Summary: Always haunted by his past, Albus Dumbledore grew up hating the memory of his father. Love saved him from the Darkness, but at a price. When he finally finds out who he really is, it could be the chance to bring him and his father together, or push them apart forever.

Rating: M

Warnings: Serious angst (if you like the EaGL thing you'll probably like this), language, mentions of child abuse, sexual references. Some of the background's a bit dark as well. See author's notes for update

Disclaimer: After I begged and pleaded for hours on end, JKR had the mercy to … tell me I still didn't own Harry Potter.

Author's Notes: This is a completely new series – yes, another one – and has nothing whatsoever to do with the rest of my fics. There is no HBP and no OotP, only a few select elements imported. The prophecy does not exist and Sirius is alive, but the characters and so on are the same.
This bit's important: From hereon I've taken a huge amount of liberties (or "creative licence" as I prefer to call it) with Albus' character. It will cause a lot of debate. So, if you want to review just to tell me Albus is OoC, don't bother. You will not get a pleasant response from me.
Okay, an update to the notes/ships/warnings. I decided a while back that Albus was going to be bisexual but it wouldn't really affect the storyline too much. Now it will a bit. Not so much now, but I realised I didn't have a lot of detail planned in Albus' teens–early adult (pre-Minerva) life, so I added some in, which included slash. There will be references to slash and possibly some flashbacks occasionally, and we'll get a drop of one-sided ???/Albus later in the series. If you really can't handle even the smallest amount of slash, turn back now.
I've finally decided that the series will be a trilogy, but after the third instalment there will be several (how many I don't know) one-shots to get glimpses of what happens later. I may also write one from the point of view of Albus' secret admirer, but obviously not until I've revealed who it is in the series.
I am still continuing with EaGL and the others, never fear. So put down that pitchfork right now.
Note to Dani: Watch out for Shadow!

State of Mind: Finding

Prologue: The One With No Name

Where once was light
Now darkness falls
Where once was love
Love is no more
Don't say goodbye
Don't say I didn't try
- LotR (Gollum's song)

The seat was cold, and damp seeped through Albus' robes, making him shiver. For once he didn't avoid the cold – normally he hated it, but he had more important things on his mind.

He was sitting on a wet stone bench at the end of a long graveyard. Rows of headstones, all the same size and shape with a single flower on each, stretched out almost as far as the eye could see.

Most were casualties of war: The later victims from World War Two and some from the two Voldemort wars, the second of which was still ongoing.

The graveyard was at the edge of Hogwarts' grounds, and few people from the school knew of its existence. Albus' conscience had made him form it and many of the buried dead were people he'd known … or felt guilty about their passing for one reason or another.

Halloween was a significant day for Albus for many reasons. Most were personal reasons that none or few were aware of. Albus preferred to spend Halloween alone, with the exception of the feast, which he was always too eager to leave. Minerva understood – most of the reasons, anyway – but no-one else did. Albus had shard his full past with no-one. Or at least voluntarily.

On the thirty-first of October ever year, Albus spent a few hours just sitting on the bench and thinking. He usually avoided thinking about any of his life, but sometimes he knew he had to face it.

His family played a large part in this contemplation. A number of events linked to it happened on this day. Albus could swear the day was cursed … for him, anyway.

When he was a child, his mother had died sometime during the night between the thirtieth and the thirty-first, and his stepfather barely hours afterwards. Although the second was no great loss, but the circumstances … Albus sighed, staring out at the headstones. You couldn't change the past, but often he longed to re-write that particular event. Things could have turned out differently … And almost definitely for the better, Albus knew: after all, how could it possibly have been worse?

Changing that one event, however, would not help his daughter. A lump arose in Albus' throat as he remembered sweet, bouncy baby Aimee. He never knew what eventually happened to her. Her mother had been a Muggle who'd left Albus when she found out he was a wizard, and took Aimee with her. Albus had never traced her.

And then there was Harry Potter. Harry had now been in a coma close to six months, and showing no signs of waking up. His friends literally lived there, except for classes. Mrs Weasley visited regularly, as did Remus Lupin, who had developed a fairly close relationship with the young man in the last year, and Sirius, whose name had been cleared just before the attack when Pettigrew was caught, was refusing to leave Harry's side for a minute and was being force-fed by Mrs Weasley.

Recently the attacks from the Death Eaters had become less common, and rumours were flying that Voldemort was losing his touch. Albus suspected that he was actually planning something big, as did most of the Order.

In the last year or so Minerva had taken on most of the Order work that Albus used to do, to help him out and give him a break. Albus admitted it was stressful, but he hated not having anything to do more. Part of him knew that his part in the war was coming to an end, although he couldn't explain how he knew. Feeling useless was driving him mad.

Albus thought right back to the time when Voldemort had reappeared. Shortly afterwards he and Harry had sort of drifted apart, and not had much of a relationship. Albus regretted not being more involved with him, but that was all in the past now. It was filed away with the numerous other memories and regrets.

His mind was brought back to the present when he heard running footsteps, and turned to see a frazzled-looking Minerva hurrying towards him.

"Albus!" she called breathlessly, pausing by the wall to clutch a stitch.

"Minerva? What is it?"

"Harry! He's awake!"


A/N: Please review … I know I've been mysterious … That's what prologues are all about! Remember no flames and no OoC comments … unless you're telling me how much you liked my characterisation. Then it's okay.
Another thing about reviewing: Don't just write "Update!", even with a "Please" beforehand. If you're not going to write comments about the story, don't bother. I'm sensitive to pressure and lots of reviews screaming simply "Update!" is frustrating and do not get the chapters out faster. If anything they hinder them.

Note about reviewing: Please, for the love of Merlin, do not review simply to tell me to update! I get it all the time and am sick of it. If you review, please say what it is you did or didn't like, and bulk out your review as much as possible. Make it worth the review alert, please! As always I love guesses where the story is headed and what I'm going to do next, and helpful suggestions are always welcomed. Don't flame.