Alrighty, this is my first offical Teen Titans fic, but no worries, i am a huge fan of the show and know what im doing... i hope. Anyway, if any of you check out the Danny Phantom page on Fanfiction, you may know me, I write a lot of stories there, but am currently in a TT Mood... .
In Short, this a BBxRae fic, some RobStar too... basically BB finds a "magical" can of 'taxe' (think tag & axe...those ridiculous cans of body spray) yea he finds some and chaos ensues...
Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans or Axe/tag... DC comics and Cartoon network's business there
No such thing as Canned Pheromones
Before a sleeping city lay a danger. A massive amount of energy was about to be unleashed upon the unsuspecting citizens. Energy so great that no one could even fathom its power, no one could fathom its size, its origin, or why it comes across them every morning.
The sun creaked above the horizon at Jump City this morning; beaming off its wonderful sunlight to warm this rock we call Earth. Its shafts of light focused between a few scattered clouds to give off a true scene of serenity, peace, and enlightenment. There wasn't a being alive that morning that didn't appreciate the sun and start their day off splendidly…that is, everyone except for a handful of teenagers living in a giant alphabet letter.
Sure the titans had their share of good days and bad, mostly bad, and mostly the kind of bad days of when Beast Boy thought it would be a good idea to entertain Raven. These kind of days were numerous during the relatively quiet periods of crime, when no one had anything productive to do besides try to find excuses from Robin's training sessions or watch Beast Boy get himself mangled by attempting to get a rise out of the resident goth bird of sorcery. This day however, was differ… no wait it was still one of these days.
"Heehee, ok Raven, I swear this is a good one!" Beast Boy chuckled as he began to think about a joke of his. "This is definitely one of my funniest jokes ever!"
Raven looked up from her book raising an eyebrow and asking herself why she even bothered to leave the room this morning.
"Ok here it goes…" Beast Boy said as he took a deep breath. "How did the rabbit get over the fence?"
Beast Boy looked around the main room hoping that anyone would show signs of interest…no dice.
"…Because somebody threw it over!" Beast Boy said in a triumphant tone with a smile to match as he looked to see if anyone had at least gave him a sympathy chuckle, a pity snicker, anything at all; once again, no dice.
"Beast Boy, you can't stand there and tell me that was an actual joke, let alone a 'good one'. Here, I have a joke for you." Raven told him with a serious tone. "How many half-demon sorcerers does it take to kill an annoying, green, smelly shape-shifter?"
Beast Boy just stared at her sheepishly, and looked down at his feet as though they were the most interesting things in the tower.
"Unless you want to find out, I suggest you never tell me a joke like that again." With that said, Raven shut her book, leaving a nice crisp sound, and calmly walked towards her room.
"Dude… it wasn't a bad joke…" Beast Boy told himself, still enticed by his fascinating feet.
"Uh…sorry grass-stain… but I've seen dying cows that were funnier than that." Cyborg said as he walked from behind the kitchen counter holding a nice sized plate of waffles with a good 2 liters of assorted syrups doused upon them.
"Yeah Beast Boy, maybe you should lay off the jokes for a while…"
"Or forever." Cyborg said, interrupting Robin.
"…Like I said, Beast Boy, lay off the jokes, especially around Raven, I don't know if you noticed, but she doesn't really like to hear jokes…especially from you.
"I just thought it would be nice to see her smile for a change, instead of that gloomy frown that just depresses everyone, and I thought maybe a good joke could do that…"
"It probably would… you just have to tell a good joke." Robin replied, a smirk finding a way to his face, and a grumpy expression forming on Beast Boy's.
"Say Robin," Cyborg said, mouth full with waffles but practically glued shut by syrup, " Diffint fee haf somfing do foo deeday?" Cyborg swallowed. "Didn't we have something to do today, like go shopping for you girl-friend?"
Robin's eyes widened as much as Cyborg's smile did, and a tinge of red found its way to his cheeks. "I told you, she's not my girlfriend!"
"I never said she was," Cyborg said as he put his hands up innocently. " I said she was your girl-friend, not your girlfriend."
"How is there a difference?" Beast Boy asked trying to get in on the conversation.
"Well for one, girl-friend had a hyphen between girl and friend, thus implying that she is merely a friend of which is a girl. Robin said girlfriend which is completely different to which implied." Cyborg explained, leaving both the boy wonder and the green shape-shifter scratching their heads.
"… You see, Robin denied Starfire as his girlfriend out of embarrassment because he didn't want anyone to know, I just implied that she was merely his friend, but do to his embarrassment while lying and his misunderstanding my previous statement…I can only say one thing: 'Robin's got a girlfriend, Robin's got a girlfriend!'"
Beast Boy quickly joined in with the metal man as Robin's face fell.
"Listen guys, quit laughing, Cyborg is right, I do need to go shopping to day, it's Star's fourth birthday tomorrow and I want to get her something." Robin said, hoping to change the subject.
"4th? I she looks our age though." Beast Boy asked.
"She is, it takes 4 Earth years for Tamaran to make a complete orbit around its solar system's star. She's 4 years old on her planet, but 16 here."
This explanation did nothing to enlighten Beast Boy as he just stood there with a very blank look upon his face and a faint line of drool beginning to pool up in his lower lip and escape down his chin.
"Never mind Beast Boy, she's 16. Now listen, I need your guy's help, Starfire is still sleeping so we have a chance to run to the mall and get her something."
"OOH! I know! Get her an engagement ring!" Beast Boy declared, but was clearly ignored by the other two titans."
"Hmm get her some flowers and chocolate, ladies love that stuff." Cyborg suggested.
"Nah, too plain, I want to really show her how much she means to me."
"OOH! Take her out to that really fake French place for dinner! Ladies love the French!" Beast boy shouted out, but still being ignored by the other two.
"Hey, I got it!" Cyborg said, snapping his fingers. "Take her out on a casual date to one of those fancy French restaurants downtown."
"Hell-OOO! I just said that!" Beast Boy said still having no luck gaining their attention.
"Hey that's not a bad idea Cy. Thanks man." Robin replied to Cyborg as he we started his way out the door. "In fact, I'm going to go make some reservations right now, wanna come with?"
Cyborg complied as well as Beast Boy, and before they knew it, the trio was on their way into downtown Jump City. The even in the mid morning the city was bustling with people trying to get many assorted tasks accomplished. Traffic was still congested with the mid-morning commuters and several dozen people were out jogging, it was a perfect day for it after all.
Beast boy rode in the back seat of the T-car fiddling around with one of his hand-held video games as Robin and Cyborg were talking about some boring mechanical innovations in both the car and Robin's R-Cycle…snoresville.
After boring discussions about nuclear spark plugs and automated cylinder lubricators, Beast Boy began to groan from boredom and tossed his video game aside.
"Are we there yet?" He asked groggily and slightly annoyed, much like a 6 year old on their way to…uh…anywhere.
"Actually yes we are, Robin you go on inside, I'll keep the engine running."
Robin jumped out of the T-Car and rushed inside to get a reservation, as if people all around the city were in a race to get there first… if so, then Robin would have definitely won.
"I still can't believe he thinks you thought of this idea, why does everyone ignore me!?"
"Hmm? I'm sorry buddy I wasn't listening, whatcha say?"
The car was silent for a few minutes before Robin walked out of the restaurant with a smile on his face and a thumbs up signifying that he had made reservations and thinking that BB and Cy actually cared.
"So you all set for tomorrow big guy?" Cyborg asked Robin as he continued with a smirk "You think you're girlfriend is going to have fun?"
"Was that with a hyphen or not?" Robin replied with an irritated tone in his voice.
"Uh… sure why not?"
"Then yes, I think we will have a great time." Robin said with a relaxed tone and smile to match.
"Dude! I am like, SO BORED! Can we like… go to the mall or something? I hear they have a demo for Mega-Monkeys 9 there and I was hoping that since we are already out that maybe…" Beast Boy started to suggest but was stopped short by some annoyed stares coming from the two teens in the front seat looking back at him.
"Sorry BB, but we need some groceries, I ran out of syrup this morning and I need they have 2 new flavors out now: boysenberry, and pineapple, and you know how much Cyborg loves his pineapple." Cy told him as he backed out of the parking lot. "Robin, you have the list right?"
"Good… boysenberry here I come!"
Beast Boy just sighed as he had a feeling that he had woken up on the wrong side of his bed this morning.
Upon arriving at the Jump City super deluxe grocery store, the three titans hopped out and Robin started reciting the list:
"Let's see…some ham, eggs, some tofu blocks, my one gallon tub of hair gel, 'Super sugar-O's' , bread, milk…and some uh… feminine products for Star."
"Wait… how'd that get on the list?" Cyborg asked
"Starfire told me last night…" Robin said, looking away to hide a growing blush emerging upon his cheeks.
Cyborg stifled a laugh, but Beast boy just kept playing his little hand-held game and was completely oblivious to what was so funny.
"We'll get done faster if we split up, so I'll get my hair gel, the cereal and milk, Cy, you take the ham, eggs, tofu and milk, and Beast Boy… you can take the rest."
Beast Boy looked up to find that the list was floating down to his feet as his friends sprinted to the doors, leaving Beast Boy stuck with the last thing on the list.
"I knew this was going to be a bad day." He said as he shuffled slowly inside and made his way to unlucky aisle 13.
He quickly scurried over the shelves trying to find the uh… 'Product' that matched the one on the list. After receiving many stares from the other women in the aisle, he had finally found the right one, and he proceeded to hold it high over his head and yell, "FINALLY! I HAVE THE RIGHT TAMPONS!"
The store went silent, and Beast Boy's mind finally caught up with his mouth and he quickly found his feet extremely interesting again as he slunk away to the next aisle to find more people snickering and giggling at him.
Fortunately for him, Beast Boy's attention span abruptly ended as he found something that caught his eye in the neighboring "Bathroom Supplies" aisle. He shuffled over slowly to get a closer look at the object that grabbed his short attention.
"Could it be? No way… couldn't be… my god… IT IS!" Beast Boy shouted as his shuffle transformed into a full out run into the next aisle and picked up a small black can.
"It's that 'Taxe body spray' the only body spray on the market that is scientifically proven to attract any female who catches the scent! I thought they took this off the market after the Miss America catastrophe."
Suddenly, without warning, Beast Boy had a flashback to a news report that had appeared several weeks ago… "Disaster struck in downtown New York as all 50 of the Miss America contestants jumped into the audience and started swarming over an unsuspecting man attending Albany Law School who has here to cheer on his girlfriend's friend. Without warning, all 50 of the swimsuit clad women were aggressively fighting over the man to which he replied, and I quote: "Was the greatest moment in my life." "
Beast Boy could just imagine hoards of girl flocking around him, just enjoying his presence and aggressively making out with each one…at the same time.
The other two titans found him and reported that it was time to go back home. Beast Boy slipped the can of Taxe in his pocket and proceeded to check out.
Upon returning to the tower, Beast Boy said nothing as he scurried along to his room and pulled the can from his pocket, and whispering oh so softly to it, "You are going to make my day…yes you are! Yes you are!"
A/N: Ok, what did ya think? not much fluff here but i need to establish the story line, i would really love to hear what you guys have to say, be honest i want to how well i'm doing here.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!