Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Wrote this in Chemistry...sort of sucks, actually...but what the hell, I might end up taking it down and redoing it. Sasuke is still after his brother (who'd have thought?) and Sakura tries to stop him but someone is after her to take her out, so Sasuke can keep moving toward his goal.
A violent oneshot/songfic. Read and review it...if you look at it you might as well review it okay? God.
Lyrics: "Here (In Your Arms)" by HelloGoodbye.
The shimmering surface
Peace is not coming
No silhouette dove.
Stop fooling myself:
Life is never fair,
No time left.
Nor hope or air.
No reason to struggle,
No gain from a fight.
'Cause this little girl
Is dyin' tonight.
You hate me...
And that's okay.
Eager for the fray.
So I ask you this now
Before you take flight:
May I please die
In your arms tonight?
I want that light...
Maybe if I reach it...maybe if I stretch...I will be somewhere better than here...as broken as I, as desolate and pathetic and sorry as I...any in my place would wholeheartedly agree. Reaching...reaching toward whatever the shining orb represents, and if that is to be death, then I will go along with it. Being anywhere but here, among the long gone...the utter blankness that is and has been my world for the time. All I'm feeling is numbness within every fiber in my being, ice running through my veins and slicing through the thin tissue that is flesh as it travels onward; eyelids unfeeling and I cannot tell whether they are open or closed...for all I know the light may be in my head...swirling dark shapes that while instilling fear are unrecognizable and remind me of painful memories I want back, yet want gone.
Fuck...I am alive.
Withered and frozen, I feel my hand break the surface first, grasping at empty air and to any on the shore would have seemed frightening and I certainly would have thought some strange things, but I have no time to think; I am still floating up, secretly yearning for yet telling myself to struggle, to go down, back to the darkness that I deserve to be in. It's safer that way...
Relief: Air is my glorious savior and my worst enemy; I gulp it down because my body tells me too, not because my mind wants to and it only causes me pain like a ruthless slap in the face. Penetrating the many deep cuts and all the wounds I have received and endured for simply being there, a young female that lacks the talent to make it, to live by this violent ninja way. I am easy prey...they all told me so. Especially him. So cold am I that I cannot feel the water running down in bloody, dirty droplets on my pallid face that I would rather die than see ever again. Eyes closed in pain and regret I attempt to swim the best I can with an arm wrenched out of it's socket and a few broken ribs floating within my bodily fluids, and I vaguely wonder how I am still conscious.
Pain: Like an absurd, deformed animal I drag my worthless self out of the water and onto the shore with my good arm (which is really my bad arm, being less dominant) and am forced to wiggle embarrassingly as if an inchworm on my side to keep the weight off my ribs.
"You're fucking easy prey...don't be surprised if you're dead by the end of tonight...I can't believe they let you out...
Fine. He was absolutely positively right. I was easy prey that was even easier to catch now–
Shut the hell up, I told myself, wishing I could pinch myself or do something to get me moving...mind and body were wrenched apart and thrown upon the ground like separated twins, while my broken body cried for help and my mind was the only clear voice I possessed. Maybe if I put myself in more pain I would pass out and shut up before he came back and hurt me all over again...maybe...then he would find me and I could die peacefully. Sharp teeth fiercely bit my bottom lip to keep my whimpers at bay as I shifted to find the most painful spot for my shoulder to fall on, keeping in mind the broken ribs...hopefully some animal would find me and they would come and shoo it away...
So much for that idea; if my mind were a figure all it's own it would be bitchslapping my face for eternity for it's stupidity.
Here in your arms...
Here in your arms...
Why must I be so loud? I knew it was hopeless the first time he had touched me...rough, filthy eager hands over my loud mouth that had been cursing him to burn in a fiery hell, powerful arms that were anything but protective wrapped around my waist and the slightly curvy hips that I had spent many a day in front of my mirror waiting for. A late bloomer...that was me in a nutshell, late in every way. Late, naive, and too damn headstrong for my own good, so I was reminded after they had gotten me away from his eager hands the first time. The feeling that he gave me was nothing short of pure revulsion, skin crawling, body shaking, reacting on instinct alone. I was nothing but an obstacle...a pawn, an insignificant pebble in a shallow lake that caused only pain when stepped on and spent most of the time being kicked along.
He told me I could not come, but I would not listen. My Sensei warned me many times, and he thought perhaps since I was usually the voice of reason within the team, I may have reconsidered. I did not. Naruto warned me too, saying that he would take my place but I ignored his protective intentions and waved his worries away...my own mother cried before I left, saying that I would surely die, die of a broken heart and a crushed soul beneath the foot of the man that I seek to bring back home. But I did not find him and too late I am realizing that there are those out there, stalking and biding their time to take me out.
That stranger was near...the one who had put his hands on me before and would surely do it again. Ordered, no doubt, to simply dispose of me in the fashion that he wished, but apparently he could not keep his mind clean, oh no, not with the little extra caress he put into every stab, the way he said my name...my name to the killer was 'Girl'. Typical of an experienced, dark ninja, he took pleasure in toying with me in more ways than one and at first I resisted...now I did not care. He was the first person of the opposite sex to touch me in that way, the first to even get that close, and it was a complete stranger that was only doing this because he had been ordered to kill me by another man who was after my man. So why the hell was I roped in?
Because I was not going to let him go.
While caked with congealing crimson I stiffened; the tiny responsive peach fuzz that grew on the back of my neck were straight now, telling me he was coming after again. I was not sure why he let me run the first time, with me in such a terrible condition. I remember going through the brambles, under logs, and eventually tumbling off that dizzying precipice above the waterfall that had carried me down here.
I could distinctly hear him chuckle as the breeze seemed to die oh-so strangely and time was slowing down quickly all around...
It stopped. Unnaturally. There was absolutely nothing...I stiffened, he stiffened in his invisible hiding place, and I cleared my throat of mucus and blood before whispering harshly:
"Come and get me."
Boy, did he.
It was immediate: I erupted in a burst of pain that penetrated every fiber of me, every bone every tissue, down to the microscopic tip of my fingernails and hair ends–
"JESUS...JUST KILL ME PLEASE!"
I am so pathetic I cannot believe I am screaming like that...like he was going to listen. He would have his filthy way with me and then kill me. It is nothing new, he has probably done it many many times, but if my teammate had known...would he have done differently? If he found me being touched this way, hurt this way, violated this way, would he care?
Would he even care?
When the dizziness subsided and I could think (fairly) straight, I was against a rough surface yet again...this stranger had a strange affinity to shoving defenseless women around; I was pushed against a tree, his heavy hot breath in my face, lips against my neck and I was so weak I could not support my own weight; the only reason I was up at all was the fact that he was pressed against me, a man–no, a boy–not too much older than me, maybe 18, already brought into the vicious lifestyle that was a stalker, working for a man that he would eventually turn on. I was right...they had been taught to play with their prey like an emotionless animal, and this young man with glittering eyes was far from reason. Let him have his way...I did not care, and at least I could say that I got a kiss before I died...it sounds more romantic, and I will not be in the way anymore.
I am still mostly numb, but my body jerks in response to his hand making it's way up my shirt and searching whatever he wants to wrap his bloody fingers around.
"Why did you come out here...Uchiha will never abandon his life's dream for you," the stranger tells me, the words I have heard a million times from the former's mouth, the words I simply ignored.
"Your job is to kill...not to play...get it over with," I hissed, wrapping my fingers (I think) around his wrist and tugging vainly, a defenseless little girl against the playground bully. But no, he continues to toy with me, fingers that hold no life and have not for years splayed across my growing chest and thoroughly enjoying themselves with my...Christ, stop it! Again, my mind is working but my body worthless weight; I cry out in pain, back arching in repulsive response and my killer seems to chuckle.
"He never said how I had to kill you...as long as it was done. And the man you're chasing has no idea where you are...even if he searches you will be long disposed of."As if it was amusing he squeezes my breast, still treating me like an object and ignoring my babbling that now flows out of my mouth...my panicked side is telling him to kill me, to stop, to kill me now.
"How did Orochimaru know?" I ask, my heart pounding faster and wildly now. "He thought it was amusing, didn't he? He knows that we-"
"He knows," the man interjects, his hands still exploring beneath my shirt, his heavy breathing against my neck and now his arousal pressed against my thigh and I inwardly shudder despite the numbness...so much for dying before he got too far."He's going to be intrigued by Uchiha's reaction. If he ever finds out."
"When we met you earlier...he knew...he saw you...he knows what's going to happen...whether he will care or not is the question, and I could care less, since I've tried. Now please...I just want to go without suffering...I might as well go out somewhat pure," Sakura choked, still vainly straining.
I pay dearly for opening my mouth with a slap that sends my head reeling and stars popping like a pretty light show in front of my eyes, like a pasted picture, and bile rises to the back of my throat but I think I am so frightened it subsides, because I swallow the burning mess and he shoves me harder, now shifting a few of my already broken ribs in the process. In spite of my pain I laugh...it's all I have left.
"Heh...abusive as well as sexually inactive?" I goad, letting my head fall back on the tree trunk and licking lips of the blood and spit. "No wonder you like murdering pretty girls. A cold lonely life underground with the most powerful homosexual must leave your hands–"
I am so crude, but I cannot help it and I my insult is left hanging, interrupted by a disjointed gasp and scream because he seems to know my ribs are broken...stars erupt again like a dream and my imagination concocts a cartoon-like depiction of what my insides must look like now.What a mess...yet there's no one to impress.
Here in your arms...
Here in your arms...
Now I am a punching bag, receiving this man's inner toils and regrets in the form of earsplitting heart stopping pain that is all put on me. How am I still conscious? I wish I knew.I am still standing, amazingly, but my knees are locked and on the brink of giving and then I will be held only by my neck that is dwarfed by his powerful hand that is so eager, so tempted to squeeze just a bit tighter. I want him to do it. I can die now.
"Bitch...following him was a deadly mistake..."
I open my eyes the best I can, letting my hands fall limply to my sides, I jerk and shudder as my knees give away, and I only have enough breath to say:
"Have fun...toying with a corpse...you sick fuck."
I was probably unconscious before I hit the ground. I sure hope it's the last time I wake up.
Where we are
When we drive
In your car.
Where we are...
Sadly, I feel reality returning again and I do not mind now, I am screaming and writhing and cursing and whatever else I have to do to make this clear–
"I wanna diie...I can't take this pain anymore and I don't wanna wake up ever again and I want the light baaack...I hurt so bad..."
I scold myself for sounding like a child, but then I hear a strange sound; squelching and muttering and panicked, hyperventilating cries that made me pity the person enduring them...a bit of struggling and my eyes can open, if just barely...they feel like lead and I just want to know what's going on so I can close them again–
He did care.
He did come.
He is here.
It takes me a full minute to let the scene unfold and absorb...he is there in all his fiery majestic power, the moonlight casting upon him an eerie crimson glow, for the normally white orb is somehow bloody too, he is standing...no...sort of. His sandaled foot rests, tensed, at the base of the hired man's skull, the man that is now facedown on the forest floor, looking as bloody and broken as I. Eyes black as the abyss are full of passionate hatred and hold no remorse as they never have, his breathing heavy and hair on end, wild like an extremely enraged animal that is now hovering on the brink between insanity and ready to kill. He would do it, too, which is why I gasp and he finally sees me, but only glances so I cannot distract him yet again.
"One moment, Sakura," he whispers, the ghost of a smirk gracing his handsome features. I watch the muscles in his calf tense and I just let my heavy eyelids fall, because the sound of that man's neck snapping, reverberating throughout the desolate clearing was enough to scar me.
Snap, squelch, chuckle, and just like that it's done, but it replays over and over. Snap of the neck, squelch of his blood, the chuckle from the killer. Done just like that.
But now he is horrified: he steps away slowly, moving in a dream that he did not know was true and instead directed his attention to me, my broken bloody worthless self. And he was shocked by how I looked in all honesty, the truest expression he had shown me in a while, a very long while. From the way I held my torso to my twisted shoulder to the surface of my pitted face, the clothes that were ripped and hanging off me and I must have looked grotesque. Now he cares.
"Guess what?" I ask quietly, sucking a bit of blood off my bottom lip.
"My god..." he says, ignoring my words, as always.
"I got my first kiss," I continue, laughing derisively and licking my lips again.
'Cause our lips
And our cheeks
"You're delirious," he mutters, slowly walking over and kneeling next to me, his hand reaching out as if he would touch me and I want it so badly, but then his eyes fall on my neck and widen. His breathing speeds up a bit as he continues to look at me, and I know he cannot even look at me without realizing how that man touched me, how he violated me, how he treated me like an object...and to them, that was all I was.
"Guess what else?"
"I have to take you back...you're getting what you wanted. Happy?" he spat, again ignoring what I said. "You'll die if I don't."
"Don't you take me anywhere," I snapped, coughing. "That is the point."
A silence falls so abruptly like the clattering of a coin on the floor in a silent classroom.
"Don't be stupid...you're going to be fine–"
"Don't lie to me...I am not fine I will never be fine and I do not care. I am not making it until morning. This is okay, because then you can continue like I was never part of your life. No one will blame you for my death."
"Shut up," he interjected roughly and tried to be the man, slipping his strong arms under me and trying to cradle me like he so wanted to, and hopefully he could make it up to me.
But his touch was nothing but the million sharpest needles, piercing and tearing apart and I writhed and twisted; his gaze was horrified as he roughly let me fall back to the dirt, staring at his hands as though he were a twisted monster with a killing touch. When it was me who was almost gone but too late.
"It's no use...please understand that...please lay by me...and tell me how your day went. I want to leave peacefully like I simply slipped asleep..."
"But," he begins, he his mouth continuing to form words but no sound issuing out. Awkwardly, he swallows and complies, lying flat on his back next to me; I can hear his disjointed breathing and he can feel the blood seeping into a puddle as he places his head near mine...the last view I will ever see.
Well you are the one, the one that lies close to me
Whispers 'hello', I miss you quite terribly
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly now
There's no place else I could be
But here in your arms.
He describes his journey from here; he will pick up the trail where Orochimaru was last sighted and continue on to find him. Hopefully he would find him soon and then make the man crack so he can discover where his brother currently hides. I wish him luck and he gives me a pained look, struggling not to speak what he wants to or simply pick me up against my wishes and whisk me away to be healed. After a while we fall silent and he toys with a lock of my pink hair...I wish I could feel it...I am so numb now...
"Why did you come out here tonight, to follow me?" he asked abruptly. I listen to the breeze ruffle his locks and mine and I shift a little bit, just enough to put my cheek against his chest.
"Because I love you." I say it nonchalantly, because I know the more important questions are coming.
"Why do you love me?" he asked, predictably, and I have the answer ready; the answer that I do not have.
"I do not know. You have stolen my heart since I was twelve...you have pushed me away again and again and still I would give up anything to have the feelings from you that I would throw myself off a cliff to give. Well...at least you know it was not a lie," I finish, laughing a bit, eventually turning into racking coughs and blood leaks from the corner of my mouth.
"May I ask you a question?" I ask, my voice seeming so quiet.
"You just did," he replied, his cheek against mine, his arm gently reaching around to cradle my head.
"No matter how much pain I am in...please carry me...I want to see the moon one last time..."
Where you sleep.
When you sleep
Next to me.
Where you sleep...
He complies. I love him for this. I am almost done, I am almost gone, I will only be in your way a bit longer. He sits there, his arms around me as gently as he knows how, holding my head up so I can focus on the moon one last time...it's so beautiful and I hope that I can still see it from wherever I go. His cheek is touching mine again.
Cause our lips
And our cheeks
Our lips can touch...
The moon is full...my body is pushed to the limit...my breathing is shallow now, my conscious a daze now, but there is one clear thought in my mind as I nudge him slightly and ask, "May I ask just one more favor...before I go?"
He closes his eyes and swallows again, as though he contemplates trying to save me. But he knows better. I will be out of his way.
You are the one the one that lies close to me
Whisper's hello I miss you quite terribly
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly now
There's no place else I could be but
here in your arms.
Silhouettes framed by the dazzling moonlight I put my lips to his, just enough to brush them and ask:
"May I die...in your arms tonight?"
Silence to the absolute is existence, yet again. This last time he will comply. A chaste kiss on the lips and a tightened hold and he is ready to catch me as I slump and fall forever in a downward spiral of nothing...wherever I end up going.
He holds the back of my head like a newborn baby and puts his forehead to mine:
For the last time, he grants my last favor. Last breath drawn with no questions asked and no tears shed. I welcome the blackness with open arms and wait for white light to take me.
Here in your arms...
Here in your arms...