Disclaimer: not mine. Rating: er. 13, THERE IS BIOLOGY HERE.
Pairing: Frak it. If you can't see it after the first five lines, there's no hope for you.
Notes: Blame goes to SebaceanBabe, Musicforcylons, and Meyerlemon Summary: Lee Adama has been to hell and back, and now it's getting worse.
Length: er. 600+

i hear violins
by ALC Punk! (aka Fandom's Bitch)

"I'm pregnant," she says.

And Lee sits down with a thump. He's not having the best day, sadly. Lee Adama has been to hell and back, and now it's getting worse. "You can't be serious."

"Lee." A smile touches her lips. "You want a baby?"

"No--yes, I--" He flailed. Lee Adama flailed in the face of danger. His brother would have mocked him.

His brother wasn't facing Ellen Tigh in pink chiffon with a knowing glint in her eyes. "You don't want the product of our love, Lee?" She almost managed a little sob on the end.

"I didn't--" What the frak was he saying? Of course he didn't want a child. Bad enough he'd had a drunken one-night stand with Ellen Tigh while Kara ran off with Baltar. Worse that apparently, his protection measures had failed him. Worse still would be facing his father. Dear gods, he didn't want to face his father.

"Yes, you did," the tear might have been real this time. "You don't want a child with me."

And that wasn't even considering what Colonel Tigh would do to him. String him up by his balls? Accidentally lose him out an airlock?

"I'm sorry, I just don't see how it could work." Play it safe, Adama.

That could go on his gravestone.

If he'd have a gravestone. If the entire fleet didn't just disown him for making a stupid mistake.

Ellen sniffled again, then sighed. "Then it's all for nothing, then? The night we spent?"

"Well, no, but--" Okay, here, Lee decided, as she sniffled again, was where he'd gone wrong the first time. Be firm, his mother used to tell him. Don't lie. "Look, Mrs. Tigh. The night--it was a mistake. A stupid, sad, mistake. This child is also a mistake. I know I have no say in the matter, but I really--"

"Our child could be a gift from the gods."

No. No it could't. It really couldn't. "Look, Mrs. Tigh--"

"Call me Ellen."

"Mrs. Tigh," he said firmly.

"You couldn't even remember to call me Ellen when you were frakking me." Her demeanor changed slightly, something sly peeking out of her eyes. "What was it you whimpered? Ah, yes. 'Sharon'."

Actually, it had been--but Lee wasn't going to think of that. After all, he wasn't planning on thinking about it ever again. And if Ellen Tigh knew what was good for her--he straightened. "Mrs. Tigh. We're straying from the subject. You're pregnant. Are you sure the child's mine?"

"Calling me a slut, Captain Adama?"

Yes. "Not exactly, no, but--"

"But you doubt the child is yours." Ellen sighed. "Men."

Finally impatient, Lee crossed his arms, "For all I know that child is Colonel Tigh's, and you're just trying to set me up."

Something flickered across her face for a moment, then was gone. "So suspicious."

"I can't help it. Around you."

"Mmm." Her lips twisted, "You're learning, Captain." Ellen straightened and shrugged. "The child is yours. I'll get rid of it, of course. I can't afford the sort of problems it will cause." She tilted her head at him, "Still, it is a pity..."

Relief. "Good. That's..." It occurred to Lee that he should be sad.

"Don't worry, Captain. Your reputation won't be tarnished." A twisted smile took her lips.

"I..." He did feel sad, then. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

But he can't help but be sorry as she walks away from him. This is what his life has amounted to. Impregnating washed-up socialites after the world has ended. Lee stands there for a moment, then heads off to find Tyrol. The Chief has a stash of alcohol somewhere, and he definitely needs it.

-f-