Remus had no idea how long he laid on the floor. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours, but to Remus, there was no concept of time while he was fighting a battle in his head. Lily's words rang in his head repeatedly: What is so dirty about wanting to be close to the one you love?
He eventually stood up and turned to the mirror again. His reflection looked as sad and as weak as he did in real life. Almost as if Remus was expecting it, he saw Sirius appear once again in the mirror. The mirror-Sirius stood behind the mirror-Remus and began to stroke the mirror-werewolf's sad face. The mirror-Remus looked at the mirror-Sirius and smiled at him. Remus watched as the mirror images kissed each other gently on the lips. Remus smiled as it reminded him so much of the gentle kiss he had shared with Sirius in what seemed to be a lifetime ago. He closed his eyes and remembered how it felt to have Sirius' lips upon his own. The warm feeling that he had felt in that moment of intimacy returned to him, and it felt as good as it did before.
STOP IT! You're thinking dirty thoughts again!
I don't care! This feels so good.
But it is WRONG!
What was wrong with wanting to be so close to the one that I desire? The mirror has seen my desires. The mirror doesn't lie. I want Sirius!
…It's wrong for a man to love another man… it's dirty…
But he is so beautiful…and it did feel right to be so close to him.
But it's dirty…
Unable to take the battle of thoughts any longer, Remus grabbed hold of his own hair again and pulled it hard. He then let out a scream of release, "IT'S NOT DIRTY! HE LOVES ME AND I LOVE HIM AND IT'S NOT DIRTY!" As soon as the words came out, Remus began to breathe in and out heavily, with his hair gripped in his fingers.
After a few moments, he felt another feeling, and he realised that it was relief. He was so relieved that he began to laugh to himself. The chuckling quickly turned into that of relieved laughter, and he was soon on the floor laughing as loud and as manically as it could be possible.
Through the laughter, he said to himself, "Oh, I want him and it feels good!"
When the laughter had subsided, he suddenly felt confident and brave. Deep in his mind, he knew that Sirius may not forgive him, but he had to try. He walked out of the room and down the corridors. He went up and down stairs and through the school until he found the dormitory. When he reached the dormitory door, he hesitated for a moment. His hand hovered for the doorknob, and, in one moment of confidence, he turned it and walked inside. He was very surprised and saddened to find that the room was empty.
He must be in the common room.
He walked down the hallway to the common room. When he opened the door, he looked around the room and could not see Sirius anywhere. However, he could see James and Lily sitting very close together on one of the sofas. Peter was sitting at the other end of the sofa, reading a book. He walked over to the couple.
"Hiya. Have any of you lot seen Sirius?" he asked.
James looked up, "He's not in the dormitory?" He looked towards Peter, "Here, Wormtail." When Peter looked up from his book and James continued, "I thought you said Sirius was in bed."
Peter insisted, "He was. He wanted to be alone to sleep."
Remus asked, "Then where could he be, then?"
James said, "Check the map."
Remus nodded and went back to the dormitory. He opened his chest of drawers and picked up the precious piece of parchment. He whispered, "I solemnly swear I am up to no good." The all-too familiar words appeared on the parchment. He opened it carefully and watched as the layout of Hogwarts emerged on the paper. He looked for the dot labelled "Sirius Black". After some frustration, he found the little dot which was moving outside Hogwarts.
"He's outside?" Remus asked to himself. He looked out of the window and saw the rain splattering on the window. "But it's still raining outside. He'll get soaked!" He quickly mumbled the words, "Mischief managed," and watched as the many lines and words disappeared from the parchment. He put the map in its hiding place and, without thinking about putting on his cloak, he dashed out of the room and down the stairs. He ran down the corridors towards the field nearest to the Forbidden Forest.
He could not see much through the cold rain. Using his hand to shield his eyes, he scanned the fields as he ran, trying to find Sirius. All too soon, he could feel his bare arms scatter with goosebumps, and his chest was becoming damp because of the rain seeping through his shirt. After what seemed to be a lifetime, he saw a figure with long black hair walking across the fields. Remus could see that the figure's head was bowed, and he walked as if he had a burden on his shoulder.
"Sirius," Remus whispered.
He ran towards the figure that he was sure was Sirius. He knew that he was running into muddy puddles and that his shoes and his pants were becoming coated with thick mud, but he did not care. Eventually, he was only a few feet away from the figure, and Remus yelled out, "Sirius!" The figure did not respond, and so Remus called out again. This time the figure stopped and turned his head towards Remus. The werewolf ran towards Sirius until he could see his friend's apathetic face.
Trying to regain his breath, Remus said, "Sirius. What are you doing out here? It's chucking down. You'll get ill."
Sirius said apathetically, "Since when did you care?"
"Of course I care!"
Sirius laughed cruelly, "Yeah! You care about me so much that you fuck me around and then punch me in the face!"
"Sirius, it wasn't like that. Please let me explain…"
"Oh yeah. Like I wanted to explain earlier when you punched me."
Remus pleaded, "Sirius, please…"
Sirius stepped forward and pushed his friend, who fell into a puddle. When Remus had rubbed the mud from his face, he saw that Sirius was walking away from him. Remus had no idea what came over him, but he suddenly felt a burst of energy. He quickly got out of the puddle and charged towards Sirius. He grabbed hold of Sirius, and they toppled to the ground, with Remus pinning down the darker-haired boy. Sirius tried to break free, but Remus' grip was too strong, and he held onto Sirius until the animagus had calmed down.
"Looks like I win this time, Sirius."
Sirius cried, "Let me go!"
"And now I'm going to claim my prize." And with that, Remus leaned forward and kissed Sirius furiously on the lips. He conquered the other boy's lips with confidence and energy. Sirius relaxed his muscles and melted into Remus' mouth. The brown-haired boy let go of Sirius' wrists, and the animagus did not fight back. Instead, he wrapped himself around Remus' neck and pulled him forward until their bodies were joined together.
Remus parted the kiss and slowly got up from Sirius' body. He sat down the soft, damp grass next to his friend. Sirius sat up and huddled next to Remus. Smiling, the werewolf placed his hand around Sirius' wrists and pulled him closer. Although it was cold and it was still raining, they huddled together in the fields, Remus' head resting on Sirius's shoulder.
Remus was the first to speak. "I am so sorry."
Sirius stroked Remus' matted and muddy hair and grinned, "It's okay."
Remus shook his head. "No, it's not. I know I made you cry, and it's all because I thought that wanting a guy was dirty."
Sirius tenderly squeezed his friend's shoulder. "Oh, Remus. I told you it's okay. I know exactly what you're going through."
Remus looked up at him, and Sirius' heart melted when he saw his beloved almost in tears.
"What?" Remus whispered.
"It happened when we were first constructing the map," Sirius explained, "I came down the same corridor, and that is when I found the mirror. I looked into it, and I saw myself kissing someone. I never saw the person's face, but all I know is that the person kissing me was male. I was in denial over it for years, thinking it was dirty, and whenever it came to me in dreams, I used to be so frustrated, just like you are now. And then, last year, I started having dreams about you.
"One night, while everyone was asleep, I came here and I looked into it. I saw myself kissing someone. Not just anyone, but you. It was then I came to terms with who I am, and I screamed it out in that room. I screamed that I was gay, and I was in love with you. I realised then that what I felt wasn't dirty. It was the best feeling in the world." He stroked Remus' shoulder.
Remus grinned. "That's exactly what I was going through, and that's the way I feel right now. I saw you in the mirror holding me and kissing me. But even then, I tried to deny what I feel. Luckily, James and Lily set me straight."
Sirius chuckled, "Where would we be without them two, eh?"
"I dread to think. Sirius, I'm sorry for hitting you and making you cry. But most of all, I'm sorry for lying to you. I did enjoy it when you sucked my cock last week, and I enjoyed you kissing me today. Last week did mean something to me."
"What about the bit when you said that you'd even let Snape suck you off?"
"Oh, please! I do have some standards, you know!"
The two burst out laughing and began to stand up. They walked together hand-in-hand to Hogwarts still sniggering. When they had walked inside, they were still chuckling, and the giggling worsened Every time they got a strange look from a student or teacher. When they saw Snape in the corridor, they started to roar in laughter so much that they nearly tumbled to the ground. They knew they must have looked very strange, covered in mud, holding hands and giggling but they did not mind.
When they reached the Gryffindor Tower, they wrapped their arms around each other and walked up the stairs together. Sirius whispered, "I forgot to mention something back there."
Remus whispered, "What?"
"I love you."
Remus smiled. "You told me that earlier in the bedroom."
"Well, I'm saying it again for good measure."
"I love you too, Sirius." Remus looked at his beloved and saw that he was covered in mud, "And I think it's bath time now."
Sirius looked at him and whispered back, "That sounds like a wonderful idea."
"Can we share a bath?"
Sirius smiled his cheeky grin, "I wouldn't have it any other way."