Fire Nation Family Therapy

A fan fic spoofing Fire Lord Ozai and family

Summary: Yeah, like no one ever thought of doing this before. But what happens when you stick the Avatar world's most dysfunctional family in existence in therapy? Probably something like this. AU OOC some violence and some swearing.

Dedication: Angel, Tina, Sammie and Prince Zuko (Who is not real but still squishy)

Disclaimer: I work at Subway and the airport. Basically I'm a sandwich maker with a clearance who doesn't own diddly but gets fifty percent off food.

"This is so stupid!" Azula complained as she fire bended at a plant that prior to the fire bending was sitting peacefully on the desk of a noted family therapist. "We could be out searching for the Avatar instead of sitting in this dumb office talking about our feelings!"

"I agree." Lord Ozai, Azula's father put in. "Why are we wasting our time here?"

"Because of the free tea?" Uncle Iroh offered glaring at his younger brother.

"What is with you and your damn idiotic tea obsession?" Ozai shouted back at his elder brother. Iroh's response was to do some quick lightning bending at his brother's robes.

"What I wouldn't give for a good water bender right now." The therapist assigned to the Fire Lord's family mumbled half to herself as she came in and surveyed the office with wary hazel eyes.

Azula narrowed her gold eyes at her brother. "Maybe Zuzu knows a good water bender." The fire princess offered cattily.

Zuzu, who was really prince Zuko, but there was no way in hell that Azula was going to call him that, had been sitting quietly in his chair with his back to the rest of his family until Azula made her catty remark. Zuko blushed and became extremely flustered. "That is none of your concern!" he shouted angrily then tried to start pouting again.

"Don't take that tone of voice with your sister!" Ozai shouted sending a trail of fire at his son.

Azula stuck her tongue out at her older brother as he bended the attack towards the curtains.

The therapist gasped and choked back a scream as she picked up the tea pot and threw the contents on the flaming fabric much to Iroh's dismay.

"What'd you do that for?" the older man asked sounding sad.

"Would you rather I let the room burn down?"

"Fair enough."

The hazel eyed woman nervously scanned her office where four very accomplished fire benders were lounging. Two of them had very volatile tempers, one was borderline psychotic and one had a tea obsession. But hey, it was nothing she couldn't handle. "So, shall we get started?"

"We'd better, you wasted enough of our time already. We have more important things to do." Zuko sulked.

"Yeah, like finding your little water tribe girlfriend." Azula taunted. "Give it a rest Zuzu she's too good for you."

"I told you NEVER to call me that!"

"I told you not to take that tone with your sister!" Ozai shouted heating up his hands.

"Okay everyone, inside voices please." The hazel eyed woman pleaded.

"Do we have any more tea?" Iroh asked holding up his empty tea cup.

"I'm on it." Well, she was on it until the therapist opened the door and was knocked over by a young woman with jet black hair and cobalt blue eyes.

"Zuko!" The girl exclaimed practically jumping over Iroh and flinging her arms around the astonished prince's neck. "I've missed you so much!"

Azula snickered. "Shit! The water tribe girls must be getting pretty desperate if they're flinging themselves at you, Zuzu."

"Shut up Azula!" Zuko shouted freeing up one arm and shooting a fire ball at his sister.

"Can we please try not to burn down my place?" the therapist asked.

"No." Azula replied smirking evilly as she shot some lighting at the therapist who ducked.

"You are one crazy bitch!"

"And don't you forget it!"

"Don't talk to my daughter that way!" Ozai shouted.

"Inside voices please!" the therapist demanded timidly.

"Where's my tea?" Iroh asked sounding rather dejected.

"What are you doing with my boyfriend?" Demanded a new voice.

All heads turned to see a rather pissed off Katara glaring at Zuko and the girl who had bowled over the therapist.

"Shit, it was nice knowing you Zuzu." Azula smirked. "Well, not really, but I had to say it so you're little feelings wouldn't be hurt."

"Okay, this is just too much for me!" Iroh announced. "I'm going to go find some tea." He made his way out the door followed closely by the new black haired girl.

"Oh no, you're not going anywhere." Katara growled grabbing the girl and shooting some water that had previously been in a vase of flowers at her face.

The girl blocked and sent the water back much to Katara's surprise.

"Oh how pathetic, Zuzu, they're fighting over you." Azula remarked in a bored tone staring at her fingernails.

That last Zuzu was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, Zuko began fire bending at his sister like a mad man and shouting at her. The banished prince even managed to send a few flames in his father's direction as the therapist unsuccessfully tried to get the water benders' attention. Unfortunately they were too busy attacking eachother with water and ice.

"You slutty, slutty ho bag!"(1) Katara shouted as she tried to incase the other girl in a giant water bubble.

The other girl barely deflected the bubble and sent it crashing back at Katara who dodged it allowing the super pressurized water to pound a hole into the wall.

"Can't you take that outside?" the therapist asked in a tired tone.

"No." Was the collective answer as the fighting resumed.

"This is going to get messy and unfortunately we're out of time. Can you all please leave so I can send you the bill for the repairs?"

No one made a move to do anything but continue their violent bending. A few agonizing minutes later Iroh came back with a large pot of tea. The therapist sat down with him and took a tentative sip. "You should have brought sake."

The end?

Well. There you have it, my first ever posted Avatar fan fiction. Please read and review or Azula will use puppies for fire bending practice. Also please let me know if you think I should continue this one.

1.) Well, I did say that there would be OOCness in this fic.