The Only Good Thing About You
Notes: The characters are not mine
and the story is. I was musing over monologues in my head and part of
Vodka's came to me. Then gradually, other pieces fell into place, and
after watching the Talespin episode Polly Wants a Treasure,
I finally knew how I wanted to write this. And this is Gin/Sherry,
just to warn those who don't like or are disturbed by the pairing. I'm still not entirely satisfied with this, but I can't think of anything else to put.
She hates and fears Gin. He has fallen into the darkness, his soul becoming lost and twisted, and he killed her sister. He is possessive and controlling, though he has not always been that way. She has run from him for so long, and yet, it almost seems as if she never managed to leave him behind. He is always there, lurking in the shadows, chuckling in his dark way and whispering her name.
And yet she can also never forget the feel of his strong fingers running through her hair, or the way he was her shelter in the figurative storms. He protected her, comforted her, and she believed he had loved her. They spent most of their short lives together. She grew up with him, though he is eight years her senior, and he was always there. It has only been in the last year or so that she has not been with him. She hates him for his betrayal.
Still, sometimes, when she is alone and cannot sleep, she cannot deny that she still misses him. She does not want to; she tries to push those feelings away. She cannot miss him; she loathes and despises him, and she is deathly afraid of him. But she cannot continue denying the truth to herself, at least. She draws her knees up to her chest, her bluish-green eyes glistening. She still loves him, in spite of everything. And she hates herself for that.
He respects and fears Gin. Gin is the leader, sharp and intelligent. He knows best how the assignments are to be executed, and his cold personality ensures that things will be completed with precision. He is not above pulling a gun on his partner if he is unhappy with something the other has done. But he has never tried to harm or kill the shorter man, and in spite of any lingering fears, his partner recognizes this. He is only being made to be frightened; nothing more.
The higher-ranked assassin is the only person whom his partner really likes to be around. They have worked together for years, and have formed a definite rapport. Even when not on assignments, they are usually together. They are used to each other, and neither is a people person, for various reasons. They do not judge each other, but instead simply accept, and that is something that the shy and quiet man has rarely experienced from anyone else.
It is against their training to care about anyone. That is considered too dangerous, in case of a betrayal, and also, it can make the agents at least somewhat compassionate, which can make them unable to do their jobs correctly. They are taught to be unquestioningly loyal to the other members of their syndicate, but not to develop personal ties with any of them. But the operatives are still human. There will always be flaws in their training, and this particular agent knows that he has already gone against the rules. He cares deeply about his partner, though not in a romantic way.
They do not like each other.
She finds him curt and impossible to talk to, and sometimes careless. She wonders how the man she both loves and hates can stand to work with him. He barely has said two words to her when they have talked, and he always tries to get away as soon as he can. She knows he is shy, but it seems to her that it is more than that. She is certain that he does not like her, though she does not care. She still remembers how firmly he pushed her ahead of him when she was about to be punished for her traitorous actions.
She asked the green-eyed man once why he put up with his ridiculous partner. She was told not to underestimate him and that he is not an idiot; if he was useless to the syndicate, they would have killed him long ago. Then she asked him if he liked the other; and he shrugged. "He's better than what I had expected at first," he replied. "He's a good partner." Then he asked her what she thought. Not being one to evade a question, she honestly said that she does not like him. He chuckled and told her she would have to get used to him, that he would always be around. And the way he said it told her that he did not mind at all.
He is certain that, one way or another, she will be his aniki's downfall. His partner is obsessed with catching her, claiming that he wants to kill her for being a traitor. And it is not that he doubts the truth of those statements. It is that he knows the blonde still loves her. Even if he succeeds in his task, he may not truly feel satisfied. He may always feel that there is a large void in his life. Or else, he may die as well as she. And the quiet man does not want to see that happen. He wants his aniki to live.
He remembers being asked once by his partner, what he thought of her. He hesitated before answering. "She has a brilliant mind," he said then. "She's talented and she's not afraid to say what she thinks. . . . She's not some timid little girl. I can see why you love her, bro. . . ." But he did not know how to say what else he felt. He still does not know how to say that he worries about the blonde and what the relationship may do to him in the end.
And if there is any chance that the two of them could possibly be reunited, which he does not find likely, he is certain that he would be left alone then, as well. He would be a third wheel, unwanted by her and forgotten about by him. Some part of him secretly hopes sometimes that it will not happen, and then he regrets it. If his partner would have any chance at happiness, he would want him to have it. Even if that means that once again he himself will be an outcast.
She knows that if there ever is the chance of being reunited with the blonde, they would have to run away together. He could not carry on a relationship with her without his superiors learning of it. Since she is a traitor, such a relationship would be completely forbidden, not to mention it would definitely result in his death, if his superiors discovered it.
And he would want to take his partner with them, if they ran away. She does know that the heavyset man would not reveal their secrets, but that he might be tortured for information. The man she loves would not want that, for several reasons. And so his partner would come along.
She would have to get used to him. She tried in the past, and the two came to a suitable agreement for a truce. They would have to do the same in the future. She doubts that she will ever like him, but she is willing to live with him again if that is the only way to be around the other.
But it will never happen anyway. He will never turn traitor to the syndicate. He despises traitors, and will not become one himself. She is foolish for even fantasizing about it. She tells herself that she should not even want to still be with him. Often she fully believes it. But at times such as this lonely night, she has to acknowledge the exact opposite.
He recalls something his partner idly said a year or more ago, when he was still with her. "It doesn't make you uncomfortable, to live with us, does it?" The blonde lit a cigarette casually, watching the other through veiled eyes.
He was caught off guard by the sudden question. "No," he said slowly, after thinking over his response. And he realized it was true. They all managed to live there peaceably in the home that his partner and the girl grew up in, and he never had the sense that he was unwanted by the green-eyed man. The girl, too, came to tolerate him, at least, and he her. It was their unspoken agreement.
He wonders if that would happen again and he possibly would not be left alone. He likes to think that. Though realistically he thinks it more likely that the former lovers will kill each other and he will be left alone that way. He does not want them to come to such a pointless end. And he sighs, glancing to where the blonde has fallen asleep in the car.
"You miss her, don't you, bro?" he says quietly. He knows the other would never admit it, or that at least if he did, he would never acknowledge that he still loves her. But his partner still knows it is true.
Neither she or he misses the other. For each, the only genuine reason why they have been willing to deal with each other in the past, and the only reason they care about each other at all, is because of the man whom they both care about greatly. And if the situation ever arises again, no matter how unlikely it is, they will still be willing to do the same.