Title: Home Is Where You Are.
Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Type: Romance, Drama,
Main Pairings: Brian / Justin, - Characters: Brian Kinney, Justin Taylor, Michael, Ben, Cynthia
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: AU, a little OOC, Reference to Death … what if season 2 – episode 217-218
Disclaimer: All QaF characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. No profit is being made, no copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: Sometimes you need to caress death, to know that home is a safe word.
Based on the Lyrics : Diana Krall – Love is Where You Are

He came back from Vermont, to an empty loft. During the ride home, he thought that maybe Brian would be there. But no, no trace of him. His suitcase was still missing and the answering machine, curiously, was empty, no messages, the mail was on the bar and the loft was clean and in order.

Justin wondered what could keep Brian away so long. He had been gone a fucking week and he didn't even get a call, or a message, nothing. He was trying to figure out why Brian wasn't at home.

He put the dirty clothes in the hamper and headed into the kitchen, retrieving the mail. Bills, some advertising, nothing new, except a big brown craft envelope with Justin's name on it, he put it away. Someone was knocking on the door.

Opening the door, he was face to face with three men, two cops and a civilian. It was the same detective from the 'Dumpster Boy' case. They asked him if they can come in. He let them in. Anxious to hear what they wanted.

The detective asked him if he was Brian Kinney's life partner. He told them yes. The detective continued asking him if he knew where Brian had gone. Justin said, "Yes, to Chicago." Then the detective asked Justin if he had read the newspapers yesterday and/or today. Justin answered, "Yes." The detective continued asking him if he had heard anything about a plane crash. Justin had heard the news about the crash.

Justin went blank, shaking his head and murmuring, "No, no, no" realizing too late that the cops where there to gave him bad news. Seeing that Justin understood the situation, one of the cops told him he was sorry. They asked if there was anyone they could call. Justin just shook his head. And then they were gone. Leaving the young boy in the middle of the loft trying to understand what had just happened.

The clanging of the closed door pulled Justin out of his daze. There must be a mistake - a big mistake. He reached the phone and called Debbie. But he got no answer. He called Michael, same thing. Finally, he called Brian's office and asked for Cynthia.

When she heard who was on the phone, she immediately told him to wait, that she was coming to the loft. She didn't say anything else. Twenty minutes later, she was at the loft with a box labeled 'Kinney Personal'.

She stepped in and put the box on the floor. Reaching Justin, she told him she was sorry Brian didn't make it. He was on the plane, which crashed yesterday. The news said no one survived.

Justin's world crumbled in one second, and he fell to the floor trying to catch his breath.

Seeing Justin's desperate state, Cynthia concluded that no one had told him. Fucking friends! Where were they? She didn't have time for this. But at the moment, Justin needed her. She slipped behind him and held him against her chest trying to calm the laborious breathing. After a few minutes, he finally regained some control.

She asked him softly if he was ok. And he nodded unable to speak. She asked him if he had just come home, and he nodded. She told him Brian was going to get fired if he didn't fix some big account for the new boss; he took the plane to Chicago, nailed the account, came back, and returned there two days later to fix some details. He was flying home, when the plane crashed.

She explained to him that they called the office, because no one answered the phone at the loft. Justin told her there were no messages. She didn't understand. They heard a noise and saw that Michael and Ben were there.

Spotting the two people on the floor, Ben immediately understood that Justin knew, and that someone had told him what happened without tact. They stepped in, Michael heading to the kitchen to fix something to eat and Ben lifting Justin to his feet to lead him toward the couch.

Besides sniffling, Justin made no other sound. Cynthia finally told them that she had to return to work, to fix everything before the soon-to-be hired new ad-exec would take Brian's place.

Michael left after he fixed dinner. It was too difficult for him to stay at the loft with Justin. Ben stayed so that someone would be there. Justin was sleeping restlessly on the couch. He woke up several times that night, from nightmares. Ben told him to go and sleep in the bed, but Justin couldn't, it was too difficult to lie there, knowing that Brian would never come back.

When Justin woke up the last time, it was almost 5 a.m. He got up, fixed some coffee, and then grabbed the box Cynthia left on the floor, the letter on the bar and sat down on the rug in the living room. He began to pull out each item from the box. The green ball, which helped Brian concentrate, the framed degrees, the different prizes Brian had won during his career, everything from his office. And under everything else, two silver frames with pictures in them.

In the first frame, was a picture of Brian and Gus, the one Michael had taken the night Gus was born, the same night they had met. There was also a picture of Brian and Justin dancing, Emmett had taken this one at Pride.

In the second frame was the picture taken before the prom where he was wearing his tux; and the picture Daphne had taken at the GLC art show.

Looking closer at the frames, Justin saw that were more than just two pictures in them. He pulled the pictures out and saw that behind each picture was a note of the date and the event in Brian's neat handwriting. He also found one more picture in each frame, under the prom picture, was the picture the school usually took of all the couples, and under the one with Gus, was a picture of Justin and Gus.

Justin smiled. Even if Brian had never told him anything, he had just found proof that Brian had loved him. He decided to put everything back in order and closed the frames again. He left them on the coffee table.

He sighed deeply. It meant so much to know that Brian had loved him.

He took the heavy envelope, opened it, and pulled the papers out. Slowly he saw that it was all the legal papers from the Loft, the insurance, the school, the agency, and the car.

Shocked, Justin tried to figure out how the papers had gotten there. He looked at the signature on the carbon, and saw it was Ben who had signed for him, the day before, probably just before he came home.

Home, what a strange word, he didn't have a home anymore. That's when he saw that all the documents were in his name. Oh God, Brian left him everything, from the jeep to the loft. It must be a mistake. No, wait, there was a note in Brian's handwriting.


If you're reading this, something has happened to me.

I'm sorry. I know, sorry's bullshit, but not this time. I promise I didn't do anything stupid, it was just fate.

You can live in the loft as long as you want - it's your home now. What better way to say 'I love you' to someone?

I couldn't say the words to you because the word Love was always meaningless in my family. I could say them to Michael, because he was my friend. You and Gus are the most important people in the world to me.

So, I think that's all, straight to the point. Later.


Justin's sight went blurry, and he didn't realize that a mug has been placed near him. Lifting his head, he saw that Ben was awake. Justin was grateful for the coffee, he had never felt so cold inside.

Ben sat on the rug near Justin, who handed him the little note. Justin told him how much he loved Brian and that now it was too late to tell him or to hear those words from him. He grabbed the frame with the picture that was taken at the GLC, clutched it against his chest, and began to cry silently. Ben folded his arms around him, and Justin slid to the floor resting his head on the pillow Ben had placed on his lap. Soon Justin cried himself to sleep.

Ben just sat there stroking Justin's hair.

It was late in the morning, near 11 a.m. when he heard the door open. He looked up in a stupor as a very disheveled and exhausted Brian walked in.

As soon as he stepped in the loft, Brian felt something was wrong. He rapidly spotted the two men on the rug, the papers on the coffee table and the frames with the pictures from his office. Instinctively, he knew someone had fucked up and it was bad.

He put his suitcase down, and closed the door. He discarded his jacket, and walked toward both men. Ben hadn't moved, but Brian could see shock and relief on his face. He also saw Justin in Ben's lap, and realized that his face was streaked with dried tears.

Ben extended his hand, and grabbed Brian's. He held his hand tightly. Brian looked at him and sat down near him on the rug.

Ben explained that the office had called saying that the plane had crashed and that everyone thought he had died, that the cops told Justin yesterday afternoon and that he had been pretty out of it since then.

Brian told him that he had missed the plane because he was running late and heard the news on TV. All flights had been cancelled and he had no choice but to take the train to get home as fast as he could. He knew that since the ticket hadn't been cancelled, that everyone would think that he was on the plane. He also said that all communications were down in Chicago because of a bad storm. With the weather in Illinois, the ride home took him more than 10 hours.

Once he heard the explanation, Ben sighed in relief, and hugged Brian tightly, "I'm glad you're safe, I will tell the others and tell them to let you cope with Justin."

Brian smiled tiredly and nodded. Dealing with Justin would be very difficult.

Ben let himself out and Brian closed the door behind him. Checking one more time on Justin, he grabbed his suitcase, left it in the bedroom, and decided to take a shower. Ten minutes later, he was back in the living area in black jeans and a t-shirt. He sat down next to Justin who was still sleeping and stroked his hair. Slowly Justin began to wake up. Lifting his head, he was about to say something when he saw Brian.

He stood up and shook his head in denial, as if Brian wasn't here. It was only when Brian reached toward him and took him in his arms that Justin knew he wasn't dreaming and almost collapsed into Brian's strong arms. That's the moment Brian choose to whisper, "I love you." Justin pushed Brian away and looked in his eyes, like he was searching something important. "I love you," repeated Brian looking straight into Justin's eyes. If Brian would have died it would be now, Justin hugged him so tight, that he thought he might stop breathing. The only thing Brian was able to do, was stroke Justin's back.

Justin pulled slowly away and in a strangled voice said, "Sorry didn't want to …"

Brian smiled slightly and told him, "You have the right to be angry." A silence. "Sorry I couldn't call …"

"Lines where busy?" said Justin moving away from Brian's embrace.

"Yeah, come here." Brian slowly pulled Justin toward him, and held the young man in his arms. "I love you."

"You already said that," stated Justin.

"Yeah, but you don't understand," Brian sighed, "I mean it." There was another silence. "During the ride home I had time to think about a lot of things. I sat near a woman whose husband actually took that plane. She told me that her husband had left just after a fight, that he hadn't kissed her, and that she didn't say anything to him. She felt guilty, because she hadn't told him how much she loved him." Silence, Brian sighed deeply "I should have told you what happened at the office. I should have told you that the new owner is an asshole and that he gave me a week to prove to him I should keep my job. I see Cynthia left you my stuff and that she probably told you that, huh?" Justin nodded. During the conversation he had wrapped himself into Brian's arms, and to his surprise, Brian tightened his embrace. "You also found the pictures I hid in my drawer. Well that's only fair. You know, when I was on that train, I understood that life is too short to be lived the way I did." Silence. "Justin, live with me," he felt Justin tense. "Tell me where you want to live, here, there I don't give a shit, but stay, I think, home is where you are, I don't want you to leave."

After what seemed an eternity, Justin moved from Brian's embrace and faced him, whispering, "I'm staying."

Brian leaned towards him and kissed Justin slowly, deeply. Justin smiled into the kiss. Standing up, he reached for Brian's hand, "Come on," and he led the way to the bedroom. Once there, he pushed Brian onto the bed, helped him slowly undress, and tucked him under the covers. He discarded his own clothes and slipped under the covers near Brian, who opened his arms for him.

Justin wrapped himself around Brian, snuggling closer. "I'm not going anywhere," said Brian.

"They told me you died," answered Justin, trying not to cry.

"I'm right here," said Brian tightening his hold around his lover.

"Yeah. You're home. Ilove you"

"I'm home, and home is where you are."

They drifted to sleep. Tomorrow was another day, where they could fix everything that needed to be fixed, but for the moment, Brian needed to be with this boy, in a way he never suspected. For the first time in his life, he felt safe and loved.

Tomorrow, they would deal with the extended family, with the office, with everyone. Tomorrow.


Lyrics : Diana Krall – Love is Where You Are

I used to walk between the shadows
Lost in the world that move too fast
I was afraid, I'd always be alone
Then I saw your face at last

I found my way even in the dark
Though at times it seem too far
I knew if I'd listened to my heart
I'd find that love is where you are

I close my eyes and see tomorrow
My dreams begin and end with you
I hear you say you'll be there
Always for me there
I must believe it's true

I found my way even in the dark
Though at times it seem too far
I knew if I'd listened to my heart
I'd find that love is where you are

Love is where you are
And anywhere you are
It's where I want to be
No matter what may happen
No matter where I go
Your arms are home to me

I found my way even in the dark
Though at times it seem too far
Somehow I knew even at first sight
That love is anywhere you are
Love is where you are
That love is anywhere you are