Sirius Buys a Kitten
"Sirius, what the hell is that?"
Sirius looked at James with complete and utter confusion spread across his face. (Sirius usually looked confused, but this was an exception for today he was looking utterly confused!)
That! In your hand!"
Oh! That's just my kitty!"
"Kitty! Yeah! And isn't it the most cutest witto ickly-wickly kitty you've ever seen!?"
Sirius squeezed the bundle of fluffy goodness tight to his chest, making its eyes bulge slightly! James noticed this so lunged forward and snatched the tiny kitten out of Sirius' arms!
"Maybe I should hold it for a while, Padfoot!" then dropped his voice to a dull murmur, "Before you kill it!"
James gazed down at the small cat. It looked back through bright green eyes. Thos eyes looked so loving, so gentle, so inviting, so…
James had poked it in the eye! The cat started hissing and spitting madly! Arching its back so that it was nearly three times its original height! It raised a huge paw complete with four gigantic talons and slashed at James' arm! Blood spurted everywhere! Covering the floor with its mass of red –
"You're doing it again?"
"Being over dramatic! It freaks me out! Stop it!"
"Now where's my shitty – I…I mean kitty!?"
"Um…Padfoot. Now don't yell at me but…when your kitty scratched me…I kind of dropped it and it, um…landed on the floor!"
"LOOK PADFOOT LOOK! I SQUISHED YOUR KITTY OK? I'M SORRY! IT FELL ON THE FLOOR AND GOT SQUISHED FLAT!"
"I'm sorry. We'll get you another pet ok? I'll even buy it!"
"No Padfoot. No kitty."
"You've gotta be KIDDING me!"
"Um…sure yeah! Simple and easy."
That very afternoon, James and Sirius set off to Hogsmeade to buy Sirius a 'fishy'! When they got back to the dormitory, Remus was waiting for them.
"Look at my new fishy Remus!"
"Oh. But didn't you just buy a cat?"
"Kitty died! Prongs smushed him!"
"So I bought him a fishy!"
"I see. But Padfoot, don't fish need water?"
"He'll get his dinner the same time as the rest of us!"
"No! I mean they need to live in water!"
"HERE!" shouted James, running out of the bathroom carrying a basin of freezing cold water. He then tipped it right over Sirius' head!
"AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!" he screamed "Cold! Oh no!"
"I think I've drowned my fishy!"