The idea for this fic came to me when I was rewatching episode 146 (Holiday at Tenth Street! An Innocent Princess). Anyway, a naïve Diana tells Luna that, curiously, every time there's a huge meeting or something of that sort, the future King and Queen are sick. Of course, Luna realizes what's up, but Diana has no clue that the couple is just getting out of their royal duties. So I took it upon myself to try and write up how I imagined a "sick day" scene to occur. I hope you enjoy!
Notes before we begin (all of you who are familiar with the original can just skip right through this):
Usagi - Serena
Mamoru - Darien
Usako - Mamoru's nickname for Usagi
Mamo-chan - Usagi's nickname for Mamoru.
Odango Atama - Dumpling Head; Mamoru's nickname for Usagi before they were a couple; in the dub, the equivalent of this is "meatball head."
Baka - idiot
Senshi - soldier (in the original, they Sailor Scouts are called the Sailor Senshi, or in other words, the Sailor Soldiers)
"Serenity, where's the thermometer?"
"How am I supposed to know?"
"You forgot to put it away after that time Small Lady got sick, didn't you?"
"Well you'd think that they'd have more than one thermometer in a palace the size of the moon!"
Silence followed, except for the occasional banging whenever an item hit the well. Four Senshi leaned closer to a door, trying to catch every bit of the conversation between their King and Queen.
"I found it! Endymion, I found it! Endymion? Would you please stop going through my closet. It's not in there! For Selene's sake, Endymion!"
"I found the thermometer you idiot!"
"Don't call me an idiot!"
"Odango Atama! That's what!"
"Ooh…" the four Senshi groaned together, sucking in air through their teeth.
"You wouldn't!" came a horrified female gasp.
"Oh yes I would. Right in the middle of the summit if I have to. Odango Atama."
The blonde Senshi of Venus, clad in her white, blue, and orange uniform, examined a fingernail as the couple on the other side continued to argue. "I think I might have broken a nail…" she mused.
"How much longer until they remember that they need to fake a fever?" an annoyed Senshi of Mars asked her fellow soldiers, eyeing the door with contempt.
"I'd give it four more minutes," Mercury replied. "No, make that six. That is, if my calculations are precise."
"You know, you've been calculating this sort of thing for half a millennia, and for some reason or another I'm still shocked," Venus replied, now readjusting the red bow that held back her hair.
"I don't know why we let them get away with this," Jupiter mumbled, crossing her arms grumpily as she slid down to the floor. "Why do they get to fake sick and enjoy a day to themselves while we deal with all of the leaders from Europe who want to complain about how they don't like the new laws that Serenity and Endymion made?"
"I've decided that I hate Europe," Mars replied, sniffing haughtily. "All they ever do is complain. The French claim that our food isn't good enough, the English attack us for our manners, the Germans are under some delusion that our cars are badly made, and the Swiss think that we fight too much."
"But we've only been in one war in the past five hundred years," Jupiter pointed out.
"One too many for the Swiss," Venus explained, rolling her eyes. "But really, Mars does have a— "
What Mars had the four would never know, as at that moment another argument had started up again between the King and Queen.
"Serenity, give me that washcloth now!"
"Get your own!"
"I found it first!"
"No you didn't!
"YES I DID! Hurry up, or else I'll be stuck going to that meeting. I'm sick of the Europeans!"
"How could he be?" scoffed Mars. "He's always been 'sick in bed' whenever he was supposed to meet one."
"I deserve to have this day off more than you," the Neo-Queen snapped at her husband. "So if you end up going, that's too bad."
"Why on earth do you deserve this day off more than me? Hmm? Who slaved away while attending college and Medical School for no reason at all because he ended up becoming the King of the entire world?"
"Yeah, well, while you were busy learning how to feed a child cough syrup, I was stuck saving the world every single day, and then when I thought I'd have a chance to enjoy it, I had to go and govern it!"
"Govern it? Please," Mars laughed. "Serenity couldn't tell someone how to tie their shoelaces if her life depended on it, let alone make laws."
"Shh!" Venus snapped at Mars, motioning with her index finger to be quiet. "I can't hear!"
"Yes, and while you were trying to save the world, I had to save you from killing yourself whenever your attempts didn't work. Which was every day!"
"All you did was throw a rose!"
"All you did was throw a discus!"
"IT WASN'T A DISCUS! IT WAS A FRISBEE!"
"Well that makes it even more powerful, doesn't it?"
"At least I was never weak enough to be brainwashed!"
"I do believe she has caught him there," Jupiter announced to the rest of the group. "Serenity might have done some stupid things back then, but getting brainwashed wasn't one of them."
"I was stabbed in the back by a crystal!" came Endymion's outraged voice. "Forgive me for not having enough willpower to fight off Satan!"
"YOU'RE NOT FORGIVEN!" came a screech that almost rendered the Senshi deaf.
"I almost forgot how high she could get," Mars sighed sadly. "I was so hoping I'd never have to discover it again."
"Well that's too bad, because I have the washcloth!" exclaimed a triumphant King.
The Senshi turned to look at one another, wide-eyed. This certainly was a change of events.
"WHAT? How did that happen?"
"So much for the pretty sailor suited Senshi of the moon, huh?"
"Ooh, he's good," Jupiter remarked, fiddling with a strand of brown hair.
"No, Serenity's just a ditz," Mars sighed. "It's one of the many Usagi qualities that she'll never lose, unfortunately."
"You are mean, Mars," Venus proclaimed on behalf of the woman who was currently occupied with getting her hands on a hot washcloth.
"Yes, well, not all of us can be about love and beauty," Mars shot back.
"Looks like you'll be stuck in the meeting," taunted Endymion. "Please be a dear, Serenity, and inform the French that I don't care if they don't like our food, as their specialty is snails."
"You can tell them yourself. I'm not going!"
"And how do you plan to get out of this one when I have the thermometer and the washcloth?"
"You do not have the…" There was a hiatus, and the Senshi presumed their former leader was searching for the thermometer. "How did you get that?"
"He's really good," Venus gaped.
"Told you," Jupiter replied, giving Mars a small smirk.
"Reflexes, my dear Serenity," Endymion's voice taunted. "You should learn some."
"Is it just me, or is anyone else reminded of Usagi and Mamoru before they actually got together?" Mercury asked the Senshi.
"You know how they get when these meetings come along," Venus shrugged. "They become just a bit…overexcited."
"Overexcited?" snorted Mars. "Let's try another adjective. Such as insane."
"Quiet, quiet!" Jupiter instructed. "They're talking again."
"Give me that thermometer now, Endymion!"
"I'll use the crystal against you!"
"You'd use your family's sacred treasure against me because I won't let you fake sick? Don't you think that's a little over the top for such a small thing?"
"It's not whether or not it's a small thing!" came Serenity's small sobs. "It's…it's the fact that you don't love me!"
"Whoa, where did that come from?" Venus asked in surprise. "Did anyone else see that one coming?"
"Of course," Mars clucked her tongue. "Serenity always pulls the, 'Don't you love me?' card on Endymion whenever he drives her into a corner. Where on earth do you think Small Lady learned it?"
"You know I love you, Serenity!" Endymion cried out in outrage. "But you're being ridiculous!"
"No I'm not!" wailed Serenity. "My husband doesn't love me! I…" Sniff. "I gave up so-so much for you!" Sob. "All I ask for in return is that you love me!" Serenity howled once more.
"He's going to give in," Mars stated matter-of-factly.
"Oh come off it," Jupiter frowned. "You don't think he'd give up that easily, would you?"
"Are you kidding me?" Mars laughed at Jupiter. "The man gave up going to Harvard after that whole Galaxia fiasco just so that Usagi wouldn't go insane and feel all alone. Of course he's going to give in over a small thing as who goes to the summit meeting."
"I happen to have more faith in our King," Jupiter retorted. "5000 yen says that he doesn't give in."
"5000 says that he gives up in the next two minutes," Mars smirked.
"I'm with Mars!" Venus proclaimed.
"Traitor," Jupiter shot at the peppy Senshi who was currently jumping up and down simply for the hell of it.
"What can I say?" Venus shrugged, calming down enough to sit back down and address the Goddess of Thunder and Lightening. "I'm the Senshi of Love. And my dearest Jupiter, I promise you, love will win tonight."
Mercury, who has been quiet, as usual, throughout this whole fiasco, finally had her say in the matter: "Guys, you really shouldn't bet on this. Do you honestly think such actions are appropriate?"
The three other Senshi looked at Mercury, the door, at one another, and then at Mercury once more.
"Yes," they chorused as Mercury gave a disappointed sigh.
"Oh lighten up, Mercury," Venus exclaimed, nudging the blue Senshi softly on the side. "It's all just fun and games."
"Until someone gets killed," Mercury muttered.
"Well that doesn't matter, because we always come back from the dead," Venus piped up happily. "What?" Venus asked defensively at her fellow Senshi's stares.
"Serenity, you know I love you!" the Senshi heard Endymion tell Serenity in a calming tone.
"Then why don't you call me Usako anymore?" wailed Serenity.
"For the same reason that you never call me Mamo-chan!"
A sudden silence ensued.
"I don't like this," remarked Venus.
"What? The argument?" asked Mercury.
"No, the silence. It means a) they killed each other, b) they're kissing, which would absolutely destroy our eavesdropping, or c) they're just standing there, which is rather boring."
"Hey Venus," came Mars's casual voice.
"Did anyone ever tell you that you have some serious issues?"
"Yes, but I always just compared them to Serenity and Endymion's, and suddenly I feel perfectly fine!" Venus replied chirpily as Mars stared disgustedly at her.
"Shh!" Jupiter instructed. "I can hear whispers."
"I'm so sorry, Mamo-chan," cried Serenity. "I'm such a horrible wife, making you give up so much for me."
"Usako, you're not horrible at all," Endymion laughed softly. "You're perfect."
"Oh no, not this again," Jupiter sighed, her body slumping up against the door.
"Even as the Goddess of Love I can't stand to hear all of this," Venus scrunched up her nose.
"Look, you take the washcloth, and I'll go get another one, okay?"
"Okay," Serenity sniffed. "But…but what about the-the thermometer?"
"Here, I'll just figure something else out."
"Ok, 5000 yen, pay it up," Mars demanded, holding a hand out to Jupiter, who groaned but begrudgingly sighed in defeat.
"So, how long should we give them before we go in?" Venus asked curiously.
Mercury whipped out her computer once more. "If my calculations are correct…five minutes and 32 seconds."
"They have no idea how much they owe us for all of these 'sick days,'" Mars grumbled.
"We really are too good to them," Jupiter mused. "So, whose turn is it to fill in for them?"
"Yours!" four voices exclaimed, as Mars pointed at Venus, Venus pointed at Mercury, Mercury pointed at Jupiter, and Jupiter pointed at Mars.
Venus grinned slyly at her fellow Senshi. "I think we owe Uranus and Neptune a visit…"