Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note

Pairing: L x Light

Part: 4/4

Please R & R. Reviews are like coffee for a caffeine addict and plus I will be more motivated to write more if you review. Umm, then again maybe I should cross the last line off.


4 days 8 hours 12 minutes

"Then let's be selfish."

I can't believe that another one liner had changed my plan again. I was taught to be a grown up early on and my only chance to be a kid was when I indulge myself with tons of sweets. Eating sweets was my way of pretending that I had a childhood and that I was a kid once. Because of my potential, I learned early on that being selfish wasn't an option and that I have to put others first. I have to put my own needs behind others because that is the price that I pay for being special.

I never ask to be a genius.

I never ask to be abnormal.

I never ask to be different.

All I ever want was to be average.

All I ever want was to be normal.

All I ever want was to blend in.

Because only then will I be able to experience what everyone else get to. The path to maturity came earlier than I want it to be. I know I should be grateful that I was taken in and that I was cared for. I know if I wasn't taken in I probably wouldn't had survived, at least not on my own and god knows what I could have done or who I could have end up working for.

I finally decided to accept my responsibility and took my rightful place as L.

L, the world famous detective.

L, the savior to all impossible cases.

L, the answer to all problems.

But ….

But what about L, the lost soul.

L, the one who sleeps alone.

L, the one who craves for comfort, love and warmth.

No one noticed.

No one bothered to see beneath the mask.

No one had noticed that L was silently falling apart.

No one had noticed that L was bleeding inside.

No one except Light.

Light saw beneath the mask.

Light saw the lost boy who was never found.

Because of that L decided that he would continue to be unselfish for Light. Light helped L realized that true love is warm and that broken wings can't be used as a protection anymore.

Wings were used to fly.

Wings were not meant to carry things.

Love wasn't meant to be selfish. What was broken will remained broken and buying a new one won't give you the feeling that you had before. L decided that he would sacrifice himself so Light can continue to be Light.

Buying a new one wasn't the same.

Replacing the old wasn't the same.

L wants to be irreplaceable in Light's eyes.

L wants to be irreplaceable in Light's heart.

In L's hand, he was holding a set of wing. The wings were meant to be together, you can't have one without the other. The wing was filled with heart; each heart contained a deep meaning. Without a heart, without a soul, nothing has a meaning anymore. We were all just looking for a replacement, even if the replacement was flawed, but L doesn't want to be replaced and he knows that Light would never replace him.

L looks up in the sky for one last time. He noticed how the sky was really blue like Light's eyes, the cloud was really white like Light's shirt and the wind was ever so gentle like Light's morning kiss.

A smile appeared on L's face, and it was a genuine smile meant for Light. Yes, wing was used to fly. Love wasn't used to bind people together. Love wasn't a weapon.

Everything was crystal clear.


A week later, Light receive a letter addressed to him without a return address.


If you are reading this letter, it means that my plan had succeeded and that I am no longer a visitor in this world. I was born and destined to be alone in this life and for years the thought never bothered me but meeting you change that. The moment I saw you I know I was done for. Almost instantly I know that you are the Kira that we are searching for, but yet I keep pulling myself towards you like a kid lusting after chocolate cake.

I hope you had a chuckle over my last line because I love seeing you laugh.

But all jokes aside, the moment I decided to take you to the beach I know that I had seal my own fate. Light, you will always be a weakness that I despise about myself but one that I would never change.

I had always liked the concept of walking alone in the rain, but in reality I had never done that once in my life till the last time I walk out on you. I took a walk in the rain and everything became crystal clear. There is a thin line between reality and pretense and I know I am a contradicting person. I always like being in a crowd but I never like to get myself involved. But the day that I decided to get involve, miracle happened. I saw you. I saw you before the Kira incidents. I saw you before you even know of my existences.

That day, like a gust of wind you walked into my life and I was never the same again. You were wearing a white windbreaker that day. Your hair look perfect like always and the moment you pass me I thought I heard the sound of the ocean. Maybe I was curious because I turn around and I saw your back. I never saw your face, but I had your back imprinted in my head.

In my head, I imagined a blank canvas and on it I painted your back with vibrant blues. The splashes of colors that seem so alive inside my head made me ache with a great desire to see your face and ironically this whole time you probably never even remember me from that day.

We never meet and we didn't need to, at least that was what I think. But we did meet and that was when everything changed. I miss the feeling I had that day. I remember being happy just seeing glimpse of you in the wind. There are very few things that matters to me and you happened to be on that list. Yes, I was constantly thinking about someone that I had never met and funny how anything would remind me of you.

When one door closes another one opens. It is the cycle of life. I never believed in afterlife but now I wanted to and wish that the next time we meet we would be in a different circumstance. Our fate was seal this lifetime by our own actions and if there is afterlife then I hope fate will give us a free pass.

That day at the beach when you ask me to be selfish, I was tempted. I was ready to begin our story but in the end I couldn't. Yet, I know I can let go because without me you would still be able to go on. In the end, all I ask of you is .. don't forget me.

1 second left, the end of our 4 days 8 hours and 12 minutes. I will never forget these memories.

L Lawliet …


"Light, can I ask you something?"

"Yes Sayu?"

"Why are you always looking at the sea?"

"Because I know that from far away, he is looking at the same sea and I will never forget."



A.N: So it is finally finished. It took me 6 days to complete this fiction and I hope everyone was happy and satisfied even thought it wasn't a happy ending. I don't know why but for the life of me I couldn't do it. I just have to give Light and L a bittersweet ending.