Author's Notes: Occurs somewhere during UX 429-434, so definitely spoilers for anything prior to that. Written for 100 situations, table 2, prompt 002: bathroom. Oneshot. I'm new to the fanfic business, not sure I'm up for a chaptered story quite yet.
She lays on the bathroom floor in her underwear, staring up at the empty ceiling. She still hears the voices of the dying, even though they're long gone. Only one thought runs through her mind.
"It's all your fault Lorna. It's all your fault."
It wasn't so long ago that she had been rescued by the X-Men from the war ravaged Genosha. It wasn't so long ago that she had run away from the Sentinel attacks on Genosha either. She had only just arrived back in Genosha to ask Magneto about her mother's death, she had only just been greeted as the daughter of the ruler of a nation. Suddenly, without warning, without notice, the Sentinels descended upon the island. Which Sentinel to attack first? Who should she go to aid? The man from the bakery? No, too late for him, he was just decapitated. The woman who worked at the pharmacy then? No, she was shredded to bits. And with every death, every Genoshan citizen, the cold robotic voice of the Sentinels announced "non-human entity determined, execute." Hearing it repeated so many times, she began to think there was no way except that of mutant superiority, going against everything she had ever believed in.
"I should have fought. I shouldn't have stayed in hiding."
She manipulates metal. She could've ripped the Sentinels to shreds. Not all of them, but a few at least. She could have saved a few thousand lives. Instead she hid in her magnetic bubble and now all she feels is guilt. She closes her eyes trying to hold back tears of guilt. Instead she watches the Genoshan massacre repeat itself once more in her head. The Sentinels coming, sixteen million dead bodies, the smell of burning flesh, the cries of the dying, their rotting corpses in the hot African sun. Her father, dead. She had only just confirmed it, that he was biologically her father. He took her in and treated her as if he always known she was his daughter. He taught her everything about their shared mutant ability, the ability to alter magnetic fields, for once in her life she felt complete. And in a few moments, her life changed entirely.
The tile floor is cold and she feels goose bumps developing on her skin. She sits up, pulling her knees towards her chest. She can't hold back any longer. Burying her face in her knees, she cries.
"Your fault. You brought this on yourself. If you had been stronger..."
She scratches her nails against her scalp, crying harder. She wants to make the voices stop. She can't make them be quiet. She doesn't just hear herself, she hears cries of agony and pleas for mercy, the same cries that she has heard with every silent moment since the Sentinel attack. She wants to scream, she wants to scream at the top of her lungs. She could in Genosha, it was all that she could do after the massacre ended. Now, she can't do anything. Not because she's without the ability. Her voice is just fine, she could scream as loud as anyone else. The problem is that one scream and the other residents of the mansion would be trying to get into the bathroom to make sure she was alright. Ever since she came back, ever since she was abandoned on her wedding day, everyone has known she had become mentally unhinged. She's heard them talk when they think she's sleeping.
"Oh poor Lorna, poor fragile minded Lorna. Genosha, what happened, it was so hard on her. And imagine, Magneto as a father. He killed her mother and her mother's husband you know. Delicate little Lorna, she's crazy now. The poor dear."
Lorna musters the strength to stand up. She leans on the bathroom door for support. She shakes her head, a blur of green in front of her and then wipes away her tears.
"I'm not crazy."
Lorna whispers to herself as she strips off the last of her remaining clothes and steps into the shower. The tropical fruit scented shampoo helped keep Lorna from recalling the smell of the decaying bodies that laid around her as she provided energy to an electro-magnetic box carrying the words of the dying. The very words that haunt her every living moment were the words she fought for, the words of her father which she broadcasted to the world. She keeps scrubbing at her skin, like she did when she returned from Genosha, trying to wash away the stench of death.
Finally she gives up as her skin starts turning a rosy red, remembering that the smell has been gone for quite some time. She sits down, water still sprinkling her back and cries. She's spent the day in the bathroom. She can't bring herself to leave. She keeps trying to wash away the guilt, the suffering and pain she felt from those killed. Lorna doesn't know what to do. She knows inside she is no longer the girl she once was. She used to be a sweet girl, she was thoughtful and considerate. She didn't depend on other people, she made her own choices, no man owned her. Why was it so different now? Ruthless and vicious in battle or even during a meal and she needed to be beside Alex so badly. She knows she's changed.
She's sitting, naked, in the shower. Water is pouring over her body. She wants to lay down, to curl up somewhere warm. The bathroom is cold, the hot water is running out. She's starting the hear the cries of the dead again, smell the decaying bodies. She wants to make it stop, she can't make it stop. She digs her nails into her skin hoping the pain will cause her to snap back into reality.
She screams. Without regret she continues screaming as loud as she possibly can manage. She stands up and shuts off the water, grabbing her towel from the floor and wrapping herself in it.
Within moments there are people at the door. Her teammates, other residents of the Xavier Mansion, anyone who could get there fast enough. She heard their familiar voices asking if she was alright. Rolling her eyes, she opens the door and smiles.
She says with an artificial sweetness and then heads down the hall to her room.