011

Teardrops


Not even Riku Karada, Sora's best friend, knew that Sora liked to sing. No one knew that Sora, in fact, loved country and all those mushy, heartbreaking songs. Sora kept it to himself. The brunet would rather worship the music and sing in the privacy of himself. Sometimes the songs would be perky, but mostly they were gorgeously constructed ballads that demonstrated the true potential of the heart—how dangerous it can be to another's.

The funny part was that every time the sixteen year old brunet would sing, it would always be about a certain silver-haired boy that he couldn't keep off his mind. When Sora sang, he completely forgot how flirtatious and cruel his best friend could be. Of course, the silveret would never intentionally flirt with him—it was always with beautiful looking girls that giggled and blushed when he said something smooth to them. It was never, 'you look beautiful today, Sora.' It was always, 'you're blushing'. Or perhaps, 'someone's all dreamy looking today. What's the occasion?'

Sora did not blame Riku, though. It was not Riku's fault that Sora was not gorgeous or dream inducing. It also was not Riku's fault that Sora had fallen quite hard over the boy. Sora kept it all to himself because really, who would want to ruin a friendship with someone as dreamy as Riku? Just being Riku's friend and being near him was enough. It had always been enough… for five years.

Sora never showed signs of enamor or depression. Sora was always optimistic. Only times when he sang, did he realize how badly his heart was aching. He tried to suppress the hurt—really, he did. Yet, the only relief he could find it, to make the metaphoric pain ease, was to sing about just how badly he adored his best friend.

Sora was currently in his basement—it was a finished basement and sported two couches, a television, a large table, carpet, and a karaoke machine that no one in Sora's household knew was still used. Only Sora used it. Not even his older sister used the thing.

The brunet rested his thin hip against the machine and gently untangled the microphone. A small blush danced onto Sora's cheek as he ran his nimble fingers along the black cord. What would it feel like to be a real singer? To have others listen to your heartfelt confessions? Sora sighed to himself as he flicked the button on the microphone to the 'on' position.

Drearily, Sora turned the entire machine on and dismally clicked the play button and then to track number three. Today he felt particularly in the mood for this song. Why? Just because it would ease the hurt.

His mother and sister wouldn't be home until four—he had two hours to sing his little heart out in the privacy of his basement, and damn did it feel good.

The familiar chords of a acoustic guitar began to sound. The voice was cut out from the track, however, allowing Sora to fill it in. The lyrics scrolled across the TV but Sora ignored it. Instead of reading them off, Sora closed his eyes and began to quietly sing.

"He looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see. That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be. I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about. And she's got everything that I have to live without. He talks to me, I laugh cause it's so funny, that I can't even see anyone when he's with me, he says he's so in love, he's finally got it right, I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night…" Sora waited for the next verse as an inadvertent tear slipped from his closed cerulean eyes.

"He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar. The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star. He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do. He walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe? And there he goes, so perfectly, the kind of flawless I wish I could be, She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love. Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause…" Sora gripped the microphone tighter as he swayed a bit on the balls of his feet.

It hurt. Love hurt so much and he forced himself to hide it. Sora choked on his words as he forced himself to continue the song, regardless of how awkward it felt to have tears dribbling down his tanned cheek. Life was so damn unfair.

"So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light. 'll put his picture down and maybe , get some sleep tonight… He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar, the only one who's got enough of me to break my heart, he's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do, he's the time taken up, but there's never enough, And he's all that I need to fall into.."

Sora began shaking violently and forced himself to grit his teeth and force the last words out, "He looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see…"

Sora shivered and dropped the microphone onto the ground, his breathing escalating. "I…love you so damn…much, Riku," he whimpered painfully, feeling every single chamber of his heart ache.

Best friends till the end, right? How Sora wished it was more. How he wished to have one chance with the god-like boy. How he wished for five years of yearning to actually be worth something in the end.

Sora choked on his sobs when he felt a cool hand slip around his wrist. And then a second hand curled around his other wrist. The brunet tensed violently in the stranger's hold, feeling his heartbeat increase as he kept his eyes closed, too afraid that whoever was here would see his tears—even though it was quite obvious from his tear-soaked cheeks.

His sister was going to laugh at him. His mother was going to ask when he started liking Riku. Which was worse?... Sora didn't know.

"Sora," came the beautifully spoken word as fingers reassuringly squeezed his wrist. "Babe…I …didn't know," whispered the calming voice that could send anyone into a frenzy of emotions.

Sora didn't answer. When he didn't, a petal-like kiss slid onto his salty lips, making him tense and then relax. The brunet shivered a bit, his hands shaking wildly in the other boy's grasps. A strangled sob slipped between his lips as he pressed back into the kiss. "Please…please don't tease me."

The kiss ended as quick as it came. "Why would I tease you?"

Sora jerked his head to the right, refusing the second kiss. "Because you don't love me, you jerk… And now you just… heard all of that and I really don't want to be ridiculed by you, thank you." And he was only yelling because for some reason he thought it'd feel better.

"Sora…why do you think I'd do something like that?" asked Riku, his dexterous fingers keeping their grip tight around Sora's skinny wrists.

"Because you're just like every other guy, Riku! You don't care that someone loves you! You just care if you like them back!" Sora snapped and felt the tears falling again. "And…if you think for one minute that I'm…gonna… that I'm gonna let you use me, you're wrong. I love you too much to be used by you and tossed around…" Sora didn't even know why he was talking anymore.

"Sora, please, calm down," urged the silveret, hearing the same song beginning again. And for some reason it calmed Sora down, as he had wanted.

"Why can't you like me?" the brunet wondered, trembling all the while.

"Because," Riku stated sternly, holding Sora's wrists with everything that flirtatious boy had. "I can't like you because I try my best to hide that I love you."

Sora felt like throwing up at the first statement and then fainting at the second. So he did something in between…he collapsed against Riku's chest, sobbing painfully as he clutched at Riku's shirt. "Please tell me you mean that. God, please do," Sora whimpered, his heart breaking a thousand times over from embarrassment and hurt.

"I do," Riku stated quietly. "I do love…I just…"

There was always a 'just' or a 'but'. "But what?" Sora guessed, gripping Riku tightly.

"…I can't."

Sora's heart felt like it had splattered on the floor. "…Why?"

"Because I can't love you anymore, Sora. I can't, I'm sorry… It just…wouldn't work out…" A roundabout way of saying that he cared about his reputation more then he did about Sora and his words were half lies.

"…I see," Sora whispered dejectedly, feeling like throwing up once more. "So that kiss was out of pity, huh?"

Riku tensed. "Don't…"

"I get it Riku," Sora lamentated as he pulled away, staring off to the right. "I get it. I really do. Just… go home, okay? I'll see you tomorrow in Chemistry," Sora mumbled as he took the incentive and exited the basement, holding back the urge to fling himself back at Riku and grovel for his love.

And Riku would forever be the reason for Sora's constant heartbreak…

And the sad thing was…

Sora would always allow it.