The Waters Of Lethe

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA, I just like to play around in it's world and torture Ed for awhile.

Summary: Post series, may contain series spoilers. This is my attempt at writing a drabble series about Edward's life in our world. Will contain violence, sex, blood, poor German, and even worse Japanese. Some of the events of the movie will be touched upon, but they will happen differently.

Beta: Insane Fangirl!

Chapter One: I Don't Recall (Ich rufe nicht zuruck)

Munich, Germany, 1927

Edward Elric had been in the machine world for so long, he had largely forgotten his life in the alchemic one. After each long day of working as a teacher's assistant in his father's chemistry and physics classes at the university, Edward would sit quietly on the sofa and sift through his memories. His mind would bring up everyone he knew on the other side of the Gate, their faces, the color of their hair and eyes, their particular quirks, and the sounds of their voices.

And everyday he forgot more and more. The memories were gradually fading and on a cold, bleak day in early December, Edward realized he was having great diffuculty recalling the sound of Alphonse's voice. The shape and color of his little brother's eyes were all he had left of Al, and the knowledge greatly distressed him. Edward bit the inside of his cheek to keep his lips from trembling and the tears from rising to his eyes - again.

Edward was so engrossed in his ruminations, he didn't hear Hohenheim calling him for dinner until a pair of large hands clapped down upon his narrow shoulders. A lined and reddened face, much like that of an old lion hovered mere inches from Edward's own smooth and pale one while narrow and cataract filmed golden eyes bored into his wider orbs of the same color. Hohenheim tightened his grip and waited a moment to see if physical pressure would bring Edward back from his daydream world.

It didn't, so he gently shook the young man and finally spoke firmly to him "Edward!"

The younger Elric came back to reality with a jerk, he gasped and his golden gaze widened even more as he looked at his father in shock. Hohenheim frowned at the reaction; his son had undergone surgery four months ago and while he had bounced back physically - there was something - his vital 'spark', Hohenheim thought - still missing.

He thought he knew what it was. Edward had reached the fianl stage - acceptance. After denial, anger, and several years of research and struggle he had finally been forced to accept the inevitable fact.

Without alchemy, opening a portal home was impossible. He would never see Al again.

The day Edward realized this, it hit him like a hard blow to the face and he curled up in his bed at the hospital and cried storms of bitter tears like his heart had been broken. And in a sense it had. Now as his stared at his father on that evening, Edward had an epiphany:

Memories hurt too much - I don't want to remember.