Title: The Exorcism of Dean's Baby
Author: jakisbishlygay
Characters: Dean, Sam, and Dean's baby.
Rating: PG-13 (err, I think. Dean does have a naughty mouth.)
Spoilers: 1.16 Shadow, and If you saw 1.22 Devil's Trap you will see the humor in Technicolor.
Summary: Dean is going to kill Meg for doing this to his baby.
Beta: Alas, no beta. So if you find errors in this, know that they are mine and I would love to fix them, so tell me if you find some (and you will).
Feedback: Good, bad, just make it constructive. :)
Authors notes: I've been out of the writing thing for a few months now and decided that I need prompts to get me back into it, greenwing gave me exorcism. The rest of my notes are at the end so as not to give away the crackness of this.

The Exorcism of Dean's Baby

"Regna terrae, cantate deo, psallite domino..."

Dean shifts uncomfortably on his perch on a nearby fallen tree, watching Sam.

"tribuite virtutem deo."

Chewing on his lip, Dean tries to remain silent while his brother speaks.

"Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incuriso infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, onmis congregatio et secta diabolica..."

Dean watches in horror as his precious Metallicar tries in vain to get away, only to be snapped back into position by twenty or so the heavy chains that bind it to large boulders and tree's that will never budge.

"Ergo..." says Sam.

"Oh god! Oh god! I'm so going to kill that bitch Meg for this..." Dean is no longer able to sit and begins to pace the abandoned highway and curses Meg, the Demon, and Chevy's inability to not put protective wards in their carberators and camshafts.

Sam ignores him with a roll of his eyes and keeps reading. "Perditionis venenum propinare. Vade, satana, inventor et magister omnis fallaciae."

Sam stops and moves to a safer position near Dean as one of the fallen tree branches that have taken flight is suddenly coming towards his head at full velocity.

"Hostis humanae salutis. Humiliare sub potenti manu dei. Contremisce et effuge. Invocato a nobis sancto et terribile nomine. Quem inferi tremunt..."

Dean winces as the Impala's engines rev, wishing desperately that his baby would shift so she doesn't hurt herself.

Apparently just wishing for it isn't enough; "Shift baby, come on, shift for me baby! Meg, I am going to kill you!" Dean stops as Sam strokes his hairline at the base of his neck, calming him.

"Ab insidis diaboli, libera nos, domine. Ut ecclesiam tuam secura tibi facias, libertate servire, te rogamus, audi nos." Sam continues, watching as the car slides from left to right, leaving thick marks of rubber on the highway.

Desperately trying to ignore his brothers pleas to his precious car about new tires, Sam continues: "Ut inimicos sanctae ecclesiae humiliare digneris, to rogamus audi."

Metallicar's headlights dim and the highway turns silent.

Dean, near tears, huddles behind Sam's tall figure and fists the material of his blue hoodie. Silent.

"Dominicos sanctae ecclesiae, terogamus audi nos, terribilis deus do sanctuario suo deus israhel. Ipse tribuite virtutem et fortitudinem plebi suae, benedictus deus, gloria patri..."

Metallicar's hood flys open as her engines rev at an alarming volume, black smoke pours up out of her engine and dives into the ground.

Metallicar is silent but for a small whine of her engine.

"Shh baby, it's ok. You're ok now" says Dean as he strokes her drivers side door frame, moving closer to her hood so he can inspect the damage.

Sam, whom had been determined to keep his voice calm and strong during the exorcism for his brothers sake, no longer felt the need to punish himself any longer as he fell to the ground with back-breaking laughter.

Dean, completely oblivious to his brothers laughter, continues to stroke Metallicar's frame as he closes her hood and speaks calming words to her.

"Shh, baby, it's ok. You're going to be fine." Dean moves into the drivers seat, stroking her dashboard. "Baby, what would make you feel better, Metallica, AC/DC... I know, you want Zeppelin, don't you hun? And you know what? When we find that demon and his bitch Meg, your going to be the one to drive over them until theres no more rubber on your precious tires... Oh crap! How the hell am I going to get you new tires in the middle of nowhere?!"

Sam's laughter could be heard from miles away.