving his books behind him, as well as Yuiko.
After walking home slowly, Ritsuka was soaked to the bone. He entered his house silently, shaking his head from the rain and called out to his mom. "I'm home mama!" It was an age old habit of his. He didn't hear the usual reply his mom would send back to him. That's right, mom's gone. He opened his eyes and looked sadly at the carpeted floor. His mom had killed herself half a year before, opening her wrists while she was bathing. She thought she had lost both her sons. She had grieved for months, right after Ritsuka's fourteenth birthday. She hadn't noticed he had gotten bigger and changed a little. He wore his hair a little longer now and had a little bit of muscle. He also had his human ears pierced, Soubi had convinced him. She couldn't recognise him anymore so she thought he was a complete stranger living in her house. She commited suicide afterwards when the grief of loosing her family became too big.
Ritsuka couldn't say he was sad about his, nor could he say he was happy either. It was more of a mixed feeling, like relief. She no longer suffered as well as he. He didn't have to see her throw fits because she couldn't find her sons and didn't have to feel any more physical pain from her when she threw stuff at him, thinking he was a bugler or a spy. He sighed. Now he lived alone in his house, he kept the same house to conserve his family's memory. The house and food was paid for by some social association that had come to him at his mtoher's funeral. He was supposed to be moved into another family but he had proven them that he could manage on his own. Of course mental tests were done on him for a while and he did have to keep seeing his therapist for a while longer but she finally judged he was ready to move on with life.
Ritsuka sighed again and took off his shoes and coat and placed them in the hanger and beside the door. He then started walking up the stairs to take a shower, all the while removing his clothes. He dumped them in the hamper and grabbed a fresh towel from the closet. After his shower, Ritsuka tied the towel around his waist and went back downstairs to get a drink and went back up the steps to his room to dress. He dropped his cell phone beside his computer in its usual place and put his can of fruit punch beside it. Ritsuka moved to his drawer and grabbed a pair of boxers that he pulled on when he heard the familiar beeping of his cell phone and saw the the red light flash.
A shiver ran down his spine when an image of Soubi entered his mind and he remembered what he had done to him earlier. Ritsuka pulled on a pair of slack black kaki pants and a belt then moved to sit in his computer chair. He grabbed the phone and read the message. Can't help it, can I? He sighed to himself.
"Unlock your window and let me in. Kisses." Ritsuka sighed. He's here isn't he? He leaned over the cell phone and typed in his message then placed the phone back in its place. After making sure the blinds were closed tightly, he ot his bed ready. Ritsuka walked back to his dresser and grabbed his clock to put the alarm on. 'Right. It's spring break starting. No school for two weeks.' He put the clock back in place when he heard the beeping of his phone once more.
Soubi stood outside the kid's window, sheltered by his umbrella. His sacrifice got smart enough to get locks for his windows. He patiently waited for his cell phone to beep with Ritsuka's answer to his request. When it did, he calmly flipped the phone open and quietly pressed into keys to open the message.
It read. "I told you to get better means of entry. Besides, I'm still mad at you for what you did today! Go home!" Soubi smirked. His little Loveless was such a spitfire. His smile deepened as he typed a reply in his phone. Tonight he wouldn't bother him...Too much.
Ritsuka flipped his phone open and clicked on various buttons to retrieve his new message.
"Good night then. I love you." Ritsuka slammed the phone into his pillow and burried his face beside it. His shoulders shook as he sobbed a little. After a while, he turned his face and looked solemnly at the retched portable phone laying innocently in his palm. He was powerless and he knew it.