Warning: AU for all the books, whilst it will follow them in key events. May later contain slash, albeit much, much later.
Based off the Veritaserum Challenge
AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE
PROLOGUE: Two Men and a Baby
James Henry Potter, Auror First Class was currently in a very happy place – himself and his best friend, who had incidentally been his Best Man at his wedding, were utterly and completely intoxicated. This while not being particularly noteworthy, was made far more interesting by the addition of other later elements – being a crying baby - James" son Harry, the possession of Veritaserum, accidental magic, a bar of soap and a rubber duck.
Sirius and James were in the midst of reminiscing about their various exploits as the pranksters known as the Marauders and were currently arguing about whether it would have been better to plant Slytherins in the Dungbomb common room or at the table in the Big Eating Place. Suffice to say, they were pretty out of it.
Until It happened – all of a sudden, there emerged this horrible sound, which had the two fearless Aurors clutching each other in shock. After a few seconds the sound penetrated their alcohol-fogged brains and James was the first to recognise what it was.
"Harry's crying. Where's Lily?"
"Prongs, mate, have you already for…for… can't you 'member? She's round at Frank an' Alice's."
There was a quiet moment as the two men processed this thought.
"I guess that means we have to see what Harry wants…" James spoke the inevitable conclusion aloud and they staggered up the stairs.
Once in Harry's room, the baby soon ceased his wailing as he caught sight of the two men and sobbed quietly, interspersed with hiccoughs. James walked unsteadily to the cot and peered over the railing at his son.
"Hey Bambi, what's got you in a state?" To which Harry screwed up his face and James, anticipating another crying fit, quickly picked up his son. "Shh, there now, Daddy's got you…" he said, before noticing that Harry's nappy appeared unpleasantly full. "Damn. Padfoot we have a problem."
"Problem, what problem? The baby Prongs s'no longer cryin' – job well done, I'd say."
"His nappy needs changing."
"Oh…" one could almost see Sirius' thoughts as they passed across his face. "Well, good luck with that ol' chum, must be off now…you see I just realised I have to… um… water my plants."
James wasn't amused. Okay maybe he was a little bit. "Padfoot, you kill all plants – you don't own any. So be a man and help me with Harry – unless you're afraid…"
"What! Sirius Black is afraid of nothing! I will… damn. Fine, I'll help you. Don't blame me if it goes wrong – I've never changed a nappy in my life… can't we just scourgify the one he has on now?"
"No! Are you insane!" here James paused, "Forget I said that, of course you are. But using magic on children is always a bad idea. There is a reason we wait 'til eleven before sending them off to Hogwarts."
"Oh. You mean we have to do it the Muggle way." The expression of distaste on Sirius" face, clearly told anyone what he thought of that idea.
"Okay…" James girded himself for the task ahead. Then, slowly unpinning the nappy he opened it. There were looks of absolute horror on the faces of the two men. While Harry just gurgled, green eyes observing them.
"I think… we should give Harry a bit of a bath." James managed to speak through his shock. He picked Harry up and tried to wipe off as much of the mess as possible using the dirty nappy. "Here," he said, handing Sirius the dirty one, "you can take care of this."
"Me?" Sirius hoarsely whispered still in shock. "Oh no, Prongs. I'll carry Harry, you take care of the mess."
Anyone watching closely would have noticed the slight spark in James" eyes. "Fine." And with that said, he proceeded to take out his wand and pointing it at the mess said: "Evanesco."
"Wha… oh, I get it – you don't need to not use magic since it's not on Harry anymore. You tricked me James, woe is me – betrayal by one of my oldest and dearest friends… Now I have to carry my rather smelly godson."
James snorted at his friend's antics, "Come on Padfoot, lets get Harry cleaned up and then we'll get back to you admitting that I am the better prankster."
"You are not! But you're right – let's get Bambi all nice an' clean."
The two men proceeded to the bathroom where Sirius sat Harry in the bath.
"We'll just… err… hose him down with the shower?" James asked, somewhat uncertain.
"Seems the best way to do it…" Sirius replied cocking his head and studying the bath and messy boy, who at that moment was frantically reaching for the rubber duck who sat by the taps.
"Paddy, I think we should remove our Auror's robes for this." James said with the air of someone who is desperately trying to pretend he knows what he's doing.
"Agreed." Sirius replied, first taking out various items from his robes. James followed suit with a rather large and pretty bottle being set down on the bath. "James… What exactly is that?" Sirius asked, pointing at the iridescent green bottle.
"Veritaserum." Sirius just stared.
"Why exactly do you have Veritaserum?"
"We were interrogating a number of suspects, Siri. Does it matter?"
"No, I suppose not."
"Well, on with it then."
James reached up and took hold of the showerhead, letting the water run for a moment away from Harry, he checked the temperature. "Come on Bambi, let's get you cleaned up for Daddy." Harry smiled and gurgled in response.
The two men and baby continued to have a great deal of fun, splashing water – in particular the two men in directions which usually coincided with the other adult, and so neither noticed the slow build up of water on the side, where the bar of soap which usually rested there, slid down into the bath, it's passage lubricated by the constant splashing of water. This wouldn't mean much, except a certain bottle happened to be next to said bar of soap.
The bottle fell – being Unbreakable it didn't smash – but instead the viridian flask captivated Harry; the two men didn't notice, being overly involved in their water fight. The two men continued to not notice as Harry grabbed the bottle in chubby baby hands and managed to gum off the top. It was entirely by accident that little Harry took his first sip of the potion; the look of surprise on his face was utterly adorable, but as he decided he liked the taste – his head went back and he drank the lot.
AN: I do not have any kids and I have never changed a nappy, or washed a baby. If I have erred, well damn, here I thought it wasn't too bad – believable in the "Three Men and a Baby" kind of way.