Words I Couldn't Say
A/N: Based on "Hooked Up". Man, there was a lot of UST in that episode. Hope you like this very short one-shot. Don't forget to review.
God, she was so stupid.
The situation ran through her head over and over again, like those old things with the big black, plastic discs—what were they called? Record players?—and with each revolution she cursed herself again. She was so ready to be involved in his life, so ready to be a part of "The Team", so ready to throw her life away for a new one filled with loneliness, pain, scars, and tears, that she'd rushed into it and nearly killed them both. Spellbinder. Donnie Grosso. The VR.
Max buried her head in the pillow and exhaled, hoping that her body would shut down and she wouldn't have to breathe any more because each breath was deep and painful, her lungs burning as if her insides were on fire. Why didn't she just say it? Those few words that would have saved her all this pain.
"You don't know how good it feels, Terry…"
You touched me. You kissed me. You held me in your arms and I almost cried because it felt so damn good.
"Everybody wants you in there."
Like you. You weren't thinking about Dana or that girl from the Royal Flush Gang. You wanted me. Me.
"And the second you're back out here, your whole body hurts for more."
It hurts when I look at you. Beneath that cowl, I can see those pale eyes that can be as warm as the sky in Miami or as cold as the winter skies in Chicago; I can see those full lips that are taunting me sometimes when you lean over my shoulder in class and ask me how to solve something. It was like a dream, that VR. We were touching, sharing, making love a thousand times over and you said it. You said that you loved me.
"I just wanna get back inside."
I want to throw away this glassy world of lies and pain and wrap myself in that fantasy. It seemed more real than this place. It had to be real. You said you loved me when I was in there. Isn't that real enough? Can't I just pretend that you love me? Is that so wrong?
Her cell phone rang and she didn't dare answer it. It would be him and she would fall apart inside his voice, inside his eyes, inside him. She would close her eyes and pretend that she were wearing him like a jacket, be in his skin and laugh at the world because he would take away everything, sweep her up and drown her at the same time. She couldn't do it. Not again. No more.
Her arm betrayed her and her voice struggled out of her throat as if rubbed against sandpaper.
"Hey, Max. You want me to bring some Krispy Kreme?"
God, she was so stupid.