Universe: One Piece
Theme/Topic: Dream Fulfilled
Rating: R? Light R.
Warnings/Spoilers: None I can imagine. Crack and OOC though.
Word Count: 753
Summary: Dreams do come true. Even stupid perverted chef ones.
Dedication: tokkichan- second prize drabble for her second correct answer on my meme quiz! This is probably NOT what you expected given the prompt.
A/N: This is full of WTF if anything ever was. MY APOLOGIES. And I dunno, does it count as a sort-of-crossover? Maybe. LOL
Disclaimer: Not mine, though I wish constantly.
Distribution: Just lemme know.
"Wipe that goddamned smirk off your face."
"Haaai Zoro-chwan!" Sanji promptly wiped it off his face.
Zoro made a face all his own. "Oh my god."
Sanji—oblivious at how very, very disturbing this was-- danced around the galley and presented Zoro with some fruity drinks and big, heart-eyed adoration. "Dinner coming up, my love!"
"Stop it," Zoro growled.
The swordsman looked down at himself and thought that this was just extremely fucking predictable of the bastard. He also wondered if being as scrawny armed as he suddenly found himself being changed the intensity of his punches any (and whether he ought to try it out on the perverted chef on his next pirouette pass beside the table to see). Judging from the way Nami creamed Luffy good and solid on occasion though, he decided being scrawny armed probably had nothing to do with how well anyone landed a punch.
Made this a little bit easier.
Though still… not completely good or easy.
He kind of wished he still you know, had his dick.
The thought pained him a little. He stood. "I'm going to go take a hot bath," he said, even though it was a pain in the ass to wait for the water to warm and then draw it (and he'd already done it like, three goddamned times today).
"But Zoro-chwaaaan, I just made your favorite soup!" heart-eyed Sanji bemoaned, and was practically drooling all over himself looking at Zoro's boobs but trying not to because he was still a gentleman or some other such bullshit.
Zoro supposed he maybe ought to figure out how to wear a bra one of these days. For the occasions when he got cold-water doused and turned into a girl. Because his tits did this weird thing when they were cold and wet and the white shirt—now about six sizes too big-- probably wasn't helping any.
"Goddamned Switch-Switch fruit," he muttered under his breath, and turned to go.
Not that he minded being a girl every once in a while or anything. Wasn't a big deal to him in the grand scheme of things because either way he was still going to be the world's number one swordsman. And since girls could still do the same things guys could, it wasn't a particular matter of concern for him. Besides, on top of all that, girls could also get Sanji to make them their favorite goddamned soup at the fucking drop of the hat, which was a nice bonus.
Though even still, it was a little bit disturbing to look at himself and wonder where the fuck his waist went. Felt inhuman to be around about the same size as Nami (who, as far as he was concerned still wasn't quite human).
But yeah, all in all, the being-a-girl-every-now-and-again part wasn't the part that bothered Zoro so much—just one of the consequences of his accidental ingestion of that damned Devil's Fruit a couple of days ago. He could face the consequences of his actions with no problem.
What did bother him though—just a little bit-- was the fact that that particular Devil's Fruit had been the one, the single one on all Grandline that was capable of making every one of Sanji's goddamned perverted dreams come true. Of all the possibilities, Zoro had to land the fruit that fucking turned him into Sanji's porno sex fantasy.
Because—by the blond idiot's skewed logic-- this definitely (somehow) upped his chances of finally getting to sleep with a girl.
But not by much.
Not by goddamned much.
Not if Zoro could help it anyway.
"What should we name our babies, Zoro-chwan?" Sanji sing-songed in the background as he chopped salad and grilled Zoro's favorite beef skewers on the stove. "How about Angel-chan? Honey-chan? They'd call me Papa-chan and love me so much!"
Zoro grit his teeth. He was going to go take a hot bath right now, get his dick back, and fuck the twirling, drooling idiot right on top of the kitchen table. Maybe even eat his favorite soup right off the grinning bastard's stomach while he begged for more. Follow it up with some nice oily salad dressing and do some extra skewering of his own.
"Zorooo-chwaaaan are you going already! Your soup will get cooooooold!" Sanji called after him. "But it's okaaayyy! I'll warm it with the power of my love for you! I'm bereft until your return, my sweet!"
Zoro missed his dick and walked faster.