Disclaimer: I still don't own Supernatural or its characters. I and am not making any money on this…I'm just having fun!
Summary: WARNING SPOILERS: This story refers to Season 2 episodes! Both brothers were having trouble coping with their father's death. Unfortunately, the actions of one may end up destroying the other. Can they heal before it's too late?
Raven 524: This story is taking place after Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things and will refer to other episodes from Season 2. If you haven't watched any of season 2 and don't want to know what is happening, then don't read this story. That being said, I just couldn't resist picking up after Dean revealed his feelings to Sam at the end of CSPWDT. Jensen and Jared did such a good job in that scene that I'm sure the story won't come close to doing them justice. But the writer's soul in me just couldn't resist. Hope you enjoy my take on where they go from here.
Chapter 1 – Unwanted
Dean fought the tears as they fell from his eyes. He looked at his silent brother who sat beside him on the lonely road side. "So tell me, what could you possibly say to make that all right?"
Sam swallowed at the raw emotion that was rolling off his brother in waves, pulling Sam under as it washed over him. What could he say? He had been pushing his brother to admit how he felt and now that it was here, he had no idea what to say.
Dean looked off towards the horizon for another moment then taking a deep breath stood and headed back to the driver's seat without another word. Sam sighed and got back into the car, he looked at his brother, but could see that Dean was already building the wall back up that had come between the two brothers since their father's death.
Sam wanted to shake him and tell him it wasn't his fault. If anyone was at fault it was him. If he had done what his father ordered, if he had just once not argued but did what his father asked…Dean wouldn't be sitting on the side of the road wishing he had never come back. In the end, the demon got away and Sam's father died any way. Now he was also losing his brother and he wasn't sure how to get him back.
Dean drove in silence for the rest of the day. He never said another word, never looked at his brother even though Sam had tried to make some kind of eye contact. He ignored the sighs and other signs that Sam was upset. There was nothing that could fix this…no words that could fill the emptiness that had become a part of him since his father died. He knew that Sam was hurting, knew that he should be trying to get him to talk, to reassure him. But Dean couldn't find the strength…his world was shattered along with a part of his soul and he wasn't sure that he could put all the pieces back together again.
As day turned into night, Dean pulled up to a motel. He smiled slightly at he saw that somewhere along the line his brother had fallen asleep. Dean registered them and then drove around the back of the motel. "Come on Sammy, time to go to bed."
Sam opened his eyes and quietly followed Dean into the room. He dropped his bag at the end of his bed and went into the bathroom. Sam couldn't believe the man looking back at him in the mirror. His face was pale with large circles under his eyes. The bruise where Dean had hit him was still visible on his cheek. But most telling was the emptiness and hopelessness that was reflected in the depths of his eyes. He wondered again why he was continuing on. The demon had plans for him and yet he still had no idea what they were. He also knew that Dean was keeping something from him. His father had spent time with Dean before he died, he must have told Dean something, but right now Sam didn't really want to push his brother for more. Dean had given him enough for now.
Sam jumped as he heard a loud knock on the door. "Are you ok Sammy?"
"Yeah, I'll be out in a minute." Sam ran water over his face and once more buried his feelings deep. He wished that he could share the load with his brother, but right now that wasn't an option. It might never be an option again, so Sam better get used to it. He would have to be the strong one for a while and hope that Dean could get past his guilt.
Sam moved out of the room and did what he had been doing since their father's death. He sat on the bed and tried to stay out of Dean's way. "I think I'll get some sleep. Do you need anything Dean?"
Dean looked at his younger brother. "No I'm good. You know we really should grab some dinner…you haven't eaten all day."
Sam shook his head. "No thanks Dean…I'm really tired. But you can go if you want."
Dean sighed and walked towards the bathroom. He knew he couldn't leave Sam alone, besides he really wasn't hungry either. "You know, bed sounds really good. I'm just going to take a quick shower."
Before Dean got to the bathroom door he heard his brother say softly. "I'm glad you came back Dean…God help me, I'm sorry Dad is gone. But I'm glad you're with me."
Dean stopped and looked at his brother. Sam refused to raise his eyes to meet his brother's. He continued to look at the floor. Dean sat on the bed opposite his brother. "Look Sam, it's going to take me a little time to get past this ok? But I want you to know I'm here for you. I know this hasn't been easy for you and I've been acting like an ass around you…but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."
Sam raised his head and looked at Dean. "I'll always be here for you too Dean."
Dean smiled and rose to take his shower. "Dude, we're starting to sound like a bad Orah episode. You go ahead and get some sleep. In the morning we can see if there are any jobs in this area ok?"
"Sure Dean." Sam said quietly as he stretched out on the bed and sighed. He was so tired that he didn't even mind the pain that was throbbing in his hand. He knew that he'd have to take care of it, but right now sleep was more important. Beside, he didn't want to bother Dean. He could take care of himself.
Dean watched as Sam's eyes closed and then entered the shower. As the hot water coursed over his shoulders, he thought about what Sam had said. There really was nothing he could do to bring his father back. All he could do now was keep his brother safe. In then end, it was all that really mattered to Dean. As long as he had Sam, he would continue to fight.
The man had been tracking them for some time. He watched as the two brothers entered the motel room and smiled. He would be patient. He smiled as he heard a moan coming from the trunk of his car. The latest addition would soon be added to his collection. Everything was almost ready. Eventually Dean would leave Sam alone and then he would make them both pay. No one messed with him and got away with it.
Sam moaned in his sleep as the same dream that he had been having once again made its appearance. He was back in the cabin, the gun aimed at his father.
"Do it Sam…you have to end this son!" John cried
Sam's hand shook as he cocked the gun. "No Sammy…don't!" Dean begged him not to shoot.
The scene shifted to the hospital.
"I knew that I never should have brought you with…I knew you wouldn't be able to do what had to be done!" John yelled at Sam "If you have just followed my orders, your brother wouldn't be lying near death!"
Sam found himself in another room, this time both Dean and his father were there. He could hear the demon's voice "You have to choose Sammy, you can't have both. You have to kill one of them, which one will it be?"
"I won't do it…I won't kill either one…take me!"
"All in good time Samuel…I have big plans for you…but since you won't choose, I will!"
"NO!" Sam sat up in the bed and ran a shaky hand through his hair. He winced as he forgot and put pressure on his bad hand. Knowing that he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep; Sam decided to do what he had been doing since his father's death. He quietly pulled his father's journal out of his pack and sat at the small desk. He began once again to read his father's words, trying to find answers, but knowing already that he wouldn't find them.
"Sammy? You ok?" Dean sat up and squinted at the dark form of his brother sitting at the small desk.
"I'm fine Dean, go back to sleep." Sam said quietly as once again the silent tears began to fall down his face.
Raven524: Ok so I'm working on two stories at once here. I'm not sure how quickly I'll be able to keep each one going, but I just couldn't leave Sam and Dean where they were left last week. Let me know what you think by pressing the little button!