A/N: This was originally a longer story, and from a different POV, but I decided to shorten and change it.

Disclaimer: Don't own, not making any money!

Ratings: R

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Yaoi, and a citrus flavor

Main Characters: One-sided ToriXKana, and a mystery pairing: ToriX?

Additional Notes: This story originally had a sweeter ending…but then I changed everything except the basic theme and idea—I even changed the POV character!

Cigarette Burns

"A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied." — Oscar Wilde

Why am I here? Why did I come? My skin is cold as my shirt is removed for me, and I tell him so. He only smiles and tells me I won't be cold for much longer. I shudder as he runs his hands over my skin; I can't stop thinking of her. I look away and close my eyes, so I don't have to see him—let him do what he will. I don't care. He must have noticed my actions because he's stopped; his voice is quiet, almost wounded, as he asks what's wrong.

What's wrong, I repeat. Nothing is wrong, I offer in answer and he accepts after a moment and continues caressing me. I return to my thoughts, paying him as little mind as I may. What's wrong, I ask myself. It should be her bed I'm lying in, not his. I moan as his hands slip further down. I don't know how it came to this. I told myself that she would be the only one, that I would live with the void her absence made, that I would still remain faithful to her always. He had told me I was being stupid, childish, and he had offered an alternative.

For weeks I refused him. The weeks grew longer and half a year went by but still I rejected his offer. So how did it come to this? He's undone my pants now, and he's waiting for me to kick them off. I do, but slowly, so he has to wait—I can tell it's nearly unbearable for him and I wonder how long it would have been until he ripped them off himself. With my pants removed, he crawls on his knees until he's sitting on my lap, his face close to mine. He kisses my neck, his tongue making whorl patterns on my skin, and I moan, missing her.

He presses himself against me and I can't stop the gasp that escapes my lips. He's smiling in my ear now. He knows what I need, he says, licking my jaw. The room is dark and so dim that I'm surprised I can even see him, let alone his face. How can I do this? Betray her? But then—I think as he descends on my neck again, this time with his teeth—Hasn't she done the same? Perhaps, but I still hadn't meant it to be like this. We had been talking as he smoked, and suddenly I didn't care anymore. Suddenly, I just wanted everything to change, to melt, to burn and die like the cigarette dangling from his lips. Then I had kissed him. That was three weeks ago.

I'm gasping now, hard and panting to keep from screaming as I grab at his back and claw at his skin, writhing beneath his touch. He smiles because he knows I'm breaking, that I'm losing the fight to keep my fidelity. Tears sting my eyes as he lowers himself and he takes me into his mouth, stroking me. I look past him, to the ceiling, and beg for forgiveness as I clutch at his hair now—I release with a strangled cry. He sits back a little, smiling as he wipes his face clean, knowing that he's won, and I shudder. I pull his face to mine and press our lips together, forcing my tongue inside his mouth. He tastes like smoke and ash and I pray that I will die.

And something in me does die as I fade out like the burning embers of a cigarette.


A/N: Wow. That's kind of dark, and the closest thing to smut that I've ever posted—I'm blushing and I'm sure it was horrible. Sorry for wasting your time with that. Kudos to anyone who can correctly guess the mystery man seducing our dear Tori-kun! Please, review!