Almaseti complained of pairingitis, and while she insisted it wasn't aimed at the Best Enemies universe I have a guilty conscience about it. I'm not sure why I put Felix and Justine together. If there was an idea in my head at the time it has long since vanished. Having mentioned them several times, however, I had to see if there was any way they could make sense. As Rod Serling used to say, "Submitted for your approval…"
Title of work is from the play by Neil Simon about two different individuals sharing space. Titles for these short 'chapters' from the theme song for The Sterile Cuckoo, 1969. A college romance between 'Pookie' (Mary Ann) Adams - played by Liza Minnelli - whose behavior has kept her from having a real romance and Jerry Payne - played by Wendell Burton - as a clueless freshman with his own set of problems.
Note for any continuity freaks: this is set around a month after the end of Domus dulcis domus.
Boilerplate Disclaimer: Disney owns all the various characters from the Kim Possible series. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.
Chapter 1 - Come Saturday morning,
"Are you always this elegant in the morning?" Felix called as Kim, in an old bathrobe, stumbled her way towards the kitchen.
"Coffee… Must have coffee…" the redhead mumbled. She looked into the living room where Felix and Ron were working hard on some new video game. "You two are up early this morning."
"Up early?" Ron asked.
"Dude, I didn't even know it was morning!" The pair laughed as only those who have stared at a television screen for fourteen hours straight can manage.
Kim shook her head sadly and headed for the kitchen. Hopefully Shego had left coffee in the pot before taking the girls to the nursery at the synagogue. Alas, her hopes dashed, Kim found herself staring ruefully at the bottom of an empty pot.
"I'm sorry," Justine apologized, "was that supposed to be yours? I had it with a couple slices of toast for breakfast."
"That's okay, I'll live," Kim sighed, "maybe."
"Can I make a new pot for you?"
"Sure. You know how?"
"Well, Felix had one like this in his dorm room…" Justine blushed. "I mean; it can't be that hard. Do you know where the filters are?"
Kim didn't know either, but they weren't hard to find. "Ron brews a good pot, but it looks like they're both useless this morning."
Justine nodded grimly and located the bag of coffee in the freezer.
"Are you sure you're putting in the right amount of coffee?"
"Not really. This is a learning experience."
Kim stared at the pot as it filled with coffee and Justine put her breakfast things into the dishwasher. "Join me in a cup?" Kim asked. "It would make me suspicious if you wouldn't drink it after making it."
Justine pulled her cup out of the dishwasher and joined Kim.
One sip woke Kim up for the day. She stared at her cup. If she tried to finish that she wouldn't be able to sleep for a week.
"How is it?" Justine asked.
"I'll, uh, let you decide for yourself."
As Justine poured the coffee down the drain she reminded Kim, "I told you it was a learning experience."
They sat across from each other, still stiff even after living under the same roof for almost a month.
"So, how is the job at Middleton Research?"
"It's okay," came the noncommittal answer. "The most exciting part was the… do I call it an attempted robbery?"
I guess it was a real robbery. He got away with the EMP shield, but he had to drop it during his escape and we recovered it."
"Did you catch him?"
"No, he ran into the theatre building at the U. Global Justice searched the building, but there were only students and faculty there. I don't know how the Pink Swash-Buckler managed it. I thought maybe it was Camille Leon - but they told me she's still in custody. And we had the theatre people question one another and they identified everyone. He must have known a secret exit from the building."
Uncomfortable periods of silence continued to punctuate their attempts at conversation, until Bonnie came into the kitchen and Justine took the opportunity to return to her room. Bonnie and Kim chatted as the brunette scraped seeds from a slice of cantaloupe and found a small carton of yogurt. As Bonnie finished her light breakfast Kim asked, "Still okay for me to do my martial arts exercises while you're working on dance?"
"No problem. See you in twenty?"
As Kim passed through to get dressed Felix called goodbye.
"Are you in any shape to drive after all that game playing?"
"I hope so. The hand controls for my car are a little like the video controls. If I'm too tired I may try to outrace the police or think I can crash and restart from save."
"Want to crash here? Oops, the crash part was accident."
"Nah, if I don't go home now Ron will keep me up all day."
"Please, Shego. We need to help them."
"No. Look, Pumpkin, I don't believe in meddling in the love lives of other people. If it's going to work out they don't need our help. If it's not going to work we just prolong the agony and they end up hating us. It's a draw-lose proposition."
"But Monique tried to help us get together."
"Monique supplied moral support and an opportunity or two. We're already doing that with Felix and Justine. Monique didn't meddle and that's what you're asking."
Shego saw it coming. Kim's eyes grew bigger and started to water in pre-tears preparation, a hurt look came over the redhead and her lower lip began to tremble, "Pweeeeeze, we need to help them."
Shego had already taken evasive maneuvers. Her eyes were firmly shut and she had her fingers in her ears, "La, la, la, la, la, I can't hear you! La, la, la, la, la."
Kim reached over and pulled Shego's left hand away from her head, "Fine," the younger woman snarled. "If you won't listen to an appeal to reason and won't listen to an appeal to the emotions: Nuclear Option!"
"It hurts you as much as it hurts me."
"But I am strong because my heart is pure and virtuous."
Shego sighed, "And I am weak and venal. Okay, I assume you want me to try and talk with Justine."
"Well, I bombed this morning. Maybe you can do better."
"When do you want me to give her the talk?"
"Can you do it before tonight, wink, wink?"
Shego grinned at her, "You little liar, you couldn't have survived the Nuclear Option!"
Kim grinned back. "I could have if I had to. It's your reward for being good and virtuous."
Author's Note: DDD chapter 7 reveals the secret of the Pink Swash-Buckler's 'escape.'
Camille Leon should appear in season 4 of Kim Possible.