A/N I just realized I was very unclear about this…that was only the first part,
there are more letters! Duh…I'm thick. :o) Thanks for all the lovely reviews, and I
hope you enjoy this installment! There's only one more chapter after this, though.




Spike,

Fine. You aren't going to tell me, and I respect that. But at least tell me
this…what's your natural hair colour?

Buffy

*****

Slayer,

Now you're the one who's drunk.

Spike
P.S. Blondey-Browny.

*****

Spike,

I wasn't drunk, I just wanted to know. In case you ever decide to drop the whole
punk look, and I have to spot you in a crowd. To kill you, naturally.

This...isn't a good time…in my life. It's all cracking up…the others know about
Dawn, and I want you to pass this on to Angel and the rest.

Dawn isn't human. Well, she is human now, but she didn't used to be. She was a
being of pure energy…the Key. Glory wants her.

It's just so strange...I have all these memories of her being my sister…and none
of them are real…

What do you remember?

Buffy

P.S. Just in case you forget, I still hate you.

*****

Slayer,

This is going to make me sound like a real wanker…but if it helps you…

I remember that the first time I saw Dawn was the first time I fought you. She was
screaming and I thought it was funny. But I didn't really concentrate on her, she
was just background noise. All I could see was you.

That was a long time ago, wasn't it, pet? Seem to remember I nearly killed
you…wish I had. Would've saved a whole lot of trouble for me later on.

I don't think we should write to each other anymore. I'm starting to sound like the
Great White Poof himself.

Spike

*****

Spike,

Fine by me. This is the last letter coming your way. I'm glad, because your
handwriting's muchos crappos, and it hurts my eyes when I try and read it.

Buffy

P.S. It was a long time ago. And it was the only time I was actually scared of you.

*****

Slayer,

That's a lie! There must have been other times…I'm terrifying! I strike fear into
the hearts of grown men!

Spike

*****

Spike,

Reasons why you are SO not scary -

1) You look like an average human, most of the time. Apart from the whole hair
color thing.
2) You quip while you fight…not terrifying quips.
3) I can totally kick your butt…blindfolded.

Buffy

*****

Slayer,

Reasons why your reasons are WRONG -

1) I used to drive railroad spikes through people's heads.
2) I can say disturbing things when I feel like it.
3) I smoke.

Spike

P.S. You can't spell colour. It's got a 'u', idiot.

*****

Spike,

Oooooh, the scary vampire and his spelling classes. Anyway, I have found the
ultimate reason why you aren't scary! I went and did my research like a good little
girl. I found out two very important things. One, that when you told my you were
always bad, you lied.

Two…you used to be a poet! A bad poet!

Now it's official. I will never be scared of you ever again.

Buffy

*****

Slayer,

Your eyes are like tea bags,
Your hair smells like urine
Your fingers like old fags
Every night you keep snoring.

I think that your nose
Is an unsightly blob.
I think that your toes
Resemble a frog's.

Your teeth have turned yellow,
Your legs are all stringy
Your voice is a bellow,
We all cringe when you sing-ey.

You aren't…effulgent.

Spike


*****

Spike,

I take back completely what I said about how you used to be a bad poet. You still
are a bad poet. And what kind of word is effulgent? You know these letters are
actually educational…first off you've got me doing Slayer study about you, now
I'm gonna have to search through the dictionary….

I'm glad you sent me that poem. It made me laugh…something that doesn't
happen very much now. I think it's all going to come to a head real soon. Glory
seems to be stepping up the campaign. If she had a slogan, it'd be 'Kill Kill Kill'.
You and her would get on well.

This is easier to write than say…I'm scared and I'm worried. There! I wrote it.
And it's the truth. I have to be strong all the time now, for everybody, and it's
really hard. What if I'm not good enough? What if she kills me? I can't show what
I'm really thinking or feeling...if Riley was here then maybe he could help, but
he's gone and…

You really don't want to hear me talk about Riley. I'm treating this letter like a
diary entry! Just screw it up and ignore it.

Remind me why I'm writing to you again?

Buffy

*****

Buffy,

Please don't get mad, but Spike showed me your last letter to him. I just want
you to know that if you want me to come down there and help out, I always will.
And I think you're probably writing to Spike because he's a break from your
everyday life. Just an idea.

By the way, effulgent means radiant, resplendent, dazzling, bright…everything
that you are.

Angel

*****

Angel,

Thanks for the offer, but from what I hear, you've got your own problems…for
example Darla. Don't worry about me, really. I'll be fine.

Thanks for the vocabulary update.

Buffy

*****

Slayer,

You haven't written for a while. Thought you might be dead, then I realised it was
my turn. To answer your questions, you are good enough and the stupid bitch
won't kill you. You're writing to me because I'm witty and dare devilishly
handsome. Now answer my questions.

What do you write in your diary? Anything about me?

Spike

*****

Spike,

That question is way too personal. I refuse to answer it. And as for effulgent? I
looked it up. If I'm not effulgent, then you're not vexatious.

Touché, ma…definitely not cher. In more ways than one.

Buffy

*****

Spike,

Hi...this is Dawn. I just read that letter you sent to Buffy…so as a little sister, I
decided it was my job to answer your questions.

1) What does Buffy write in her diary?

Way boring stuff. It's either really soppy or about stupid slaying etc. she sticks in
pictures as well. There's one of Angel that she ripped up then stuck back
together again, which tells you a lot about her mental health. Definitely unstable.

2) Does she write about you?

Yep, you're in there. There's a picture of you on the page that she's cut out from
some book and stuck on the page where she says about how she first met
you…don't get flattered Blondie. She's done it for most of the evil things that
stuck around long enough. I've copied out a few select passages…

'There's a new vampire in town. He calls himself Spike…of all the stupid
names…and then he called me a 'cutie'…which was kind of a compliment, but he
made it sound like…I don't know. Anyway, he's kinda cute, but definitely grossly
evil and way annoying. It's hate at first sight. Angel was so sweet about it…'

Blah blah blah about Angel. Here's the next good bit.

'Spike is back here again! Once, twice three times a loser…he's currently unable
to bite anyone…god, I thought I'd die laughing! Tied up in Giles' bathtub, drinking
blood through a Mickey Mouse straw…'

And more…

'S is so shallow. He actually thought that him not drinking from half dead injured
people would win him credit! Why he'd want credit, I have no idea. Also, his roots
are showing. Not very much, about a half an inch.'

Talk about shallow…finally…and this was news to me…

'Oh my god, he's in love with me. He just kinda blurted it out. And I froze…I didn't
know what to do for a minute. Then I…laughed. I couldn't believe it, and then I
got really angry and I told him to leave, to stop messing around with me. He left,
and he hasn't come back yet. Every other time I told him to go, he's come back.
S is like some kind of evil boomerang…I guess now he's a broken boomerang.'

Hope that answered all your questions.

Luv Dawn

******

Slayer,

Vexatious means annoying. I think it's a perfect description of you. What's
happening with the god? Things are getting pretty heated here. PoofMaster 2000
has gone into overdrive, while the others just sit around. I went to see that Faith
girl today…she's still in jail. She asked after you. Wants to know if you're okay. I
said that you were.

Was I right?

******

Spike,

Don't call Angel a PoofMaster 2000…while amusing, it isn't nice.

I'm not okay. It's getting closer now...the final battle. The last showdown. I don't
want to go into details, but we've got a plan. I'm obviously playing a main part.

I wish sometimes that this was all a dream…or a nightmare. Things are getting
worse. Glory's controlling a huge amount of demons…they're watching me all the
time. I don't know if this letter will reach you...and oh my god, I sound like some
kind of heroine in a bad romance novel.

Buffy

******

Slayer,

A romance novel were the two main characters hate each other? I don't think so.
I haven't seen the PM2000 and Co for a little while…don't know if they've killed
Darla or not. Don't care. I'm feeling a bit depressed. I have no purpose…used to
be my purpose was to kill you, then my purpose was to hate you, then my
purpose was to make you like me, and now my purpose is to write stupid letters.

It's a shitty purpose.

I have a serious question for you now…do you want me to come back? I could
try and help.

Spike

******

Spike,

I don't think you should come back.

I don't think you need to.

You told me I was good enough and that the bitch wouldn't kill me…I have to try
and believe you. How are you going to help? You've only ever gotten in the
way…and I have my friends, my family, all the people who I care about with me
in Sunnydale.

I don't need one extra person to look out for.

Buffy

******
Slayer,

I didn't mean to get in the way. Any time I got in the way, I was trying to help.
Surely it doesn't bloody matter if I succeed or not, as long as I try?

Like you said, all the people you care about are with you. I'm happy for you. Must
be nice to have everyone you care about there. Don't understand why they care
about you. You're an ungrateful little bitch. Remind me to never go out of my way
for you or anyone else again, alright? Because they just throw it back in your
face.

I've bought a ticket back to England. I'm leaving in a couple of weeks.

Spike

******

Spike,

Before you go to England, answer my last question. When you said you loved
me…did you mean it? Or were you messing with my head, for the umpteenth
time?

Buffy

******
Slayer,

The truth? It was all a bit of a joke. I wanted to see if you'd shag me…you
jumped into bed with that other pillock quick enough. Sorry to get your hopes up.

Spike

******

Spike,
Nice to know you cared. I thought you were changing…guess you really fooled
us all. Bet you're really proud of yourself.

Have a great time in England. It isn't like I needed to talk to you anyway. Like I
said, I've got my diary…I may not have a shoulder to cry on, but I don't need one.
I'm strong enough. I'm good enough.

The Slayer

******

Spike,

I knew you couldn't really love her. You're deserting her when she needs you
most. For the past few months you've been a…I don't really know what you've
been. All I know is that you're running away, again.

You disgust me. Think about it.

Angel