Suicide

They thought they knew her. They thought she was the old hyper Rikku, but she wasn't. Not anymore. Why was it so hard to believe that she wasn't her usual happy person? People change, so why couldn't Rikku? They didn't knew the pain she felt, they didn't feel it every day, every hour, every second. She tried to smile, but it was hard. She tried to be happy for her friends, but it was hard, when they got everything she didn't have. Every night she cried, and every night she wanted to feel pain outside, instead of inside. When she took her knife and cut in her bare skin, she felt that pain. That was what helped her, go trough every day. That was what helped her to forget. In her dreams, she saw thing no one could handle to see every night. It was horrible. But Rikku could handle it, because non of it was as bad as Rikkus life. Her friends saw her eyes red of crying in the mornings, but they never said anything. They didn't understand. Did Rikku understand herself? She wasn't sure, but she knew that no one could help her. When people talked to her, she didn't answer. When people touched her, she began to cry. When they looked at her, she ran away. She barely ate, but pushed it all away. At last she was lonely, because she pushed all her friends away. She didn't miss them, she didn't miss to laugh with them, she didn't miss to be with them. She didn't miss anything at all! Rikku never smiled anymore, and she never talked to anyone. She just walked around, looking like a zombie. The friends she had pushed away, tried to talk to her, they tried to get her to laugh. But she never did. She didn't even look at them. Rikku actually never noticed her former friends, when they tried to talk to her. She was in her own world. A world she had made with fantasy. Everything she wanted to happen, happened. It wasn't good things. Dead people everywhere. Dead people who screamed Rikkus name. Soon her former friends gave up. They couldn't come in contact with her, she wouldn't let them. More and more often Rikku could suddenly scream in pain, though no one touched her. She screamed and she cried, sometimes in a long time, others very short. In the end it became to much for Rikku. She locked her into her room, with a glass of sleepy pills. She took a pencil and a paper, and then she wrote.

Dear everybody!

Non of this is yours fault. It is mine. I can't see a point in living anymore, and I can't make myself wake up to another horrible day. I cry every night, and I feel pain. I see your dead faces every night in my dreams, and it's haunting me. I can't take it anymore. I don't know what happened, but I'm not happy. I can't lie to you, my life is terrible. The old me is gone, and she will never come back. She left with all my feelings. First I tried to get her back, but then… I gave up. I gave up, and now I give up living. I might be weak. Think what you want. But please don't hate me for this. This is the best for all of us! And we'll meet again, sometime on the Farplane. You live your life, with happiness and enjoy. Can you do that for me? That is my last wish. I won't say: I'm sorry. Because I'm not. You all got what you wanted, and forgot me. I didn't get anything, and when you finally noticed, it was too late. But that doesn't matter. I'm not angry because of that. I don't feel anything at all. And that make it more easy to say goodbye.

Your alls Rikku.

Rikku took the pills and sank them. She drank some water, and then… lied down on her bed to sleep, and never wake up again.