Maddie Fitzpatrick sat in her room with her head leaned against the window. As she looked out across the yard that surrounded her family's apartment building, the bright sun bounced off of the snow, and almost blinded her.

She sighed. It snowed last night.

She wanted to grab her little brother, call up her sister, and run out side into the perfect whiteness. She wanted to make snow angles, and have snowball fights. She wanted to play in the snow.

But she had to go to work. Her sister and brother in-law didn't come over anymore. She had to make the money that she wouldn't even get enough of to buy her brother a Christmas present.

She wanted to feel that cheeriness that came with the first snow, and the fact that Christmas was around the corner. Feel the excitement that came with this season.

But she couldn't.

I can't, I can't, I can't take it

This is a time to smile I can't fake it

Please allow me the chance now to break it down

It's not snow it's rain coming down

And the lights are cool, but they burn out

And I can't pull off the cheer

Not this year

Not this year

Not this year

Maddie heard her parents start arguing for the fourth time already this morning. She ground her forehead into the window. If only she could block out that sound. But the sound had just been getting louder and more frequent for the past five years. Ever since her dad decided to 'retire' early.

Maddie snorted angrily to her self.

At least her sister Genevieve had kind of smoothed everything over, or at least diverted everyone's attention from the fact that the family was crumbling apart. But that was before she got married two years ago.

Maddie wondered for the millionth time how she did it. Maddie had tried to fill her sister's shoes for a long time, but she just couldn't. Often she wondered if it was just the fact that when Genevieve was there, Maddie wasn't the only one with all of the responsibility.

Now Maddie felt completely alone.

She was alone.

When I look,

Into the mirror

No happiness,

Is present here

Tears threatened to spill out of Maddie's eyes. She struggled to hold them back. She wasn't going to turn into a little unhappy, crybaby. That wouldn't help anything. And her parents wouldn't stand for it.

Not supposed to whine

Not supposed to cry

Try to hold it in,

A tear slipped onto Maddie's cheek. She wanted to play in the snow.

But not this time…

Maddie's little brother Liam burst into her room. "Maddie, mom says that you've got to go to work."

Maddie quickly swiped her hand across her eyes. "Okay. I'll be right down."

It's not snow it's rain coming down…

She quickly grabbed her bag, and pulled her coat on. Before heading out the door, Maddie took a deep, slightly shaky breath that had the sound of tears in it.

She wanted to play in the snow.

I can't pull off the cheer,

Not this year

Not this year

Not this year…

The song in the story is 'Not This Year' by Aly and Aj. It is from their new Christmas cd, 'Acoustic Hearts of Winter'. It is sooo awesome! If you like Christmas songs and/or Aly and Aj, it is a must have! The best mix of Christmas songs that I have heard for a long time, including two original Aly and Aj songs. Thank you for reading my fic! Please review!

-captain lyd