A/N: so this is my first EVER thunderbirds story. so go easy on me. this is my AU take on what could have really gone down in Jeff's office when he called Alan in. it is kind of all over the place, but it was just an idea i got one day while driving, and it really just wouldn't let me alone until i did something about it. so here it is, short and sweet. so read and enjoy!!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Thunderbirds or the lovely Tracy clan. but oh, if wishes were horses...

Grow Up

"It's time for you to grow up Alan."

"Then let me, for fucks sake!!!" He turned to walk out of the office door when his fathers voice stopped him.

"What did you say to me?"

Alan turned back around. His father was glaring daggers in his direction, and as he met his gaze, all of the anger and resentment that he had kept bottled up inside came to the surface.

"If you ever want me to grow up then let me." Even as he said it, he knew how bitter his voice sounded, but at this point he didn't care.

"I don't like your tone of voice, and I don't like where this conversation is going. I have given you everything that you've ever wanted, except permission to start official Thunderbird training. You're not ready to handle those machines!!"

"Not ready? Are you kidding me? I probably know those machines inside and out better than you do! I've been watching my brothers go out on missions and hearing about rescues for my entire life! I review the schematics and keep myself up-to-date on all of the changes that Brains makes to each and every bird! Every night! I uploaded the islands training sims onto my computer so that in my spare time, I could keep my skills sharp. For years, dad, years, I have been trying to show you that I'm ready for this. So you stand there, dad, and tell me again why you think I can't handle it."

"Do not raise your voice with me! I am your father! I care about you! I want to keep you safe!"

"You're my father, and you care about me? You don't care about me! If you cared about me you would have been there for me at one point in my life! When was the last time you came to a family day at school? When was the last time you picked me up for summer break? Where were you when I was in the school play, or won the 6th grade spelling bee? When was the last time you actually attended anything yourself instead of sending one of my brothers, or one of your flunkies instead? Oh that's right, when you have to pay for something. Like the fire in the chemistry lab. Or when I almost got expelled for fighting. That's your solution for everything dad. To throw money at it. And I am tired of being bought."

The last sentence was quiet, pained. He turned around to leave once again.

"Alan, don't you dare walk out that door! We are not finished here. I don't like what I'm being accused of! You know the responsibilities that I have to I.R."

Alan didn't walk out the door, but he hadn't yet turned around to face his father. "You lied, you know."

"Excuse me?" It had been said so softly that Jeff didn't even know if he had heard anything at all.

Alan turned around then, his eyes wet with tears that would fall any moment. "Before, when you said that only thing that you never gave me was permission to start training. You lied. I have never had your approval. I have never been given your time. You have always put this organization before me. I'm your son, dad, and I feel like complete strangers spend more quality time with you then I do." The anger was coming back. "So lets examine the real reason why you don't let me join I.R., or why you can hardly look at me, or why all you ever do is yell at me or compare me to my brothers. Because it's painful. Because it's not so much that I'm a liability to I.R.. No. It's because you don't want to have to go through possibly loosing her twice. I know what you think about every time you look at me. Because I look like her. I look like the one person that you couldn't save."


Alan slowly turned his head back towards his father, holding his face where his father had hit him. "Don't punish me for something I had no control over." With that he started walking away, but stopped as he reached the door. "And it seems like I'm not the only one that needs to grow up around here."

alright, please review!!