A/n: Chaos Raider Tenshi gave me a very specific challenge fic. These are the terms:

No. of Words: 758

Characters it must include: Itachi

Keywords to include more than once: Drag queen

Style: Humorous

Words it must include: Poobly (don't ask)

Harp seal

Hormones

Songs to include: THE WOMAN SONG (by Bob and Tom)


ITACHI, THE GAYLORD'S DRAG QUEEN!

Itachi looked shiftily around. Once the coast was clear, he made a break for one of the few storage rooms in the Akatsuki HQ. Inside this room there was a few robes and a couple of million of those weird hats. Itachi looked the door and sat himself in a dark corner… with his torch.
"Aha! So this IS the box where Kisame kept my drag photos!" Itachi squealed triumphantly. He took out the first photo, which was him being named "Miss Akatsuki Drag Queen" in his harp seal fur coat. He blinked.
"I still have that coat around here somewhere!"
Then he took out the photo (which was still attached to part of an album) which was of him and some guy… what was his name…
"Poobly, the drag queen from Mist!" Itachi snapped his fingers, mentally praising himself for being so good with names.
Suddenly, he felt a rising in his pants…
"STUPID HORMONES!" Itachi screamed, loudly enough that anyone who was within a five mile radius would've stepped back in shock. Sadly, the whole of Akatsuki HQ was only five miles everyway around that very storage room.
"What the f---?" Kisame yelled from the bathroom. I don't want to know why he was in there, so let us continue!

Itachi got up to leave, when he realized he couldn't open the door.
He screamed like a girl and then proceeded to cuss at the door's manufacturer (as you do…).
"That manufacturer will never manufacture things again once I'm finished with him!" Itachi did a stupid, almost Gai-worthy, pose. Then he remembered that he, Itachi, was a drag queen, so he made his stance more delicate and feminine. Only to look like Mrs. Gai…

"I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and gay!" Kisame sang from the bathroom, but that's enough about him, back to Itachi who was stuck in the closet and couldn't come out (A/n: You could take that one or two ways ; ) …)

Itachi yelled in frustration as he tried to re-tie his shoe, only then realizing it was snake, which he hastily let go of.
"I am woman hear me roar, if you don't open my door!" Itachi yelled/sang to the people in the hall.
"I can do anything a man can do, but I don't have to! Oh the female sex has a lot more class, unless we're looking at a male stripper's ass! I'm a twenty-first century gal, but I can't set my VCR…"
"Well I am not your hooker, but you're still gonna pay! Coz sex is a special thing, and a darn good weapon! Because my body belongs to me, until I get dinner and a movie! I don't sleep around, until I do a credit check!"
"And I have a mind of my own, which I change every two seconds! And I'm not afraid to ask for directions, because I can't fold a map!"

Kisame, who was out of the shower now noticed that not once, in the whole yelling/singing thing had Itachi lied. On their way to take control of Konoha Itachi had asked for directions five times… and Kisame thought Itachi had lived there…

"And I stand behind my man, so I can nag him as much as I can, and I can fight in combat, but I can't kill a spider!"

That, sadly, was also true. That spider-freak-dude that was one of Orochimaru's hench-guys? Itachi couldn't kill him coz he looked too much like a freaking spider.

"And I never tell a lie, but I will fake an orgasm! Because I'm the real mccoy, except for my boobs and my face! And I don't take drugs, and I don't drink booze, but I am addicted to buying shoes-"

That was true too. On the way to Konoha, fifty shoe store shops…

"And I'm very proud of my age, which is none of your freaking business!"

Kisame cowered in fear. Itachi was singing a song about himself.
The same one he had done at his last Drag Queen contest…

"Shit…" said Kisame, as he walked off to discuss Itachi's identity crisis with Deidara. He didn't even think about opening the door for dear, sweet, Ita-kun.

Poor guy, who still won't come out of the closet…

Orochimaru wandered around his HQ, looking for Kabuto. In his last Drag Queen contest, some guy named Itachi had beaten him to the crown. Now he needed to win the next pageant his own way…


A/n: I did it! Go me! Hope you like, please review! And to Chaos Raider Tenshi, we really need to get back to work on NARUTO: THE MUSICAL!