See Into Me

Catheryne

Part 1 Fix You

iWhen you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
/i

She looked up into the rearview mirror and blinked several times, then reached into her purse for a silvery green liner that complemented her eyes. She wiped a semicircle under her lower lashes. Her hair confused her. It had for sometime now. She opened the glove compartment and took a pin, then pulled up the hair into a bun at her nape. After retouching her lipgloss, she stepped out of the car and walked to the Daily Planet building with her purse and a box in her arms.

iAnd the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace /i

"Welcome to the Planet, Ms Lane," were the first words she heard from the security guard, who smiled and nodded at her, obviously informed by the one man inside she knew would be warm. She shuddered to think of the reaction she would get from the other one she knew.

She took a deep breath the moment she reached the pit. It was busy and everyone minded his own business of hurrying to the copier, passing paper along, cropping photographs. All her life she had dreamed of walking into the place in the capacity she was doing so now. She never thought it would be at the expense of someone she loved so much.

Her eyes fell onto the table filled with flowers. Red roses. Safe choice. Uninteresting and generic, she thought. If it was from Clark, she should be grateful. After everything, she didn't deserve a shaving from a thorn. She walked over to the desk that held the name, "LOIS LANE." She was going to be using this area then.

iLights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you/i

She reached for the single white card from one of the bouquets, and realized she was only dreaming when she supposed it could be from Clark Kent.

"Welcome back. Come to dinner with me. Lex Luthor," she read.

A twinge in her heart passed very quickly, then she crumpled the card. There was a trash bin under her table. Quickly, she bent down and tossed the offending scrap into it.iTears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I /i

She took the very first item outside her cardboard box and stared at the photograph for several minutes. They were happy then. In it, she stared at her grinning cousin when their lives were as close to simple as they could be. They would have been a study of contrasts physically. They had such different goals in life, so many different dreams. Life threw curveballs and even suicide bombers along the way. In the end, it could turn out to be the direct opposite of all your plans.

Or it could give you everything you deserved.

iTears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes /i

"Lois Lane!" a huge male voice exclaimed.

She placed the picture frame on the desk, right under the fluorescent shade created by the roses. Happy Chloe and Lois beamed from the wooden borders. She turned to face the editor, who had prepared her arrival.

"Perry!" she greeted. The older man went over to her and embraced her warmly. "Thank you so much for all this."

Perry White shook his head and patted her on the back. His eyes fell to the photo, then back at her. "Chloe Sullivan reminded me of the journalist I used to be when she was sixteen years old. Why do you think I dropped the sci fi monster crap and turned to real news? What's a place for her cousin on my staff?"

The footsteps she heard next were so familiar that she froze. Slowly, she turned her head and saw Clark Kent heading towards them—stalking as if he smelled prey. He stopped short and said in a low voice, "You're not Lois Lane."

"Clark," she choked out.

iTears stream down your face
And I /i

"Everyone," Perry yelled, calling the attention of the newsmen and women in the pit, "I present to you the young woman who broke one of the most controversial international stories to hit the news this century—the Lipaztan government's genocide of the native inhabitants of its desert regions."

"Perry, it wasn't just my—" she started.

"Chloe Sullivan and Lois Lane traveled to Eastern Europe to uncover the crime, and it cost them. A few feet before they crossed the border out of hostile territory they were met by a suicide bomber car. One of them didn't survive and the other spent more than four month in the hospital recovering from the disfiguring incident. She stands before you now as one of our star reporters and a hero. Welcome her to the Daily Planet."

The words coming from Perry's mouth reminded her of the anguish of the deafening explosion, the burning pain, and the realization that she was going to die in another continent.

Soon enough, she realized that every single person in the office was applauding her.

Except for Clark Kent.

iLights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you./i

One by one, as everyone returned to their jobs, and Perry assured her that she could come to him at any time, she settled back in her seat. Clark bent to whisper into her ear, "I know what you did, Lois. Everyone else can think you're this hotshot reporter ready to save the world but I know who you really are."

"And what is that, Clark?" she asked.

"You're not who they think you are. You're taking over everything Chloe was. You didn't even know where Lipaztan was before the day you left. You never cared about journalism. I know why you're here." She closed her eyes. "You killed her, Lois. Now you're trying to make up for it by living her life."

She turned to glare at him. "I'm keeping her alive, Clark."

"How? You went there and you screwed it up, Lois. She'd be alive if it wasn't for you."

"She's alive in me, Clark. Someday you'll realize that."

As he looked at her, she saw the exact moment when it registered inside him. His brows cleared and his fury was replaced with disgust. "They told me about it, and I almost forgot. You have her eyes." She noted the way his throat worked, as if he was trying to swallow the bile that rose. "When you screwed up and sent that cell signal, and they knew where to attack you, the glass killed her and blinded you."

"I was hurt as much as she was," she defended. "Stop acting like I'm the reason she's gone."

"You are." Clark straightened and walked over to the other desk, then sat down. "Isn't this nice, Lois? Perry made us partners."

She shook her head and took out her notebooks and pens from her box, placing them neatly on the table. The phone beside her rang. She picked it up.

"This is Lois," she answered.

"Got my invite?" the voice on the other line rumbled.

"I don't want to see you."

"You owe me."

"I'll give you the money back."

"This is so much more than money, Lois. I sent you to get her, not kill her."

"Stop it," she hissed. "Can everyone just stop saying that!"

"Sooner or later, you're going to have to see me," Lex replied.

"I have nothing more to say to you," she answered, then replaced the phone on the handle.

She felt the steady gaze, and it made her uncomfortable. She looked up and saw Clark Kent staring at her. "Who was it?" he asked lazily.

She stared back at him, and they were Chloe's eyes, and Chloe's eyes in turn made him tense. He didn't like Chloe's eyes looking at him from an unfamiliar face. "We all have our secrets, don't we, Clark?"

tbc