Naruto Fanfic – "Butt Out!"
Written October 2006 by Astra M.
Disclaimer: Naruto copyright Masashi Kishimoto/SHUEISHA Inc. This is a derivative work based on the Naruto series created purely for entertainment value; no profit is being made from its dissemination.
Author's Note: This story is based on events after manga chapter 328 (i.e. Naruto Shippuden story arc). And don't tell me you didn't see a lot of fics like this coming. Please also note that the rating is for language and certain situations that will arise, however this isn't exactly a "lemon"… for the most part.
Chapter One - The Party
Shikamaru pulled a cigarette out of an opened pack and lit up, his third of the afternoon. Taking a deep drag, he leaned back against the warm tiles of the Akimichi roof and blew out a long, thin trail of smoke that was quickly dispersed by a gentle breeze.
Naruto and Choji started to cough.
"Damn it, Shikamaru! Watch where you're blowing that stuff!"
Shikamaru shrugged apologetically. "I can't control the direction of the wind, Naruto. Why don't you guys go sit somewhere else?"
"Because I need to sit where the breeze won't blow my stuff around," said Naruto grumpily as he rubbed his eyes. "Why don't you move?"
"View's perfect right here, thanks."
They lapsed back into companionable silence. Shikamaru continued to stare up at the sky, enjoying the peace of his thoughts and the occasional hit of nicotine. Lazing about on a gloriously sunny day without a care in the world was something he had less time to indulge in these days, so he intended to make the most of it. Besides, it was as good a place as any to avoid certain bossy females, something he desperately desired. Indeed, it would have been perfect… except for the annoying tittering periodically emitted from his two friends. Since when did teenaged boys giggle?
Still, Shikamaru managed to smoke clear down to the butt before the chuckling began to grate on his nerves. Naruto snickering alone was bad enough, but for some reason he'd also dragged Choji into it. Obviously they were up to something, but he was determinedly resisting the urge to find out. Finally, Choji let out such a loud snort that Shikamaru couldn't ignore them anymore. Tossing the butt away, he rolled over on his side to fix them with a mildly irritated glare.
"What the heck are you two hyenas laughing about, anyway?"
"Ah, I don't think you'd be interested," gasped Naruto. Shikamaru saw that he was holding up a small card in his shaking hand, with a pile spread out on the floor before him.
"Er, maybe not…" agreed Choji. He too was holding a similar card.
Shikamaru frowned, his curiosity aroused. "And why wouldn't I be?"
The two boys exchanged a surprised glance and Choji shrugged. Naruto suddenly broke into a wide grin, apparently pleased to have another person in on the joke, and passed over one of the cards. Flipping it over, Shikamaru squinted at the small print. There were a few sentences written on it:
I've got a pimple on my butt. Would you like to see it?
"What the hell…?" muttered Shikamaru, arching a bewildered brow. Naruto and Choji burst out laughing at the expression on his face, and much to his annoyance, Shikamaru realized that he was blushing. Disgustedly, he flung the card back onto the pile, and Naruto scrambled to pick it out.
"Hey, careful! I don't want to get these all mixed up," Naruto explained as he began to stack up the cards and haphazardly stuff them inside a cardboard box. "I'm giving these to Kakashi for his birthday. They're a new product Jiraiya is merchandising."
Naruto held up the cover to the box, on top of which was emblazoned in lurid pink lettering: Icha Icha Paradise – Super Make-Out Challenge!
"An adult party game?" Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "It figures. What are you doing with something like that anyway?"
"Oh, just some research."
"Don't you already have enough perverted habits, Naruto?" muttered Shikamaru dryly, still sore from being embarrassed earlier.
"It's not for me!" protested Naruto angrily. "Like I said, this is just research. Sakura and I are planning on throwing a party together."
The improbability of this statement smacked Shikamaru like a punch between the eyes. He sat up straight to stare at Naruto.
"Wait a minute – Sakura agreed to this?" he said incredulously. "To a make out party?"
"Are you serious?" wondered Choji, who was equally startled.
"Huh? Heck, no! She'd pound me if I suggested anything like that!" said Naruto hastily, looking extremely alarmed. "But don't get me wrong – this game isn't for the party! Actually, I was only trying to come up with ideas for my half of the entertainment. See, Sakura and I agreed that we'd split everything between us – food, music, all that stuff. So I thought I could make up a game of my own…"
Shikamaru snorted. "Do you think it's wise to use Icha Icha as a model then?"
"Ah, it was just an idea," laughed Naruto, rubbing his head self-consciously. Then excitement lit up his face. "Anyway, we're going to have the party at my place. It'll be great – no supervision, and we can stay up as late as we want and do whatever! You guys are both coming, right?"
"Will you have a lot of food?" asked Choji eagerly.
"Yeah, of course…" said Naruto nervously. He hadn't forgotten just how much it had once cost him to foot Choji's dinner bill. "I'll just double check on the fridge… or something."
"Then I'm in. What about you, Shikamaru?"
"Eh… I don't know," his best friend mumbled disinterestedly. "No offense, but parties aren't really my thing."
"But you've got to come!" protested Naruto, unable to conceive that anyone would willingly pass up such an opportunity. "Come on, Shikamaru, I want all of my friends to be there! And Sakura is inviting all her friends, too."
"So… Ino is coming?"
There was an unpleasant snort.
"Then I'll pass. Sorry, Naruto. Maybe next time," replied Shikamaru. He didn't sound very apologetic, however.
Naruto frowned, looking at Shikamaru curiously. What was this all about?
"So what's wrong with Ino? She's your teammate! Aren't you guys friends?"
Shikamaru's habitually bored frown quickly morphed into a scowl.
"Friends, feh! She acts like she's my mother – as if she wasn't annoying enough before." Seizing the pack, Shikamaru pulled out a fresh cigarette and stuck it between his teeth with a little too much force. "These days she's always carrying on about my smoking, like it's some kind of crime. I hear enough bitching when I'm at home to listen to it every other hour of the day. I swear, between those two…"
"Well, you could cut back on the smoking, Shikamaru," said Naruto, rubbing his watering eyes. "Seriously, you're getting to be almost as bad as… uh…"
Naruto caught himself just in time, catching an alarmed look from Choji. They watched in silence as Shikamaru twisted his back to them.
"You have your vices and I'll have mine," he muttered darkly as he lit up again.