A/N- My older sister is a gamer, but the one game that she won't get into is Sonic. She one day actually took the time to sit and listen to me trying to explain the show and game to her and while she wrote this parody. It's an obvious statement of what she feels about the show after having it explained to her in the best manner possible. I explained it in French and Spanish too and she still hates the show! (WOOT! Franish and Frenglish!)
Sonadow- The Power of Speed!!!!!!!!!!!
Shadow was feeling very un-cocky and Sasuke-like, at least a little more than usual. He decided to go for a run seeing as how he could run sooooo fast sarcasm His angst and sorrow of being almost but not quite evil was tormenting him when he ran into the unquestionably good Sonic a.k.a. blue blur. Shadow because he was sooo cool decided that it wasn't worth it to remember anyone's name he then did a very racist thing and identified Sonic by his fur colour.
"Blue one, you're comparing yourself to me?"
The blue hedgehog, which had the surprising ability to talk, smiled and said, "Didn't we have this conversation before?"
"Don't you usually smirk instead of smile?" Shadow retorted, happy with his proper ability to talk.
"Umm…See, I wouldn't expect you to understand this, but can we have this battle of wits while we run because in the name of justice, I never stand still for more than five seconds and it's been nearly a minute. I'm beginning to twitch."
Shadow noted the strange sudden spasms emitting from Sonic's back fur, which were quills. It made Shadow wonder what it would feel like to hug such a prickly creature. He realized that this train of thought was going to lead this fic into the slash category so he changed his mind. A lot of random homophobes cheered in the background. That included MelSama32. This whole entire paragraph was the living proof that Shadow could think reflectively a lot.
"I have huge hands," Sonic murmured in the background.
"Oh yeah? Well, I can't get this angry expression off my face."
"Maybe it's the amnesia."
"Or maybe it's the fact that I only appeared in the whole sonic industry when they ran out of other things to do to you."
"Am I really only sixteen?"
"I think so."
"You know when you take the time to think about it, my show really hasn't served any purpose."
"I always thought that, but being in your show does get me paid publicity."
Sonic started running and for some strange reason the street began to turn in a completely three hundred and sixty degree circle which happened to speed things up. Yay!
Shadow watched this reflectively.
Suddenly this strange fox-like creature showed up and it was so gruesome that it had TWO tails instead of one and what was even more gruesome about it was the fact that his tails were spinning at an extremely fast rate (seeing as how speed is the key element in the entire concept of running hedgehogs). Shadow gaped in horror and then suddenly reverted back to his regular glare. He didn't want anyone to think that he had emotions.
The disgusting mutant creature landed nearby Shadow who did a very good job of hiding his disgust under a cloak of anger and of course angst.
"What are you doing here, Shadow?"
"I'm thinking and feeling some angst."
"Oh, that's too bad."
"Yeah, I know. It takes up a lot of the script."
Sonic showed up again and for some ridiculous reason he didn't look tired after running for about an hour. It goes to show what a strict diet of chilli dogs will do to you. Sigh
If it wasn't enough that there were three funny looking, talking animals there but then suddenly another Technicolor animal showed up. In order to keep to his normal, "comical" reputation, he fell out of a tree.
"What the hell is that?" Shadow cried.
Sonic looked at Shadow sympathetically. "I'd tell you but I don't know how to pronounce the word and I know you'll never be able to figure out where such an animal might be frequent. Imma say it once, 'ech-in-a'."
"Are you sure that's how you say it?" Tails broke in.
"How do you say it?"
"Phonetically, you're supposed to pronounce the 'd'."
"Uh guys?" the red thing said, standing right behind Shadow. "You could just ask me."
"OH MY GOD! YOU CAN TALK?!" Tails screamed.
There was a brief awkward silence.
It didn't last long because Tails then had to speak again to recover from his momentary lapse in intelligence. It happens. "Your name is Knuckles, isn't it?"
"Yep…haven't we met before?"
"Did they name you because of your huge hands?" Sonic burst out.
Knuckles sighed and looked away, shifting his massive hands behind his back.
Shadow looked reflectively at his hands. "They're….so….big. My body does not even make up for their weight."
"Why didn't they name me because of my hands?" Sonic asked wistfully.
"Your dreads are cool," Tails remarked.
"They're actually not dreads. Dreads are a representation of your dedication to God in the Rastafarian church and I'm not trying to make any strong statements."
"That was a really boring statement," Sonic sighed.
"So now that we've all met together, what do we do?"
There was another long awkward pause.
"The title implies that there should be slash," Tails muttered, glancing up at the title.
"Sweet," Shadow suddenly blurted, "that'll be fun to see."
"Involving you two…" Tails continued pointing at Sonic and Shadow, now glancing at Knuckles.
Knuckles appeared to not be listening. Studies have shown that echidnas have a very low attention span and I can easily say this because only a third of you have actually taken the time to look up information on that confounded, uncommon animal. Who would bother?
"Does this also imply a plot?" Shadow inquired softly, folding his extremely thin arms which did not correspond with his frequently noticed HUGE hands.
"Wow, you can fold your arms?" Sonic murmured in awe.
"Naw, I'm just touching my shoulders, but it looks a bit the same if I glare in your direction."
Knuckles looked up. "I'M THE SOURCE OF ALL YOUR JOKES!"
"What?" Shadow asked.
Tails jumped up and down suddenly.
"What was that for?" Shadow asked again because being confused was the best source of angst.
"There's too much dialogue in this scene. There's no action to progress the plot."
"Ha ha. That's like my show. A lot of running with the dialogue being skittish and boring. Probably why no one can watch a whole episode without wondering why Mario doesn't still have his own cartoon," Sonic laughed.
Yeah," Knuckles sighed. "He's a fat plumber with an outrageous accent and a blonde princess for a girlfriend, what more could you want?"
"Most certainly better than a BLUE hedgehog with attitude ruining the laws of physics with his disproportionate body mass and his aerodynamic-defying speed," Tails added.
"Or an old cartoon trying to pass for semi-anime," Shadow agreed.
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Sonic cried, weeping bitter tears of agony.
"Wow, Sonic never cries," Tails exclaimed.
"Maybe that's why this isn't anime," Knuckles offered.
"Maybe slash would make it better," Shadow suggested mournfully.
"What is it with you and slash?!" Knuckles burst out.
"No, I'm just curious to know why you keep bringing it up in front of us heterosexual animals."
Shadow pondered Knuckles' behaviour. He laughed suddenly.
"What is it?"
"You know who you remind me of?"
Knuckles shook his head.
"You give off a very distinct Ludacris-vibe."
Knuckles shrugged. "I borrowed his arms."
"Ohh…" Everyone nodded together in realisation.
Sonic ran a few laps around his circular street and reminded everyone of a hamster with a higher degree of freedom. "Its amazing how he can do that," Knuckles muttered.
Tails suddenly vanished.
"Was that a game glitch?" Shadow gasped.
Knuckles shook his head. "Naw, he just tripped on one of those bouncy things. It sent him flying meters away into the ARK. He'll be back in the next level."
"WHICH WE'LL NEVER GET TO BECAUSE NONE OF YOU WILL RUN WITH ME TO THAT HUGE GIANT RING OVER THERE!" Sonic shouted from a distance.
Shadow didn't hear that because he suddenly realised that he couldn't stop thinking about a girl with an outrageously large forehead named Maria. Surprisingly, her name was Maria, not the forehead.
Sonic landed near them and walked over even though in this game walking is a serious waste of time. I mean, why walk when you can run?
"I WANT SLASH!" Shadow suddenly cried. "I can't take it! This whole entire concept has become a vicious vacuum of repetitive concepts. We need something more!"
Shadow's sudden outburst of some more delicious anxiety in the form of angst made a sudden swirl in the vortex of supersonic speed which sent both Sonic and Shadow into a void where they could run endlessly together in an ambiguously romantic manner until the writers of anything sonic-related give up and go home.
And, thus, Sonic became something a little bit respected as an individual show.
Knuckles, however, stood there contemplating the cruel fate which made the creators of Sonic choose such an uninteresting creature to deviate a character from. He wasn't even sure what on earth he was and why-oh why- did he have these strange dread-lock type things hanging from his head.
"I always get left out," he whimpered.