A/N Warnings for mild language. I don't own CM nor do I want to, it'd be too much work.
It wasn't supposed to be this way. It wasn't fair that he was here in this hospital room, tubes and IV lines attached to every portion of exposed skin, or so it seemed to her. The intubation tube breathing for him. His arm was at an old angle and in a cast to heal the broken collar bone. It was ludicrous; she told herself that if she closed her eyes and concentrated hard enough that he would be okay again. Going into the BAU everyday. Drinking five cups of coffee before noon. Enduring Morgan's teasing without a harsh word. Doing what Dr Reid was supposed to do day in and day out to help them catch the worst serial killer, rapists and bombers in the country. In no scenario was he to be lying comatose in ICU in a strange city. It wasn't right and she wondered at a God who let this happen. It wasn't important that they had caught the unsub. The killer was alive despite Morgan wanting to kill him and being stopped by Gideon from doing so. How could he live while Spencer's life hung in the balance. Gideon explained to her what had happened.
Flashback 2 days before
They had cornered the unsub in a warehouse on the pier. They had entered the building with their usual caution splitting up and sweeping it as quickly as they could. Unfortunately, the warehouse was in use so the unsub had a lot of cover from their weapons.
Spencer had been moving carefully around a large stack of boxes, his back to the stack. He didn't think to look up and when he heard the movement from above his head he had no time to react. He was shot from above and at such an angle that the bullet missed his vest and entered his left shoulder near the neck nicking the subclavian artery and breaking his collar bone. The collarbone would heal but it was the artery that was nearly fatal. He had almost bled out before the paramedics got him to the hospital. As a result of losing all the blood a man can lose and still live, he had slipped into a deep coma.
After eight hours on the operating table to repair the damage the surgeons gave him a fifty-fifty chance of survival. It depended on how long it took for him to emerge for the coma. They had put him in ICU and told Hotch to contact his family. Hotch had told the doctors that his mother was in a mental institution and they were the only family he had.
As she thought of all this, she once again wished that she could go back to that moment and warn him, but it wasn't possible. Not for the first time did she wish she could've gone on the raid with them maybe she could've done something, but she was the damned media liaison and it wasn't her job to bust in doors and arrest unsubs.
So she stayed by his side until they kicked her out. She no longer cared what her coworkers thought of her devotion Dr Reid. She had a lot of time to think about all the wasted days and weeks and months. When he had asked to go to the Redskins game with her she had been flattered, but she had told him there could be nothing more then friendship between them. She knew she had hurt him but she really believed that she didn't like him that way. She had been wrong, so very wrong. Truthfully, she didn't know when she had started to love him. It seemed to her now that she had always loved him. It wasn't a feeling that sprang up over night it was just there as it always had been. She had been in denial, telling her self it was better this way. If she didn't love him then nothing like what just happened would matter. She could protect her heart and still have the friendship of a kind and gentle man. Now she had to be honest with her self, there could be no more hiding from herself or from him. If he died or lingered on in this coma and never knew how she loved him she couldn't bear it. So she stayed till the nurses made her leave and then she went to the small chapel which is where Hotch found her. He touched her shoulder. She looked up at him with tear filled eyes that were so full of desperation that he felt his own heart shred. What if it had been Haley or Jack? How could he cope? She stood up and went into his waiting arms and cried.
"JJ please, you have to stop doing this to your self, he is alive and it isn't you fault he was shot. None of us could've stopped what happened."
"I know Hotch she whispered, but what will I do if he dies I have wasted do much time. I can't let him go not yet."
"JJ have you told him you love him?" Hotch asked quietly
She wasn't surprised he had always known, it was hard to keep secrets from profilers even when you aren't crying on their shoulders.
"How can I Hotch he won't hear me."
"We don't know that, many doctors seem to think patients in a coma can hear what we say. Tell him JJ it might help, and it can't hurt."
"I always thought you wouldn't condone two agents in that kind of relationship." JJ said surprised.
"I don't know what I would do without Haley; she is the light that keeps me sane in this job. How is it my place to tell you that you can't have that same kind of light? It is true that I think it is a bad idea as it can be distracting to agents but the heart is the heart and we can't help who we love."
"What if it is too late and I lose him forever how will I go on after that?"
"You will go on you are strong JJ and he would want you to. Hotch said. Anyway he isn't gone while there is life there is hope. Hang on to that."
He left her where she was knowing she would never leave. She spent the night praying to God to give her another chance.
As dawn approached she feel into an uneasy sleep in one of the pews and this was where Gideon found her hours later. He made her go with him to the hospital cafeteria for some food. He was worried about her, she had seemed to age ten years in two days. She ate mechanically and refused to talk. When they were done with their meal she left and went to resume her vigil by Spencer's side. She talked to him about everything but what was on her mind and was again kicked out of the room after an hour and not allowed back. Another night passed in the chapel and she again fell asleep sitting in the pew. Her neck and back ached from sleeping that way but she barley noticed it. She was back at Spencer's side as soon as the nurses would allow. There was no change in his condition. She tried to talk to him but she only fell asleep again.
When Spencer's eyes fluttered open he couldn't remember where he was and he didn't realize for a moment that someone held his good hand in their's. He felt something weighing down one side of the bed and wearily turned his head. He saw the beautiful blond hair and the tired face with circles under her eyes, she was fast asleep. He tried to speak but couldn't because of the tube in his throat so he just looked and her and thought to how much he loved her and he promised himself that he would tell her he loved her when they took out the damn tube. He didn't care anymore, he had been on the brink of death and had been saved he wasn't going to waste a second chance.
She opened her eyes and lifted her head off of his hospital bed and just stared when she saw his eyes were open. Even though she thought she'd had no tears left she began to cry again. She moved up to lean close to his ear.
"I thought you left me. I know I said I only wanted you as a friend but I love you Spencer Reid and I just want you to know that even if you don't love me. I wouldn't blame you after the way I have treated you."
He was elated, she loved him. He wanted to tell her that he loved her back, but he could only groan. She mistook that for pain and ran out to call a nurse. After that there were doctors and nurses running around asking him questions. The doctors was satisfied he could breathe on his own and immediately removed the breathing tube. He cautioned Spencer against talking for awhile and then gave him water for his sore throat. After that he was moved to a room out of ICU and could have more visitors. The team crowded around him and talked nonstop. They told him about the unsub and what happened to him. They told him everything that had happened in the last three days. JJ stood apart from them not knowing what to say, and for the next two weeks they were never alone together.
The time finally came for them to go home to DC. Spencer had been released on the condition he follow up with his doctor. It was a long flight from San Francisco to DC and he slept the whole way. He was still exhausted and his shoulder ached. Morgan offered to drive him home as it was on his way and he whisked him away before JJ could so much as say goodbye. That was the last straw; she had been living on pins and needles for weeks not knowing what Spencer thought of her impetuous revelation. She thought he might be angry because he hadn't met her eyes for the last two weeks and she began to wonder if she was too late and if their friendship was over.
After Morgan had dropped him off, making him promise to call if he needed anything, he closed the door to his apartment and dropped his satchel by the door. He wanted a hot shower and his own bed, but he found himself sitting down in his most comfortable chair and putting his head in his hands. He had blown it, he had been so surprised by what JJ said he didn't know how to deal with it or respond once the shock had worn off. Now she was angry with him, what else explained her silence for two weeks? He stood up to go to the bathroom for the shower he craved when there was a knock at his door. He sighed and debated answering it. It was probably Gideon or Hotch wanting to know if he was okay and he didn't want to deal with them right then. The knock came again.
"Oh, all right already hold your water for God's sake."
He opened the door and his mouth dropped open when he saw JJ standing there.
She had decided to go to his place and have it out; she didn't care if he was tired or hurting she wasn't going to let him get away again. She called Garcia and sweet talked her into giving her his address. Now she was here and she stood in front of his door afraid to knock.
"Come on girl why did you come here if not to confront him, knock damn it before a neighbor sees you lurking and calls the cops."
She knocked and waited and he didn't answer and she wondered if he was asleep. She knocked again and was about to leave when the door jerked open. He looked very irritated and she almost turned to go when he said.
"What are you doing here?"
Can we talk please?" he didn't move.
"Spencer may I please come in?"
He didn't say anything just stood aside to let her enter. After he shut the door she said
"Spencer I'm sorry that-"
He said at the same time
"JJ I want to-"
They laughed and she said "you go first."
He said, "no I don't think so you were the one that showed up on my doorstep you go, besides isn't it ladies first." He sat down and looked at her standing there. She sighed and took the seat opposite him.
"Spencer I want to apologize to you for what I said the day you woke up. It's obvious to me that you don't feel that way about me and I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable."
"I really hope you don't mean that JJ because if you do I'm quitting the BAU tomorrow."
"You heard me, I've wanted tell you for ages that I'm in love with you but you didn't want to hear it and then when you finally did tell me I couldn't say it back because of the circumstances. He stood up crossed to her and pulled her up to stand beside him. Wrapping his arms around her waist he leaned in to kiss her. She hadn't known he could kiss like that her knees went weak and she put her arms around his neck to stay on her feet. He hissed and pulled back with a groan.
"Oh God Spencer I am so sorry, I didn't think."
"I'm okay JJ nothing that a hot shower and a massage won't cure" he said looking hopefully at her.
"Oh, no I am not giving you a back rub Dr Reid."
He pouted and she laughed. "I have something else much more pleasurable in mind."
His eyebrows shot up. "What would that be?"
She whispered in his ear and he flushed bright red. JJ laughed took his hand and said "show me where the bathroom is baby, and I'll join you in the shower."
Later on that night he woke up and was relieved it wasn't a dream, JJ was sleeping with her head on his chest and he knew there would be no more wasted days or nights for either of them.
A/N I know Dr Reid is OOC here but so what I can do as I like in this universe. Please review.