"The End of the Bed"
By- AngelMoon Girl
Night descends again, and so do the demons of my past in reoccurring nightmares of what happened the day I left Crystal Tokyo in search of Sailor Moon and the Silver Crystal. Mommy's capture and the Senshi fruitlessly trying to protect her plays over and over in my dreams, threatening to plague me with the guilt of knowing this was all my fault. If only Mommy had never taken the blast for me; if only I'd never ran off; if only I'd never been so stupid as to take the Silver Crystal from its resting place.
If only, if only, if only...
That is my perpetual mantra, every night. The time when my mind is not occupied on other things and my thoughts linger on stuff I shouldn't. Because when I do, my heart gets all twisted and it's hard to breathe. A large lump forms and before I know it, hot tears are spilling down my cheeks and with much desperation I try and stay quiet. It's hard. My life is hard. You try being whisked away almost 1,000 years into the past, where everything is new and nothing the same! Where the person you live with hates your guts and the bad guys who ruined your home are constantly after your life! It's hard for a 6 year old to deal with! OK, so maybe 900+ years old is more accurate, but that's not the point. My body is small but my mind has grown larger through a near millenia.
I hold back the small whimper in my throat and clutch the bedsheets to me tighter. The wind from the open window blows cold against my skin and a little shiver racks my tense body. The Tsukino house creaks, and the other occupant sharing this room snores loudly. I gaze over to said person. Her golden-spun hair is plastered all over the bed, and her blue eyes are closed. Her body goes up and down in the slow breathing of slumber. Like that, she sort of looks like Mommy...
If only, if only, if only...
I miss Mommy terribly. I miss her soft, caring voice and strong arms that hold me in a protective embrace. I miss her all-encompassing blue oceans of eyes and her merry, carefree behavior. She wasn't strict, she wasn't harsh. She was just and never judgemental. She was the Queen. But first and foremost, she was my mother, and I loved her with all my heart.
But I feel I have broken that love. Because of me she was hurt, and finding the courage to forgive myself is like asking for a miracle. The life I knew has been thrown out of proportion and been twisted into something completely new. If I'd taken the time to think about my future when I was younger, I'll bet spending it in the past wasn't one of my choices. I wish with all my being I was home.
But I'm not.
And my Mommy and Daddy and Guardians aren't.
I'm all alone.
The grief I'd previously pushed down returned, this time more insistent than ever. I was drowning in my own sorrow. My hand comes up to clamp my mouth shut, because once I start crying I cannot stop, but the sobs come faster and faster. Any minute now, Serena will wake up and yell... or make fun of me...
I throw the covers over my head and push my face into the pillow, hard. Anything to muffle my cries. Why is the world so unfair? Why must I feel the burdens a child should not?
When my tears subside and my heart beat calms, I come out of the little cocoon I had created. It creates warmth, but does not fill the void left by the need for Mommy. I look back up at Serena. She twitches, stirs, and pulls the blankets closer to her in the slight chill. A little smile makes a way onto her face, even in sleep. Just like Mommy, and I am hit by deja-vu again.
Before I know it, the blanket is discarded and I am walking across the floor to the teen. Even my mind does not know why; it is all my subconscious working.
I am now standing beside the bed. My hand is outstretched, I'm touching her cheek. It's warm. The same warmth Mama has. My lip pouts and the tears well. Again. I obstinately wipe them away and refuse to cry again. See, once I start I never stop!
I don't know what possesses me to do it, but I crawl under the covers and sliver my way into her bed. Every night, when the sadness because this hard, I do it. I don't even know why! But for some reason, it just makes me feel better! Like Mommy's really there, comforting me... like those nights when I had a bad dream or wet my bed and Mama let me sleep with her or Daddy, in their big bed...
I snuggle into Serena's warmth. It feels good. I feel safe, happy. Like the old times before all this Dark Moon Nemesis stuff.
I smile, knowing full well the explosion that will follow this coming morning. Serena will blow a gasket for me having slept in her bed (okay, sometimes I wet it, but we won't go into details; it's so embarassing!) and she'll get in trouble, yada yada yada and so on and so forth. But while she's so mean and nasty in the day to me, she doesn't know that at night in her sleep, she wraps her arm around me and cuddles!
Maybe I can't bring Mommy back, but when I'm sad or feeling alone at night, I just crawl into the end of Serena's bed and then, when I'm with the person who probably hates me most, the pain goes away. Perhaps one day, I'll find out why...
Perhaps one day, I'll have my Mommy back.
But until then, goodnight!
A/N: Enjoy it? Hope it was sweet. I had some trouble trying to have it sound both childish and logical, and so I decided that considering Rini's true age in the manga, I decided to use that as why Rini sounds a bit older than a little child of whatever age she is- I just used 6 as the age cuz she looks it. Anyways, review please! It will make my day! And check out my other stories if you liked this one!