It's NOT Organization XIV!!!
Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts isn't mine, yet the NoLess and Startix (and other OC's which may appear) are.
Chapter One: A New Member!
One day in the World That Never Was…
"Pull!" A large card fwipped threw the air. Xigbar raised his gun and fired.
A perfectly shaped round, smoking hole appeared in the middle of the card and floated down…amongst the other 50.
"Xig, can we stop?" Luxord pleaded. "I'm down to one card! And it's my most favorite one!"
"TOUGH COOKIES, JACK!" Luxord raised an eyebrow at the strange comment.
"I'm bored, so you've got to do what I say. And when I say pull, I MEAN PULL!"
"Oh, you meant now?" replied the young gambler with an innocent smile.
Cursing loudly, Xigbar dropped his guns, walked over to Luxord and grabbed him by his collar.
"You're screwing with me…aren't you?"
"Well, not in that sense, but if you want to, there's a room in the Castle I've been keeping a secret from Xemnas…" replied Luxord, smiling seductively.
Disgusted, Xigbar threw Luxord into the air, grabbed both his guns off the ground and fired.
"ARGH!! My flesh bars!"
"Pull." chuckled Xigbar, smirking.
High up in the Living Room That Never Was…
"Sounds like Xigbar and Luxord are fighting again." muttered Demyx, strumming his sitar.
"Well, what do you expect? Opposites do attract." replied Roxas, polishing his Oathkeeper. "Those two are like Axel and you: fire and water."
"Hmm." nodded the Melodious Nocturne, absentmindedly strumming his instrument. "Speaking of which, where is the little red dharma anyway?"
"Gah! Larxene, I swear, I didn't do it!"
"BULLSHIT!! WHO ELSE COULD'VE LEFT SCORCH MARKS ON MY DRESSER DRAWER?! NOW GIVE ME BACK MY—"
Demyx quickly put his hands over the young Keyblade master's ears. My goodness, such language between those two…
Roxas yanked off Demyx's hands. "What did you do that for? What does Axel have that Larxene wants back so badly?"
"You're too young." replied the musician. "What do you mean, I'm too—"
His voice was drowned out as Demyx began singing very loudly. "MOVE YOURSELF! ALWAYS LIVE YOUR LIFE! NEVER THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE…!!"
Sighing, Roxas pushed it out of his mind and went back to polishing.
In Xemnas's Office…
Groaning, the Superior banged his head on the table in front of him. Why? WHY couldn't he find a new member? I mean, sure, Roxas was great to have around; the spiky-haired baking genius could whip up a chocolate cake that would make you have an orgy, but it was starting to become stale having only thirteen people in a giant castle.
On top of that, Xemnas was feeling lonely.
I mean, enough to sneak into Axel's room and cuddle up against him while he was sleeping.
This not only freaked out the fire-wielder, but led to a series of awkward glances every week or so.
Muttering to himself, Xemnas buzzed in his last chance. The one before that had been Stitch, and the freakish alien/koala combo had nearly destroyed the whole damn office. He was silently hoping this one would be just as bad so that he could get this 'Q & Flay' over with.
"Zexion, send in the next one." "Roger." said the bloodhound-like Nobody, and buzzed in the last person.
A small child, no bigger than Roxas, stepped through the door. His hair was lime green with streaks of yellow and fell down to his back, almost like a girl's. He had on the Organization's cloak, but large, yellow shoes.
On his back was a giant paintbrush with a blue, green and orange-striped handle, approximately, the size of Xemnas himself, with a ring on the end. His eyes were crystal-blue and the symbol for Nobodies was over his left one.
"Hiya!" he said cheerfully. "My name's Startix. I'm here about the membership?"
Xemnas nodded. It looked like he actually found a suitable candidate! Sure, he was a midget, but he looked promising. His name even had an 'x' in it.
"Very well, Startix. Exactly what makes you think you are qualified to be a member of Organization XIII?"
"Well, aside from having an 'x' in my name and being a Nobody, I've got a really cool weapon!" Startix pulled off the paintbrush.
Xemnas raised an eyebrow. "You call that RoseArt® byproduct a weapon?" "Yes, I do! Watch and be amazed!"
He grasped the brush and waved it in the air, the empty space leaving marks as though it were an open canvas. When he was finished, he had painted a perfect copy of Xemnas.
"Bravo...but how is this helpful?" The little artist smiled and snapped his fingers. The painting jumped to life and glared at the shocked Superior. "More like how are you helpful, Femnas?"
"WHAT!?" roared the outraged man. Startix laughed uncontrollably. "See? Anything I draw I can make real. So, do I get in?"
Xemnas smiled. "Okay, I'll give you the membership. If you can prove yourself."
Startix smiled goofily and saluted the man. "Tell me where it's at and I'll do it just like that!"
"You must steal an item from each member of the Organization, including me, and bring it back here, without getting caught. If you can do that, you're in."
Startix snapped his fingers again, causing the copy of Xemnas to disappear. "No problem! But what items should I steal?"
Xemnas shrugged. "How should I know? Anything that belongs to them."
"Okey-dokey!" He plunged his paintbrush into the ground, disappearing in an instant.
Xemnas sighed contentedly. It looked like he found his diamond in the rough at last. If all this went well, then he would finally have someone to comfort him late at night. (I would like to take this time to say that I do not think Xemnas is gay. It's just funny as HELL to make him seem like that.)
Back in the Living Room That Never Was…
Demyx was wondering on what would be a better theme song for him, 'Stand Out' or the 'Happy Song', when a loud shriek ripped through the whole castle. One of the strings on his sitar snapped off.
Pissed, Demyx ripped open the door just in time for Larxene to tackle him. "What in God's name—"
"Demyx, you've got to help!" The water manipulator couldn't believe his ears. Surely he must be spending too much time in the castle. Larxene, the Savage Nymph, the sadist to end all sadists, all of Stephen King's books personified…was asking him…for help.
Good Lord, the situation must be dire. Sighing, Demyx stroked the woman's hair softly. "What's wrong, Larxy?"
She leaned up and whispered into Demyx's ear. A large blush quickly spread over his cheeks. "They took THAT?!" "Uh-huh." sniffled Larxene, several tears rolling down her face.
"Ah…well, do you know who took it?" "I just know it's Axel. That sick little pervert's been trying for forever."
"Oh, come on, Axel's not that bad. I mean, there are plenty of times where he proved that he wasn't a pervert."
"Name one time." stated the twelfth. Demyx thought for a bit. "Well…um…well, he…no…er…okay, maybe you're right. But he's not that crazy."
"Well, who else could it have been? Roxas?" They both turned to the boy, who began sweating nervously. Suddenly, he whipped his arm out and looked at his wrist.
"Gee, would ya look at the time! I've gotta go…um…bake something! Yeah. You know how cranky Xemnas gets without his sweets."
Roxas was thankful right now that looks couldn't kill, because Larxene was giving him a glare that could've scared Saïx.
"You're not wearing a watch, you little brat. YOU TOOK IT, DIDN'T YOU?! DIDN'T YOU?!!" "I DON"T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!!!" cried Roxas, running out the window. A very loud thump was heard thereafter.
Only when Roxas was gone and Larxene had regained her composure (that is to say, cried until Demyx's shirt was soaked) did said member notice something.
"Hey…where's my sitar?"
In the Den That Never Was (Screw this, I'm getting tired of adding the 'That Never Was' to every room.)…
Vexen and Marluxia were currently hard at work. Doing what you ask? Perfecting new techniques to bring down Sora? Experimenting on more innocents to see how their hearts worked? Feeding Marluxia's plants?
Nothing of the sort. They were making…smoothies.
"Okay," said Vexen, grinding a rather large block of ice against a cheese grater. "It says here for the final ingredient, we need a golden banana. …A gold banana. Well, isn't that just PEACHY!"
"Actually, Vexen," said Marluxia, flipping through the list. "We've got more than enough peaches right now." Smacking his accomplice upside the head, Vexen began wondering how he could get a golden banana.
Suddenly, he got an idea. "Hey, Mar, can't you grow a banana tree really quick?" "Why should I?" he shot back, rubbing the spot where Vexen hit him, a small tear coming out of his eye. "It's not nice to hit people."
Vexen's eyes narrowed. "Really? Then let me tell you something. You will grow a MOTHERFUCKING banana tree, even if you have to shove the seed, fertilizer, water, and God knows what up your ass. You will like it, and if you don't, then may the LORD help you, because I will personally ICE every single plant in your room and beat you to death with your own scythe. Am I clear?"
"C-crystal." stammered the frightened flower user. "Good. I'm ever so glad we could come to this understanding."
He reached for his shield to summon more ice, when he noticed it was missing. "The frick? What happened to my shield?" "And what happened to my scythe?!" screamed Marluxia.
Back with Xigbar…
Xigbar was currently carrying a half-dead Luxord over his back. He shook his head in pity. "He can turn someone into dice or cards, but he can't take two bullets to the ribs." Suddenly, a large whooshing sound was heard and he whipped around.
The only card that Xigbar hadn't shot was gone and one of his guns was missing. "Hell no!" screamed the Freeshooter. "Who took my gun?!"
In the Kitchen…
Xaldin was whistling to himself, spreading peanut butter (the creamy kind) on a sesame seed bagel and brewing a cup of coffee, when a rather loud cry reached his ears.
"XALDIN!!" Shit. thought Xaldin. That's Xigbar's voice! He must know what I stole from him… Forgetting his breakfast for now, the Whirlwind Lancer dove into the closet, locking the door desperately trying to hide himself.
Not easy because his lances stood in front of the door, swirling around like a demented six-piece blending machine. Damn them and the sick blacksmith who created them.
"I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! I CAN SMELL YOUR FEAR!!" Who is he, Zexion? thought the third.
The door to the kitchen was blown down and a pissed off Xigbar stood in the doorway, the Gambler of Fate slung over his shoulder like a wounded animal.
"You know, you can just come out right now and make this easier on yourself." Yeah, thought Xaldin. And if I do come out, he'll just kill me quicker.
"Okay…if you won't come out, then I'll huff…Xigbar takes in a deep breath…and I'll PUFF…another breath, and he then pulls out his gun…AND I'LL BLOW THE HOUSE DOWN!!!!"
Praying that Xigbar's aim was deteriorating in his old age, Xaldin knelt down, only to notice through the cracks of the closet door that one of his lances was gone. Oh, that's just GREAT! Now all I need is for—
The closet door whipped open and Xigbar hovered over Xaldin like some kind of deranged hawk.
"Found ya." said the Freeshooter, leering down on the frightened member. "Oh, fuck me."
In Zexion's room..
The Cloaked Schemer was busy enjoying one of his rare moments of peace in the Castle That Never Was, reading his newspaper. He had just finished reading through the obituaries (much to his chagrin, there were no ironic deaths) and was about to flip to the personals when a bullet hole appeared in his paper.
Startled, Zexion turned behind him to see a smoking hole in his wall. Peering through it, he could barely make out Xigbar chasing Xaldin around the kitchen.
"Come on, Xal, I just wanna make you go POP!" (1) Zexion raised his eyebrow. "Xigbar, PLEASE!! If you wanted your diary back so bad, you could've asked!" Both of Zexion's eyebrows were raised now. Xigbar has a diary? Wasn't that a delightful tidbit of information? He was just about to report this to Xemnas when he was struck from behind by a large, heavy object.
About an hour later…
Startix stood in Xemnas' office, presenting the stolen objects on his desk.
First was Vexen's shield.
Next was one of Xigbar's guns.
Then one of Xaldin's lances.
Third was Luxord's 52nd card.
Fourth was Saïx's claymore.
After that it was one of Axel's chakram.
Then it was Marluxia's scythe.
Seventh was Lexaeus' tomahawk.
Eighth was a large lock of Zexion's hair.
Ninth was Roxas' Oblivion Keyblade.
Eleventh was Demyx's sitar.
And last was a teddy bear with Xemnas' name under it. ……0o
Xemnas looked at the objects in shock. "Amazing! How did you manage to get all of these?" Startix smiled maliciously. "By not getting caught. It's easy to take something when the targets are preoccupied. So, I'm in, right?"
Xemnas nodded, quickly snatching his teddy bear off the table. "Sure. From this day you will be known as…the Artistic Wonder, Startix!! Welcome to Organization XIII!"
"Fresh!" yelled the new member, jumping in the air. Xemnas smiled. "You report back here to receive your mission objective at 0730 in the morning. Dismissed!"
Ecstatic, Startix was about to leave, when the leader noticed something. "Wait a second, you didn't get something from Larxene!"
Startix turned around with a sly smile. "Oh, I did. Look under the tomahawk." And he left. Confused, the Superior looked under the massive weapon, and saw something pink, soft and lacy, with a tiny panda's face on the front.
It also had Larxene's name inside it written in black marker.
"…This kid is good."
Oh, I am so deliciously evil. And in case your wondering, yes, there will be a Demyx/Larxene pairing in the future. For those that say water and electricity don't mix, BITE ME! Whoo, sorry, lost control there for a sec. ♪Bet ya can't guess what Startix stole from Larxene!♪ Did I make Vexen seem to OOC?
(1) This came from VG Cats, a freaking hilarious Net comic that makes fun of anything relating to video games, anime, manga, generic TV shows and even cell phones. It was when Red Link went insane in Four Swords and blew up Green Link, wearing his head as a hat…with the lower jaw ripped out. Weird. But cool. Review or not, it's up to you. CC is welcome, too!