Instructions: I *highly* suggest reading Gagnat d'Amour and Perdant
d'Amour before attempting this. This is not me just trying to plug my fics…
reading this with no background information just really isn't an option!
Warning: Linda POV (I know
no one likes her… poor Linda!) and angst. MATURE READERS WHO WON'T FLAME FOR A
DARK TOPIC ONLY! Sakashipping and
something Chuchino will kill me for.
Overview: Eighteen months after the events of PdA – where
everyone is now.
I crossed my legs as I lay back against
the soft sofa and looked expectantly at Ruksana, sitting across the room from
me. She always looked so in control. Made me sick sometimes.
you been crying?" she asked, in her sympathetic, friendly voice.
I been crying? How many times had I cried? And how many times had I
blamed ill-fitting contact lenses, making my eyes water? Mind you, they were
bloody annoying. But there's no way I'm going back to my glasses; horrible
memories. Growing up, I didn't have a face – just a pair of glasses and a
mouth. When my cousin started dating the Pokémon Master, they had to go…
do you want to talk about?" Ruksana pressed, gently, when I didn't reply. I
turned my head to gaze at her…through the cornflower blue eyes that I was born
with, knowing that Ruksana would see only the piercing, artificial hue that the
coloured contacts gave me. I sighed.
don't know…" I finally admitted, inwardly wincing as I suddenly noticed
that I sounded like a valley girl. "I just don't know what's wrong with me…I
used to be in control of everything in my life… and now…everything's upside
down…" Ruksana nodded knowingly.
his name?" she asked. I could feel my cheeks redden…don't you hate that?
It's bad enough when it's obvious to other people that you're blushing, but to
feel your face begin to burn makes the whole thing so much harder.
I mumbled. Ruksana arched an eyebrow.
why don't you tell me all about you and him?" I straightened up on the
sofa, pushing back a lock of blonde hair, equally as artificial as the colour
of my eyes. For a split second, I wish I had my reddish, strawberry blonde
plaits hanging down by my shoulders instead of this highlighted blonde, severely
cropped hair I was currently sporting.
did I become so artificial…?
I began. "We met through my cousin. I was about
fourteen I guess… it was during my one and only Indigo League tournament. He
used to travel around with my cousin and her husband when they were kids. He
was a Pokémon Watcher… two years older…"
on," Ruksana urged as I hesitated.
it was pretty obvious that he had a crush on me from the word go," I
laughed, slightly, "But one night, I was feeling pretty low…" I felt my
cheeks colour again. "I was a depressive during most of my teenaged years," I
admitted. "And I remember that night...everything was so clear… I-I…" I
hesitated again. "I wanted to kill myself. I hated myself, I hated
everything…" Restless, I swung my legs off the sofa and began to pace
around the room, feeling Ruksana's chocolate brown eyes follow me intently. "I
still don't know that was wrong with me… I was a spoilt only child, I had
everything I wanted… I was just…so, so…unhappy…" I felt something dislodge
my already loose right eye contact and whimpered slightly, returning to the
sofa and grabbing a tissue at the same time.
must be hard for you, would you rather talk about a different aspect?" Ruksana
asked in concern, but I waved my arm as a passive gesture before continuing.
he came and talked with me, and he held me while I cried, and then I guess I
must have fallen asleep about 11 at night… he was there when I left, but gone
when I woke up." I smiled suddenly, a mischievous grin that was often seen
on the face of my infamous, red-headed cousin, and for once, I didn't care if
it created lines in my perfectly applied foundation. "I guess it must have
looked pretty suspicious… him being over at my cabin that late… I wonder what
people thought!" (A/N: yes I wonder what you people DID think…)
I got a job in Goldenrod," I continued, forcing my voice to harden, and
turn back to its usual semi-valley girl accent. "And Tracey began to attend
an art collage near where I lived, so I let him rent a room from me. From then
onwards…we became a 'couple'. We did everything together… but we didn't kiss,
or hold hands, and we never came close to sharing a bedroom. He still wanted
to, he loved me so much, but he was too much of a gentleman to push it.
my cousin, Daisy told me was that if you play hard to get, you can get
anything. I thought that by completely ignoring Tracey, he'd love me more…"
that works…" Ruksana quipped helpfully. I smiled
Anyway, then there was that whole dramatic thing with my cousin, Misty Ketchum,
disappearing like that..."
I read about that!" exclaimed Ruksana. "That was
so touching… what's going on with them now? They don't do interviews anymore." I
Misty got pregnant just a few days after getting back, but she lost that baby
after a few months as well… nearly drove her insane. Put an awful strain
between her and Ash, but he stood by her, and they got married. Then Misty
conceived on the wedding night, and my god-daughter, Samantha is almost two
months old now!" I smiled, it was a happy memory.
Ruksana clapped her hands in delight. "I'm so happy for them! Give them
my best!" I only half heard her, I was lost in a memory. I half-smiled.
birth is one thing I'm going to remember forever!"
"WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE LOOKING AT???" the sweating red-head on the bed screeched. "I'M NOT A BLOODY
FREAKSHOW!" she glared at the line of people standing outside, their
expectant faces up against the glass screen that allowed them to look into the
delivery room: Delia, Brock, Daisy, Jo, Lily, Tracey, Linda, Violet, Anju. "BROCK
STOP LOOKING *THERE*!!" Misty continued to screech.
calm down…" the dark haired young man standing beside the bed began, but
Misty grabbed him by the collar, yanking him down so he was eye level with her.
you!" she growled. "You are never touching me again, UNDERSTAND??!!"
he whimpered. Suddenly, Misty's eyes opened wide
and her face drained of all colour. "Oh GOD!" she screeched as she
balled her fists up in pain.
suddenly a purple tinted, slimy thing appeared and was plonked in Ash's shaking
arms. He looked down at it warily, it's mouth opened in a wail that matched its
it possible to have a DOUBLE MIGRANE?" he yelled out at his friends as the
baby writhed and screamed in his arms, and his wife writhed and screamed on the
think I'm gonna cry!" said Delia, dabbing her eyes.
think I'm gonna throw up," mumbled Brock, glancing
warily at what was oozing out of Misty.
think I'm gonna faint!" chorused Daisy, Lily, Violet and Anju.
think I'm gonna go get coffees for everyone!" chanted Jo, before
disappearing around the corner.
think I'm gonna get my fallopian tubes clipped," Linda muttered grimly.
think *I'm* gonna stock up on aspirin!" Tracey smiled.
Suddenly, Linda noticed that Tracey was
staring at somebody else's foggy reflection in the pane of glass; it stopped
being a happy memory.
repeated, blankly. "Who's she?" I growled, inwardly hearing my
resemblance to my cousin. I don't know why I always feel proud when I spot a
resemblance to Misty.
type chick who tagged along with Misty when she came back from Cianwood… never
liked her. She's always too happy, always smiling. She's got these stupid, huge
pink eyes. Looks like a lab-rat." Yes okay, now I know I was bitching, but
you feel threatened by her from the start?" Ruksana asked.
a way," I agreed. In a way? Course I did. She was a stranger; and worse,
she was female. It just seemed to me like we had this little group. Ash, Misty,
Brock, Tracey, Jo and me. Ash had Misty, Brock had Jo and Tracey had me. But
you add a new female into the equation…and someone has to make room.
a way I guess I can't blame him…" I suddenly spoke. "He must have
thought it wasn't going anywhere with me, and he always wanted all that stuff –
you know – marriage, babies, and a big house with a Growlithe. I always made it
quite clear that I never wanted any of that, so it was only natural of him to
find someone who did… and that person was Anju I guess."
you feel jealous of your cousin at all?" Ruksana suddenly asked. Caught off
guard I glared at her, and watched her cower backwards involuntarily.
course not!" I barked. "Nobody, and I mean nobody loves Misty
more than I do…well, maybe Ash, but not in the same way. I'd do anything for
her if the occasion called for it, and I am so happy for her that there's no
room in my emotions of jealousy!"
Ruksana looked taken aback. I felt my face soften.
sorry," I mumbled, ungraciously. She nodded slowly.
guess it was the way he left me as well," I babbled, hurriedly carrying on.
"I think I fell in love with him whilst he was saying goodbye." I
sniffed loudly into the now tattered tissue. "Lousy timing huh?" I
laughed, thankful that my voice hadn't cracked. "And anyway," I
continued forcefully. "Tracey aside, I…I seemed too have regressed; getting
more and more depressed you know?" She wouldn't know. Sitting up there in
her fancy navy suit, with her long black hair swept up in a bun, she wouldn't
have the slightest clue. She wouldn't know how scared I am; how much I
long to just go to sleep and never, never wake up.
has made something of themselves, but it's not that I'm jealous. I'm annoyed.
Annoyed at myself. Misty has her baby, Jo is practically famous for breaking
out of the 'Nurse Joy stereotype' and becoming a youth social worker, and Anju
has Tracey. She has Tracey.
sweet, innocent little Tracey who used to wake me up in the morning with a shy
kiss on the forehead and a plate of warm breakfast. The one who ironed my
suits, and did all the cooking. The one who used to sneakily sketch me, and
when I found out I used to feign annoyance, when deep down I was horribly
has him. It sickened me.
do I do?" I finally asked, helplessly. Ruksana stared down at her hands.
And opened her mouth-
sudden and unexpected noise made us both jump, and our eyes turned to the
beeping clock on a far table. Efficiently, Ruksana rose to her feet, strode
across and turned it off.
all the time we have Linda," she said, turning back to me. "If you'd
like to talk some more, please feel free to book another appointment." She
turned her back on me and gathered up her papers. "Please pay at the desk," she
said. "It was nice meeting you!" she called over her shoulder as she
walked out of her office. Leaving me alone.
like he did.
there I was, just sitting there, on a psychiatrist's couch.
even twenty-three years old, and I was dying. Sitting on the couch, dying. All
on my own. Lonely alone.
attention diverted to my large leather handbag. I searched through various
items until I found what I sought and held it in my hand.
years of life and nothing to show for it but itchy eyes, frown wrinkles and a
little tub of my anti-depression pills rolled to the left slightly in my sweating
palm. LINDA WINHAMALL; GOLDENROD PHARMACY the printed label announced.
ANTI-DEPRESSIVES; TAKE A HALF A PILL A DAY OR AS INSTRUCTED. KEEP OUT OF REACH
struggled with the child-proof cap; it kept slipping in my shaking and damp
hands. A substantial amount of white tablets rattled inside the regulation
brown glass container. A half a pill a day, my doctor had warned.
I should take half a pill for each day of my life.
should make things all better.
D'Amour ~ THE END
d'amour – winning love | perdant d'amour – losing love | manquant d'amour –
missing love ]