A/N: And now for the pimping: Challenge by Jakia on zukogetslaid on livejournal. Halarious. Go look!

My roommate totally got the Avatar season one DVD set for her birthday. We've been watching it non-stop! Woot!

Silly fic, Zutara, Not cannon and abuses any sort of timeline having to do with the show, but set in Avatar Universe. Makes references to episodes I've never seen, only heard about; specifically "City of Walls and Secrets". Lot's of plot gaps but also lots of fun! Yay! Sometimes I use the quote in the individual part, sometimes it's just implied. Enjoy!

I should also warn everyone that this fic is basically a retarded mix of every Avatar fic I've ever read...but damn was it fun to write anyway. big Iroh smile

Rated M for saluting soldiers and their dirty language...aka—adult content. No lemons, just a sour tang.

Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar the Last Airbender: Nickelodeon does. I do own my fanfiction and plot bunnies. Please don't steal them; the bunnies get afraid around strange people.

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Part One. There are lies, damned lies, and statistics

Zuko sat with his back against a tree pretending to listen to his uncle. After his banishment, being exploded near the North Pole, and eventual status as an enemy to his own country in addition to the world, Iroh had never stopped in his persistence that Zuko get a proper education.

"So, if there are fifty fire nation troops against three waterbenders during a full moon, what are the odds? Zuko?" His uncle prodded.

"Huh? Oh...uh...42?" Zuko answered with the first number that came to mind. Maybe just this once, it would be the right answer.

However, from the strange look his uncle was giving him, he knew almost immediately that he could assume it wasn't.

Zuko sighed. "Why does any of this matter? I'll never be more than a refugee, an outcast, a lowly earth kingdom peasant for the rest of my miserable life. Who cares about war odds?" He glowered and crossed his arms.

His uncle gave him a stern look. "Someday nephew, you will be on the fire nation throne and you will need to have a king's education. You must be patient with Fate. She takes us down strange roads in our lives but—"

"ENOUGH!" Zuko yelled, jumping up from the tree he'd been sitting against. "I'm sick of all your foolish optimism! I sick of all your lies! And statistics! And whatever else you have in that old brain of yours!"

Iroh shook his head sadly. If only the boy had something to hold on to; a glimmer of light for his dark life. He tried his best, but sometimes a father figure wasn't enough. Zuko was a growing boy, a teenage boy. What did teenage boys need to keep them pressing forward when all seemed lost?

And that's when a teenage girl fell out of a tree and into Zuko's surprised arms.

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Part Two. Everything is sexier when Jet's involved.

Zuko looked down at the girl in his arms with wide eyes. She looked back at him with an equally shocked expression. They stayed like that for a few moments, just staring at each other until Iroh came over his own shock and coughed to hide his laughter.

The cough brought the two teens out of their trance and Zuko scowled as he set the girl on her feet and took a step back. Then the realization hit him like a ton of flying bison: this was the Avatar's waterbender!

Zuko looked excited for a few brief moments before he realized that he no longer had any need for the Avatar. He and his uncle had had a conversation in Ba Sing Se in which he had finally been convinced that capturing the Avatar would not restore his crown. He would have to defeat his father the old fashioned way. Thus the angst during his lessons...what chance did he have against a firebending master such as his father?

Katara watched as a flurry of emotions ran across Zuko's face. He was a very strange boy, wasn't he? For some reason it had never really clicked in her mind before: the fact that Zuko was only a teenaged boy. Probably around Sokka's age, come to think of it. She had never been that close to him before, but now she could see that he was indeed just a boy.

"Excuse me miss..." Iroh prompted, bringing the two out of their thoughts.


"Ah yes, Miss Katara. I was wondering if you would be kind enough to explain to a poor confused old man what you were doing up in that tree." Iroh smiled largely and pulled a cup of tea out of no where. He took a sip, tilted his head slightly, and waited for her explanation.

Katara was a little taken a back at first (where on earth had he gotten that tea?), but regained her composure and blushed slightly.

"I...I wasn't spying on you or anything...I just...er...I was sort of tied to the tree."

Zuko raised an eyebrow at her. Iroh smiled and nodded urging her to continue.

"There's this guy, I'm pretty sure he's stalking me actually, and he was getting his revenge for a time I stuck him to a tree. Of course I had the decency to keep him on the ground! The jerk decided it would be funnier to climb up the tree and then tie me too it! Oh, when I get my hands on him I swear I'll..."

"There isn't anything you could end that sentence with that would be a bad thing in my eyes, Katara, just as long as your hand are on me." A familiar voice called out.

Jet sauntered out of the trees, trademark piece of hay sticking out of one side of his mouth. "I didn't think it would take you so long to get down, so I waited around to catch you. Imagine my surprise when another guy settled in to steal my moment."

Katara seethed. She was about to launch at the smirking bastard when four arrows pierced the sleeves of her robe, effectively sticking her to the same god-forsaken tree.

"Imagine my further surprise when I realized that the guy trying to steal my little bit of fun was the same firebending bastard who escaped me in Ba Sing Se." With this comment, Jet's eyes narrowed.

Zuko smirked. Even without his bending, he could destroy this simpleton.

Jet took his fighting stance and waited for Zuko to do the same. After a slight pause, Zuko slowly crouched into his own stance and took a breath. This will be over soon, both boys thought. They slowly circled each other, each one thinking he was toying with the other. It was only after they had traded sides that Zuko realized his mistake. Jet let go of his stance and dashed up to Katara. Her eyes widened and she made to kick out but, Jet acted too quickly. He ripped her out of her robe, off the tree, and held her tight against his chest, with a dagger at her throat.

Zuko hesitated before coming out of his own stance. Should he strike at Jet anyway? He found that he couldn't. There was a strange churning in his stomach when he thought of the girl's blood being spilled. Especially when she was half naked, her cheeks tinted a pleasant shade of pink.

Katara could hardly keep in her rage and embarrassment. There she was, a waterbending master, trapped against a very hard very evil chest...and nothing covering her top except her breast bindings no less.

"No sudden movements, firebender. I would hate to have to ruin such a beautiful woman." Jet moved the arm holding Katara's waist firmly to him slightly so that he could move his hand up and down her waste. Katara held in a breath as he lightly brushed his lips against her neck. Jet laughed at Zuko's look of disgust.

"Good boy. Longshot, Smellerbee! Go!" Jet called and smiled triumphantly. Zuko braced himself.

Nothing happened.

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Part Three. Precious few pay mind to shadows.

Iroh had to stifle a chuckle as he moved just far enough into the light of the clearing for Zuko to catch a glimpse of him. The boy who held Katara captive had assumed that his two friends could handle a frail old firebender...and boy were they wrong. Iroh had sensed them behind him immediately. He used their own rope to swiftly and silently gag and tie them to a tree a few feet away. Never underestimate the power of an ex-general on a tea high. Iroh shook his head as he stared down at the two—silly kids and their ambushing.

Feeling more like a super ninja than a firebender, Iroh had stayed hidden in the same area Jet had probably assumed his friends would be jumping out of to surprise and capture Zuko. Seeing the action come to a climax, he had slipped stealthy behind Jet.

Zuko smirked at his uncle's antics. Even he forgot to count in the old fool when there was trouble.

Jet seeing the smirk and not hearing the triumphant war cry of his minions took a step back. Iroh chose that moment to shoot a hand out in front of him and grab the wrist holding the dagger. Katara, now out of danger, unleashed her anger on a very confused would-be captor. She turned and aimed a hell-hath-no-fury style kick directly at what use to be Jet's happy place.

Jet's eyes widened, and the only sound that managed to escape his throat was a very manly squeak of injustice as he fell to his knees. Katara smiled prettily at him before punching his nose.

Zuko and Iroh just watched and cringed every so often as the girl made sure that Jet would never take another female prisoner again.

Finally, Zuko could take no more. He hauled the angry, yelling waterbender off the poor boy and let his uncle drag the quivering Jet over to tie him with his friends.

Zuko wrapped his arms around Katara's waist in an effort to stop the currently psychotic girl from running after her assailant. At that moment, Zuko was the only person in the universe to ever feel sorry for the Avatar, not for being a 12 year old with the weight of the world on his shoulders, but for having to deal with this crazy girl when she was angry.

"Let me go!" Katara screamed, finally recognizing that the force holding her back was a person. Zuko slammed her against his chest and turned her around. With her wild blue eyes looking into his he yelled, "That's enough!"

Katara glared at him and continued to wiggle and struggle against him until the temporarily dormant "captain obvious" part of her mind decided to put in its two cents. She was being held against another very hard possibly less evil chest. She gazed up at Zuko and blushed.

Zuko looked down at her ready to give her a piece of his mind until his raging hormones decided now would be a good time to remind him that a half naked girl was being held tightly to his chest and had previously been wiggling her girl parts all over him. And damn did she have some nice girl parts.

Zuko's arms holding Katara to his chest lightened, but did not let go. Katara moved her hands up to his chest meaning to push him away, the thought falling a little short as her hands had a chance to shortly explore the chest she had a strange urge to become familiar with.

Katara let her eyes drift slowly shut as Zuko lowered his head.

Mere centimeters from capturing her lips, Zuko's arrogant and girl-retarded mind made an abrupt and unwelcome observation. Where did his uncle go?

His trance broken, Zuko took one last look at the girl, etching the image of her waiting for his kiss in his mind. He pushed her away and almost let a sigh of regret slip into his otherwise expressionless demeanor at the confused look that she gave him.

Iroh emerged from his hiding place and sighed. It was just like his nephew to remain aware of his surroundings, even if it left him with lost moments such as these.

"Enough is enough!" Iroh thought as he cleared his throat. He was going to turn that boy into a hormonal girl hungry teenager if it killed him!

"So, you're traveling with the Avatar, yes? I was thinking yesterday over a cup of delicious Jasmine tea..."

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Part Four. What was the conqueror's wife but a conquest herself?

Zuko didn't know how he had gotten himself into this situation...oh wait! Yes he did. He glared over at his uncle, who was happily teaching Avatar Aang how to play Pai Sho.

Why don't we all travel together? The Avatar needs a firebending master! Once Ozai is gone, Zuko will be able to end the war and aid the Avatar in restoring the balance! Tea anyone?

He growled to himself as his uncle's arguments on why they should join up with the Avatar and his entourage rang through his head. It had been only a week and everyone was getting along like they had always been one big happy family; everyone except for him of course.

His uncle or the Avatar would call jovially over to him every now and then about random and annoying things that he tended to ignore, the water tribe warrior tended to sit on a rock and glare at him all day while sharpening his silly toy of a weapon, the blind girl completely ignored him, and Katara usually spent most of the day avoiding him.

Yeah...joining the Avatar was a great idea.

Zuko's distance from the rest of the group had not escaped his uncle's mind. Iroh was simply biding his time until he could come up with a plan to a) get Zuko to try and manhandle Katara and b) get Katara to like it.

He thought about his nephew, and his personality. What did Zuko like to do...what were his interests? The first thing that came to mind was "chasing the Avatar", but that was finished. Now that they were on the same side, the chase had officially come to an unexpected ending.

And then Iroh had it. He merely had to give Zuko a new target, a new person to chase. For what was the conqueror's wife but a conquest herself?

Iroh wanted to giggle like a little girl at his cleverness. He loved being a wise old coot.

Oo The next morning... Oo

"She likes you, Zuko." Iroh commented, startling his nephew. Zuko usually woke at false dawn, well before any of the others, and meditated with the sun rise. Iroh knew that this would be the perfect time to plant his delicious ideas into the young man's brain.

Zuko put on his best glare face to hide his fright. Had his uncle caught him watching the girl sleep? He could have sworn this was the first time his uncle had been up so early, and Zuko only watched Katara in the time before the sun rose. He didn't know why he did it...there was just something about her that made him warm inside...well, warmer. He was a firebender after all.

"What are you going on about today, Uncle?" Zuko huffed.

"I know you like her Zuko. I may be an old man, but I know young love when I see it."

"Young love?! I have no interest in that waterbending wench!"

Iroh sighed dramatically. "I suppose you're right. You wouldn't be able to win her anyway..."

Zuko gave his uncle a calculating look. What was the old man playing at? He hated to let his uncle lead him into traps, but his curiosity got the best of him.

"What do you mean, I wouldn't be able to?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing...it's just, she is such a beautiful young girl. She could have any man she wished. As much as I love you nephew, I just can't see you winning over a nicer boy who would sweep her off her feet."

Zuko stared indignantly at his uncle. A nicer boy who would sweep her off her feet?! He was a prince for goodness sake! He could have any woman he wanted! Especially a waterbending peasant! He was going to be Fire Lord; no woman would turn him away!

Iroh watched with satisfaction as he saw the wheels in the boys brain start to turn. He knew how to push his buttons. As Zuko's older and wiser relative it was his right.

"She won't escape." Zuko muttered under his breath.

Iroh smiled. Either his nephew trusted his uncle so much that he could easily be manipulated by him, or the boy had finally lost it. Either way, Iroh was happy. Even mentally insane people were known to have babies...right?

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Part Five. Unconscious defiance.

Katara couldn't help but notice the extra attention Zuko had started giving her. When no one was looking, his glare softened a bit, and once or twice he even smirked at her. He made an effort to start giving her gentle touches too; a hand brushing a hand, sliding farther than necessary and bumping his thighs into hers when Appa changed direction, once he even brushed her hair out of her face when the wind had mussed it.

She tried to refute him, she really did, but her body just wouldn't listen to her mind. She would lean into his touches before she realized or giggle if he sent a smile her way. Katara knew that the rest of the group was becoming suspicious of the two. She wanted to tell them that nothing was going on, that she didn't even like him much. But damn if her body wasn't fighting her every time she tried.

Zuko couldn't believe what he was doing. At first, he had been flirting with her to prove his uncle wrong. Then, he had continued to flirt with her because she had seemed to fill the hole that had formed inside him once he couldn't chase the Avatar. Now, now he wasn't sure why he was flirting with her. In the back of his mind, he still thought of her as a target to be caught, but it was different than it was with the Avatar. Aang had been an object, a means to an end. Katara was...well...he didn't know what she was to him.

Not that he could stop, even if he wanted to. His body seemed to have a mind of its own; seeking her warmth...her long silky hair...her curves...her soft...Zuko felt a very familiar tightening in his groin. He groaned, but was glad for once that he had kept his distance from the group. He rose and walked into the woods towards the river; it was time for a cold bath.

Katara noticed when Zuko had silently left. She glanced around the campfire. No one else seemed to notice the boy's absence. "I'm going to go collect more firewood." Katara said nonchalantly. Sokka, who normally objected to her going out in the woods alone, was too engrossed in his Pai Sho game with Iroh to do anything but grumble his approval. The others knew she could take care of herself, especially so close to a river, so they let her go without complaint.

Katara walked in the direction Zuko had headed, trying to stay as quiet as possible. She didn't want to startle the firebender and get hurt accidentally. At least, that's what she told herself.

When she reached the river she was met with a pleasantly naked Zuko.

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Part Six. Oh, I love moments like these. I like to wave at them as they pass by.

Katara blushed as she stared at his sculpted butt. Was there anything about the boy that wasn't perfect? Even his scar seemed to accent his face and personality. She watched as he waded deeper into the water, little puffs of steam rising up as he tried to keep warm.

He was almost waist deep when he started to turn around. Katara's eyes widened in horror and she turned her face away. This was wrong. She had to leave, and quickly. She made her way back to camp with a slight feeling of regret growing inside her. Regret? Was she becoming some kind of sex crazed pervert? She tried not to answer that question after a disturbing notion entered her brain: it would have been worth it, being a sex crazed pervert, if she had gotten to see Zuko naked.

Now she'd probably never get another chance. Or would she? Katara picked up a few stray branches and pieces of tree bark on her way back to camp to make sure her story held. As she did, she thought about the past few days. Hadn't Zuko been awfully flirty with her? She had flirted back lightly, but maybe now was the time to really work it.

Katara knew she was hot. She tried not to be conceited, but it was the truth. So, why wouldn't she attract an equally hot specimen of the opposite sex? Why should Sokka get to have all the romantic adventures?

She made up her mind. "He won't escape." Katara muttered under her breath as she entered the glow of the campsite once more.

Zuko returned to camp not long after Katara. He had only needed to rinse himself off in order to ward off his saluting soldier.

He sat down on his bedroll, which he had moved closer to the others once he had started his Katara escapade. Speaking of Katara, she was at the moment giving him a strange look. He stared back at her bewildered. What there something on his face? He unconsciously rubbed his nose.

Katara was doing her best to give Zuko a sexy look, but feared she was failing miserably. Why did he rub his nose? Was that teenage boy code for I like you? She would have tried to compare his actions with the way her brother acted around girls, but she knew that would be useless. Her brother was...well...he was Sokka. 'Nuff said.

She gave up and walked over to her bedroll.

Sokka suddenly slumped, then straightened his back and looked around like he was noticing for the first time that there was more to the world than tea and Pai Sho. He yawned, and declared it bedtime. Everyone agreed, climbing into their respective rolls of cloth.

In the morning, Katara woke much earlier than she was use to. She noticed that every sleeping bag still held its slumbering occupant except for one. The one she was most interested in. She climbed out of her bed roll and looked around. She spotted Zuko standing next to Appa, absentmindedly petting him and staring at the sky.

She walked over to him and he glanced at her as she took a place by his side.

"I didn't realize how beautiful it was out here, so early in the morning." Katara commented quietly. She suddenly felt Zuko's warm breath tickling her neck. She turned and was met with golden eyes staring back at her.

Everything seemed to fall into place at that moment. The sky was pink with rising sun, the morning dew made the world sparkle and glow, and the soft hum of the morning was singing them a love song. And at that perfect moment, there was only the two of them.

And then there was Aang.

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Part Seven. Imagine, at seventeen, getting my first kiss...And me, completely unprepared for it!

Aang jumped on Zuko's back startling the two young people out of their perfect moment. The only thing saving the poor boy from an onslaught of water whips and waves of fire was the fact that he was destined to be the savior of the world...and even then he squeaked by just barely.

"Happy Birthday, Zuko!" Aang yelled as he clutched Zuko tightly around the neck before letting himself drop to the ground.

Zuko choked a little when the twelve year old crushed his throat and then looked at the Avatar like he was crazy.

Slowly, Zuko counted the months and days in his mind. Sure enough, he came to the same conclusion as the Avatar. His birthday would be around this time.

Katara's face went from disappointed, to surprised, to excited.

"It's your birthday? How old are you?" She said smiling up at him.


"We have to do something special!" Katara said bouncing up and down with the young Avatar. They ran off into the woods in search of something, anything, to make the day special.

Zuko raised his eyebrow as he watching them scurry off. Toph walked up to him and slapped him on the back, wished him a happy one and told him his present was that she wouldn't trip him today if he tried to hurt Sokka (so that's what was going on! He was starting to think the boy was just incredibly lucky). Sokka grumbled something that sounded like the word birthday before rolling over and going back to sleep.

Iroh walked up to Zuko and gave him a hug. "Happy birthday, Nephew! May your year be blessed with much joy and well tidings." Zuko sighed. Of course his uncle would remember his birthday and leak it to everyone else.

Well, might as well make the best of it, Zuko thought as he walked over to Sokka, bent down, and hit the boy upside the head. Sokka yelped and sat up as Zuko smiled and walked over to the fire pit to get water for breakfast boiling.

Sokka glared at him and yelled, "what was that for?!" He turned his glare on Toph when she giggled.

"Because today I can, and trust me, Sokka, I'm going to abuse every minute."

Three wrestling matches, five punches to the arm, and four more "knock it off you jerk" s later, Aang and Katara returned from their birthday hunt. They had found random berries and fruits, and much to Aang's chagrin, Katara had even managed to hunt down a meaty animal.

Katara got to work fixing up Zuko's birthday brunch and it ended up being one of the best meals the group had ever had. She gave Zuko all the best portions and wished him a happy birthday by leaning close into him and whispering it in his ear. Her lips gently brushed his ear and he thought that this had to be the best birthday he'd ever had.

After their brunch, Iroh gave Zuko a bag of oolong tea and a new tea cup. Zuko grimaced on the inside at the gift that was obviously meant to benefit his uncle more than him, but had to bless his uncle with a small smile. To him, his uncle's presence on his quest had been enough of a gift for all his remaining birthdays. Iroh always seemed to know what to say or do to make Zuko's life just a little more bearable.

He hugged his uncle, thanked him, and then to his uncle's delight, asked him to fix up a kettle of tea.

To Zuko's surprise, Sokka gave him a gift next. He roughly shoved Zuko's own twin swords at him and scoffed at Zuko's confused look. "I cleaned and sharpened them alright! You'd think a prince and a soldier would know how to keep his own weapons from rusting!" Zuko knew his swords were far from rusty, but had to grin at Sokka's antics. Maybe he didn't hate the former prince as much as he let on.

Finally, it was Aang's turn. As soon as he saw the monks wide grin, he knew he should be afraid of whatever it was the Avatar was going to give him.

"This is actually something I've been holding onto for you from Katara!" Aang said happily. Zuko gave him a curious look. He wasn't holding anything.

Aang then jumped off the ground with a little puff of air, grabbed Zuko's head in his hands, and gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

The laughter erupting from the camp could be heard for miles. Of course, only Katara, Sokka, and Aang had been there when Katara had mocked the then evil prince Zuko saying "you can give him this for me" and kissed Aang on the cheek.

None the less, Toph and Iroh were laughing just as hard. Toph had heard the wet kiss so loudly that she could practically feel the Avatar drool on Zuko's face, and Iroh would never forget the shocked, afraid, and confused look Zuko was giving the Aang.

After a minute, Zuko's shock wore off and he joined in the roaring laughter with the others. Despite the fact that the Avatar had clearly been making fun of him, he couldn't help but be happy that at some point in their travels, Katara had indirectly given him a kiss. Maybe it was a silly notion to hold on to, but it made his stomach flutter anyway.

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Part Eight. Curses, foiled again!

In the days following Zuko's birthday, travel had resumed as usual for the motley crew. The only difference being the blatantly obvious sexual tension between Zuko and Katara; sexual tension that Iroh was determined to have resolved.

Iroh reasoned that all he needed to do was find a way to get the two alone together. Then "Bam!" he'd be up to his knees in grandbabies.

Sitting near the fire and close to the bucket of water meant to be used for dinner, Iroh came up with a very simple and foolproof plan. He made as to stretch out his limbs and let is foot "accidentally" kick the bucket of water so that it spilled on the fire.

"Oh, how clumsy of me," Iroh remarked, successfully putting on a look of bewilderment. "Zuko, hurry into the woods and collect more fire wood. The wood in the pit is much too wet to be burning much longer. You can take Katara with you so she can safely fetch more water as well!"

"That's all right Iroh." Katara said, smiling at the clumsy old man. "I can just bend the water out of the logs and back into the bucket."

Iroh's eye's widened as she did just that. Of course she could just bend the water out...WATERBENDER. Damn kids and their clever hobbies. This was going to take more than his usually semi-subtle pushing, he thought. His determination bordering on insanity, Iroh decided to put plan deus ex machina into action.

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Part Nine. If a dog jumps in your lap, it's because he's fond of you. If a cat does the same thing, it means your lap is warmer.

Zuko stirred early in the morning to a strange sensation. He felt a sort of pressure on his chest and an even reoccurring warmth on his neck. Opening his eyes lazily he looked down to find Katara wrapped in his arms.

He stared at her for a few minutes before his brain started to work again. Careful not to wake the sleeping girl, he lifted his neck awkwardly off the ground and looked around the area for Sokka ready to puncture his skull with a large rock. Unfortunately, he was only met by a small clearing surrounded by trees.

Katara, feeling the slight movement woke up to find herself practically on top of Zuko with his arms wrapped tightly around her waste.

"Uh...Zuko? Why are we in a clearing with no camp site?"

"I have no idea."


Katara wriggled a little in his arms and put her hands on the ground ready to push herself off the boy when she felt a large lump against her middle. Thinking a strange rock had worked its way between them she started to roll off Zuko and reached her hand down to remove said rock.

Zuko, sensing her movements, immediately jumped up and dumped a startled Katara to the ground. He scooted back on the ground until he hit a tree, his hands firmly settled over his morning glory.

"What did you do that for?!" Katara asked, standing up and rubbing her behind before putting her arms on her waist and giving him a stern look.

"You were the one trying to molest me!" Zuko yelled giving her an accusing, slightly aroused look.

"Molest you? What are you talking about?! There was something hard between us; I was just reaching to remove it before you freaked out!"

At this comment even Zuko's bad eye went as big as a saucer. Then he grimaced as he thought about how naïve the girl must be—either that or her brother was exceptionally good at keeping secret the occasional problem people of the male species suffered from in the morning...especially when they had cute waterbending girls on top of them.

Seeing his grimace, Katara sighed. "Why do you always have to be so difficult? I'm confused and scared! How did we get to a different clearing? Where is our campsite? Why are you always grimacing at me?! The least you could do is be helpful! I try to be nice, but no—"

"Would you just shut up so I can think!"

"No! I won't shut up! Why did you toss me off of you? Why did you cower? Why are you holding your—"

"I have a boner all right! You're hot and you were on top of me! I have wet dreams about you! I'M A BOY IN MY LATE TEENS DAMN IT! YOU WON'T EVEN KISS ME ON MY BIRTHDAY BUT YOU'RE PERFECTLY WILLING TO TOUCH MY PENIS?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

At that point Zuko had left his shame next to the tree he had previously scrambled to and was red face to red face with Katara. Zuko looked ready to rip her head off while Katara looked horrified.

Then all hell broke loose.

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Part Ten. Remember---always be good. If you can't be good, be safe. And if you can't be safe...name it after me.

"Do you remember that time you jumped me in the woods?" Zuko chuckled looking down at the bundle in his arms.

"I did not jump you! You were the one talking about hot I am!" Katara replied with huff and a smile. Zuko raised his eyebrow at her and she gave him an exasperated look.

"Ok, maybe I jumped you a little. After all that kissing and touching...I'm surprised we managed to wait until the dust settled from the final battle to have sex."

"Well, you wouldn't have done us much good fighting my father with a baby growing inside you. Besides, it was worth the wait. Think of it as a hell of a lot of foreplay."

Katara giggled and took their child back into her own arms. He was a beautiful baby and he would grow up in a peaceful world as a fire nation prince, with the Avatar for a godfather no less. She couldn't have wished anything more for her little boy.

There was a knock at the door. They both called "come in" and the owner of the knock, who happened to be Iroh, stepped in.

"I just received word that the others are on their way. Avatar Aang and Toph had to finish up clearing rogue troops out of Omashu, then they'll fly Appa by the southern water tribe to pick up Sokka. By the way, Sokka wrote that he would be conducting a very thorough investigation on what hypnotism, drugs, and or magic you used on Katara to get her to marry you, Zuko."

"Of course he will." Zuko said, dragging his hand over his face. Katara's brother's inquiries were getting on the tiring side.

"Iroh, I was wondering if you could solve a little mystery for us."

"Of course, my dear Katara! How can I be of service?"

"Zuko and I were just reminiscing about that strange morning we woke up in the woods."

"Ah yes, the day you two realized your feelings for each other if I am not mistaken."

Katara giggled and Zuko looked away from his uncle, his cheeks a little pink.

"Yes, of course. Do you have any idea how we got there?"

Iroh chuckled and reached to take the baby boy gently from his mother's arms. Zuko might be his nephew by blood, but in his heart Zuko was his son. That made the little child he held his first grand child, and he couldn't be any happier.

"Well, while you were sleeping I moved you as quickly and silently as I could towards the center of the woods. A few hours before dawn I spotted that clearing and set you down to let nature take its course."

"Uncle, how could you have possibly carried us that distance? That's impossible!"

"Never underestimate the power of your elders, Zuko." Or, Iroh thought, the power of a conspiratory airbender who would rather remain anonymous. "Have you thought of a name?"

Katara looked at the baby being held in the older man's arms. She then looked to her husband, smiling at his uncle/surrogate father and their son. Her heart melted, and she knew that they would have plenty of other children to name after lost mothers and fathers. But for this little boy, there was only one name they could possibly give him.

"I think we should name him Iroh."

Zuko gave his wife a quizzical look and then laughed. "I suppose it's quite fitting isn't it? After all my uncle went through to get us together. Iroh. Our little Iroh."

Big Iroh could only smile broadly as he held back a sob. He looked down at little Iroh and muttered, "as soon as he is old enough, I am going to make him my best kettle of jasmine tea."

Zuko and Katara laughed and looked lovingly at Iroh and their son. That was one blessed little boy.

Oo Oo Oo Oo Oo Oo Oo Oo Oo Oo Oo Oo Oo Oo

A/N: The episode where Katara kisses Aang on the cheek and says "give this to Zuko for me" is "Bato of the Water Tribe", Water:15. In case you were wondering.

I just want to make it clear, that the only things I know about boys in their late teens I learned from my biology, health, and human sexuality classes, as well as a few unwelcome snippets from my two little, but teenaged none-the-less, brothers. Sorry if you're a boy and you find me to be horribly wrong.

Also, if you don't know what the term "deus ex machina" means, you should go look it up. When I learned about it in class when we were reading a play I got weird looks for laughing so hard. You gotta love the old Latin and Greek plays. Halarious.

This is a sillyfic! Please keep that in mind before you flame me.