AN: No, I haven't stopped writing Open Your Eyes. I am, however, having major writing block when it comes to that story. So, I decided to start this one and hopefully it will help me out of my writing block as well as convince my readers that I haven't forgotten about you. I simply am having problems writing the next chapter of Open Your Eyes. Forgive me, and I hope you like this one. I've been thinking about this for awhile. It's more In The Rough than Open Your Eye. What can I say? I missed writing angst. REVIEW!
This chapter is just an introduction. The chapters will get longer starting with the next one, trust me.
"I love you," Rory Gilmore whispered, her voice coming out in hoarse, soft sobs.
Logan Huntzberger sighed and pressed his hand to his forehead, "I love you, too, Ace, you know that."
Rory sat down on the couch, their couch, and tried to steady her sharp, haggard breaths. Her hand was shaking so violently that she could barely keep the phone pressed against her ear.
"But we can't do this anymore..." she said, digging the nails of her free hand into her palm.
"I know," he replied gently, fighting back tears himself, "I know."
"Another year in London, Logan. And then who knows what?"
"I want to figure something else out, Ace--"
"I know you do," she interrupted firmly, "But we both know that's near impossible."
Logan downed another shot, trying desperately to shake off the unbelievable feeling of depression that was draped over him. When did everything become so horribly wrong?
"I wish I could give you everything you want."
She was silent, and blood was emerging from the fresh wounds in her palm, but that was nothing compared to the pain pressing down on her heart. Why couldn't he just come home? Everything would be okay if he could just come home...
"Me too," she murmured, tears cascading down her cheeks.
He stood up and walked to the window of his apartment, staring out at the streets of London. The last thing he wanted was to let her go. He loved her. He missed her. God, he just wanted to go home. Another year in London. Another year. It was too much for them to handle, neither one of them was quite that strong.
"It's time to let go," she told him.
He turned away from the window and poured himself another shot. Numb. He didn't want it to hurt so much, he didn't want the choked sound of her voice to rip him apart inside. Damn it, he didn't want to feel like every part of him was shattering as she spoke.
"So, this is it, Ace?" he inquired, not an ounce of hope in his questioning tone.
"I think we both know that it is, but..." her voice trailed off.
"I can't imagine life..."
"Without you," he finished.
She didn't make a move to wipe away the tears, didn't even dare to breath in the silence that followed. He had been her rock for so long, her everything for so long. And just when she thought the year was over, that he would be returning home to her, they recieved news that he would be staying in London for another year. What kind of sick father did that to his only son?
They knew it was over between them two weeks ago when Logan informed her that he had had to remain in Europe. They didn't want to believe that something that meant so much could end so quickly, but it was unavoidable. She needed stability, and that was something he couldn't give her. Not right now, maybe not ever.
"I don't plan on finding out what life would be like without you. We've been through too much to not talk. There's no bad feelings between us, right?"
"Of course not."
"Then I don't see why we can't be..." his stopped.
"Friends?" she offered.
He downed another shot. Friends: friends with the girl he loved more than anything, friends with the person who meant most to him in the world. He couldn't even imagine going back to being friends with her, but it seemed to be his only choice. He had to let her go. She deserved so much more than what he had to offer. And if being friends was the only way he could keep her in his life, well, that would have to do.
"Friends," he agreed, a sad smile pulling at his lips.
The only reply he heard was the faint sound of sobs grabbing her again. He hated to be that one making her cry, hated that there was nothing he could do to bring a smile to her beautiful face again. If he had his way, he would be back in New Haven with her at this very instant. And if he could figure out another way he would blow off his father and come home, but...
"I've never been in a breakup quite like this before," she quipped, attemping to lighten the mood even though her sad tone contridicted the joking statement.
"We never did do anything quite by the book," Logan shot back.
Rory furiously wiped at her eyes, allowing a sad laugh to leave her at Logan's last statement. She felt like she was losing a piece of herself, and the worst part was that there was no way to it back together. They were heading in two completely different directions. There was no way they could stay in each other's lives for another year with an ocean in between them. It was too hard already.
But, God, she loved him so much...
"I'm sorry, Ace. I wish thing were different, you have no idea how much I wish things were different..."
"I know. I know you do."
"And who knows? Maybe when I get back we can--"
She cut him off, "Logan..."
"Sorry. I know."
He did know. He knew that this was it for them. Their last chance was being used up and it wasn't by them, it was by a situation beyond their control. They were letting go of each other because of his life and his job, because of his 'Huntzberger Destiny'.
"Don't be sorry," she shook her head, "I wish it could be that way."
"You have a class soon," Logan reminded her, his voice etched with concern.
"We'll talk again."
He smiled, tears gathering behind his chocolate brown eyes, "Of course."
"Okay," she paused, tucking her knees upto her chin, "Bye, Logan."
His voice came out in a whisper, "Goodbye, Ace."
Rory's head shot up, snapping her out of her daydream. It was still dark outside, long before the rest of the working world of Hartford was awake. This was the time she allowed for herself to think about him, about them, and what happened to their once magical relationship. With a heavy sigh, she raised her coffee to her lips and squeezed her eyes tightly shut.
They had talked after that conversation. Once or twice, one of them had dialed the familar numbers and initiated the conversation. But those phone calls died off, for it was too painful to hear the voice of the one they loved. And so, with no bitter feelings between them, they drifted apart. It had been two months since they last spoken.
She liked to pretend she had moved on, that she didn't need him in her life anymore, but she knew how wrong that was. Even with her job at the small, Hartford paper, and her recent adventure into casual dating, she still felt like a giant part of her was missing. And that part had disheveled blonde her and an amazing smirk...
She wondered what he was doing now...
Logan sat in the back of his hired car, his head pounding from the endless string of meetings he'd just attended. It was times like these, in the minutes following those dull, incredibly long meetings, that he let his thoughts wander to her. Rory. The one person that made his first year in London almost bearable, because even if she was thousands of miles away, hearing her voice could make his whole day better.
He thought about calling her several times in the past two months, but everytime his fingers searched for her name in his caller id, he had to stop short. Hearing her speak was too painful, remembering always hurt too much. It was better not to talk at her at all, and remember them the way they used to be.
It was easy to believe that he had moved on. He had his job, of course, and he had reverted back to his old dating ways. But even with his new friends and his busy career, he felt like something very important was missing. And that something important had amazing blue eyes and a fantastic sense of humor.
He wondered what she was doing now...