To live and love…

Chapter 1—Walking with a Ghost

I was walking with a ghost,

I said please, please don't insist.

"She is in my dreams still, not in a romantic way but telling me how to live, giving me advice." I say as she looks at me, I can tell that she is trying to figure out who I am talking about, but she should know she once had those dreams. She loved her just as much if not more, knew her better. It suddenly clicks who I mean, and I see the tears in her eyes as the memories flood back into her head.

"What does she say to you?" Her voice cracks as she tries to hold back tears.

"Not to let you hide, to love you and treat you better than I did her" She laid her head on my lap allowing me to play with her hair.

"Lilly always was a smart one" She looked up at me with a smile. God how I had missed this…I missed us. She and I had been closer than Lilly and I were, even before my father killed Lilly. I guess that's why I was so upset when she told Lilly about the kiss with some skank at the party. I knew I shouldn't but I was drunk and Lilly had been so distant at that point. None of that even matters now, because I'm not going to screw up with her, I love her too damn much to do anything like that to her.

We sat in silence for the next hour or so, and after a while I feel her breathing slow. She is asleep. I slowly lift her head so I can stand up and lay it onto her couch. Putting my arms under her neck and knees I carry her to her room. Laying her on her bed I kiss her forehead and whisper into her ear "I love you, Veronica Mars, more than you could ever know."

It's so hard being with Logan sometimes, I still have this overwhelming guilt of being with him. I know that Lilly never loved him in the way he needed her to, but in a way it feels like I'm betraying her. So when he told me he loved me tonight, I pretended to sleep. I didn't know what to feel, so I just kept my eye's closed, letting him walk out, not telling him that I loved him to.

Laying on my bed my eyes are getting heavy, but my heart is so conflicted that I doubt I'll ever sleep. I just lie here thinking about my past, about the incredible four, about everything.

"I think he like's you" Lilly says with her priceless smirk on her face. I can tell that she isn't going to drop the subject anytime soon so I give into her game and continue the conversation.

"Who?" I ask, acting like I don't know who he's talking about.

"Logan Echolls" She says in her most girly tone.

"Come on, what would an 09er ever see in me?" I ask a bit more serious than before, yeah he's cute but I'm not going to be arm candy for him like the rest of the bimbos he dates.

"V, don't be so hard on yourself, just because you have parents that give a rats ass doesn't mean you don't fit in. You're an 09er at heart, well, minus the spoiled princess concept." She says, while pulling my hair up and throwing handing me a shot from the bar outside the pool.

"He was so looking at you Lil." I say as I down the shot of some imported vodka that I can't pronounce the name of.

"Please I've known him since we were in diapers." She pours me another shot, which I gladly take. "He's practically like another Duncan."

"So now your triplets?" I say while raising an eyebrow. "I can't even imagine your mom pushing you two out in the same decade, let alone a third" She laughs as I say this and as we take our final shots we head into the pool.

My alarm wakes me and I wish I could go back to those days, the days when my best friend was alive, not that I don't love Wallace but my life was simple back then. My family was together, I had three amazing best friends and a life any girl would ask for. I guess things don't always end up the way you want them to though. It took me a while to figure that out but, I have also decided that without the struggles I would have let my life become that of an 09er…pointless beyond existence.

Later at school…

I grab my bag out of my car, hoping to make it to at least homeroom without somebody needing my help. When I look up I realize that's not going to happen though, because I see weevil leaning against the wall waiting for me.

"Where's pretty boy?" He asks as if my boyfriend goes by that name on a regular basis.

"What do you want Weevil?" I ask slightly annoyed by the comment, and definitely annoyed by the fact that by the end of the day I will have had about ten people ask for my help. "And, his name is Logan by the way, please use it, or refrain from mentioning him."

Taken aback by what I have said he takes a minute to collect himself and put his words in an order that I will respond to. "I actually need pr…umm…I mean Logan's help.