Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or Harry Potter.
Nothing Like That . . .
Prologue . . . The Boy Who May Have Lived
Konoha . . . two years after the start of Naruto 2 . . .
The stage-er street was completely dark as the two Shinobi emerged, "Is it true?" One of them demanded.
"That the Potters were killed? Yeah. Sucks, doesn't it?"
"Uh . . . well yeah, but I was talking about the rumor that we'd be getting a pay raise . . ." The female shinobi said, scratching her cheek. "So . . . was it "he whose name is too hard to pronounce?"
"None other than." The male ninja said gravely.
"Yeah . . . that's terrible. So anyway about that pay raise?"
"The chosen one . . . has been . . . chosen." The man said calmly.
"Are you dodging this question?" The woman demanded.
"Any minute now the chosen child will arrive . . . and his legend will begin."
"You are, aren't you? Typical, just like when I started talking to you about marriage!"
The man blinked, "What? Anko that's not in the script!"
"I'm through playing around Kakashi, either cough up a ring or we're through! I can find someone else!" Anko warned.
"You can't be serious." Kakashi groaned, holding his head. "Anko, this is more than just a play, remember?"
"Ooh, our mission to save all Konoha is in danger because I'm demanding commitment, is that what you're trying to say? Ooh I'm ruining Konoha's chances of survival by demanding a ring, look out!" Anko said folding her arms, "I'm not speaking another line until you cough up a ring."
"Uh . . . Hokage-sama?" Kakashi asked.
"Keep your personal problems separated from your work problems Mitarashi." The fifth sighed from somewhere off stage.
"Not until I know whether or not my last few years have been wasted on this man." Anko said firmly.
"Any time spent pursuing Hatake is a waste of time, Mitarashi, and it shouldn't affect you ability to perform this mission, you're a Jounin aren't you?"
"Am I?" Anko scoffed, "I've been a Special for quite a few years now."
There was an awkward pause and the sound of someone shuffling through papers, "Oh! Well . . . starting now you're a full Jounin so act like it."
"Well now then since I've been promoted Kakashi you should get me a present, how's about oh I dunno, a wedding ring!? Eh Kakashi? Uh . . . Kakashi? Where did he go?" Anko demanded, for Kakashi had indeed left the stage.
"All right, bring in the replacement." The fifth said.
"Yes ma'am! Now I, the handsome Might Gai will whisk you off your feet, here is my ring of-"
"I'm not interested in you so back off!" Anko screamed, "Eyebrows! I can feel them undressing me in their minds!"
"My eyebrows do not have minds of their own . . . but they do sometimes undress women, I'll admit." Gai sighed.
"Mitarashi you are not required to date Gai, there is no romantic scene at any time between your character and his, stick to the script!"
"I cant, they're staring at me!"
"Blast it Anko they're not staring at you!" Tsunade, the fifth Hokage screamed.
"We will migrate to her head, and be beautiful." The left brow said.
"What the heck?" Tsunade blinked.
"Move us servant, we demand migration!" The right brow commanded.
And so Gai ripped his eyebrows off and threw them at Anko.
Kakashi suddenly appeared and intercepted them, they slammed into his face, and cried "No! Lefty we've been deflected! Lefty?"
"I've been stuck to the forehead protector Righty! I'm dying!"
"No! My beloved brows!" Gai wailed.
"Uh . . . they did it better this morning, Madam Hokage." Shizune consoled the fifth.
"No . . . no they're no good Shizune." Tsunade said.
"But what else can we do?" Shizune asked.
Tsunade closed her eyes and sighed, "There is one other option . . ."
"But Tsunade-sama, they're only children!" Shizune cried, "You and the Kazekage agreed this mission could only be carried out by the very best Jounin our villages could spare!"
"They are ninja . . . and they are the only ones who can perform this task . . ."
There is a dramatic swell in the background music as Shizune nods, "I understand Tsunade-sama . . . I will summon-hey, cut that out!" She screams.
"Oops! My bad . . . I was just trying to affect the mood, you know?" The orchestra leader said, waving his stick and silencing the band.
"Anyway I'll call them in."
"Yes Shizune . . . summon . . . the Yamanaka Talent Troop . . . they are our only hope." Tsunade sighed, feeling exhausted just acknowledging that she'd have to put the fate of her village, as well as the village hidden in sand in the hands of a bunch of teenage shinobi who'd displayed little to no real acting talent whatsoever when they tackled and slaughtered the classical Ramon and Julia play three years ago . . . (read Something Like That . . . for details) but for this particular mission . . . perhaps the hairbrained antics of the Talent Troop were exactly what Konoha needed.
Tsunade glanced at her elite Jounin, Gai was curled up in the fetal position weeping for his eyebrows as Kurenai and Ebisu tried to pry them off of Kakashi's face and forehead protector while Anko hugged him and said "I knew you cared!"
"Don't take it the wrong way. I just don't want people to think I was dating a female version of Gai." Kakashi grumbled. "I'd rather die."
"So that's it huh? Well if that's how you feel I'll just kill you right now!"
"My eyebrows! My eyebrows!" Gai moaned on the floor.
"We're working on it, you idiot!" Kurenai scoffed.
"Lefty! Lefty hold on! We'll get you home Lefty!" The right eyebrow screamed.
"I see a light Righty . . . it's so beautiful . . ." The left eyebrow sighed.
"G-go . . . go into the light Lefty . . . I'll never forget you . . ."
"NNNOOOO!" Gai wailed.
Tsunade's eyes narrowed. Yeah, okay . . . maybe the teenagers wouldn't be so bad . . . after all they were still children so . . . they didn't worry about things like wedding rings and eyebrows.
Somewhere nearby . . . but not in a grocery store . . .
"It's real and official." Shikamaru said, trying her hide his nervousness as Temari looked into the box he'd given her for her twentieth birthday.
She looked annoyed and shut it, and stared at it as if the thing in that little box had somehow confused her. Shikamaru was thinking a mile a minute-which for him was almost normal anyway-and quickly said "It's no big deal . . . if you don't want it." She stared and remained silent, thinking. "But say something, don't be so troublesome." He said, trying to force an annoyed response from her.
How she hated it when he said "troublesome"
She opened Shikamaru's box again and looked inside. She took a deep breath, "You're just a kid, you can't give me one of these." She said.
And there it was, once again calling him a kid, like she always did when she was uncomfortable. If she was content she teased him about mentally being even older than she was, but when she got nervous she always had to go and pull rank with her age.
"Look if you don't want it I might be able to get my money back." Shikamaru said, annoyed buy trying not to let his disappointment show through it.
But Temari hid the box in a pocket, "No you already gave it to me, you can't take it back!" She said, "Are you serious though? I mean . . . you want me to-"
"Look Temari, we've been together a long time, right? I mean as friends and . . ." Shikamaru shook his head, this was going to be a real drag, "well I'm running out of excuses, running out of lies. They're not doing any good anyway, Naruto's such a loud mouth everyone knows what we are to each other. So we might as well make it official." He put his hands in his pockets, "Look, if you don't want to that's fine too. I can think up a few more lies, a few more good excuses to spend time with you . . . but it's getting troublesome."
Temari stared at the box again, taking it from her pocket and opening it up just a crack and peering inside. What was with her? How many times did she need to see it? "Shikamaru . . . I . . ." she began, but trailed off without really saying anything.
"Are you going to wear it or not?" Shikamaru asked, trying to hide his nervousness with impatience. Something like this shouldn't be making him nervous! This was such a simple matter really, either she'd wear it or she wouldn't. It shouldn't even bother him if she said "no" after all.
"Yes!" Temari snapped, then frowned slowly, "I mean no . . . no I mean yes but I . . . well yes I will but . . . it's complicated."
Shikamaru stared at her. Why should it be complicated? "It's as simple as this: Can you see yourself being happy with this . . . if it makes you happy what else matters?" Shikamaru sighed, "I mean you practically live here anyway."
But was that by choice? Shikamaru hadn't yet figured that one out. Temari had requested a job as Ambassador to Konoha, and it'd been granted by her brother, the Kazekage. But why had she done it? He couldn't figure her out, no matter how much time he spent with her.
And he spent quite a bit of time with her, since he'd been appointed as her tour guide and body guard for the past year, regardless of his attempts to regain his freedom Tsunade-sama would just laugh and tell him to get back to guarding the ambassador.
She was starting to blush, which meant he was embarassing her, or she was really angry but either way she usually got pretty upset when he made her blush, and punished him rather violently . . . but she was so cute when her cheeks started to-"Shika-kun . . ." She said, interrupting his thoughts, "I'll wear it . . . but you can't just throw it into my lap and expect me to accept it." She handed him the box, "I know you're lazy but there is a proper way to do this and I'd like you to do it properly."
Was this another one of her little games? Do it properly? What was the proper way to do this? "Do I have to? You know what this is, you know what it means." He said to stall as he tried to think . . . now how was this supposed to be done?
"If you don't want Kamatari to bite your ear off, you'll do it properly." Temari said simply.
Shikamaru groaned, "All right." He'd have to take a wild guess. He'd seen his dad do this for his mom on their aniversary . . . and his usually volitile mom hadn't exploded on his dad so he figured this was pretty much the proper way to present a gift such as this.
So he got down on one knee, and cleared his throat, "Temari I-" he began but stopped suddenly as someone came running towards them!
"Shikamaru! Temari-san! Hey!" Ino screamed.
Shikamaru had never been happier to see Ino. She reached them and bent over panting and holding her stomach. She held up a hand, telling him to wait as she caught her breath.
Shikamaru stood up and dropped the box in Temari's lap, "Wh-what is it Ino?" He demanded, glad that he could move on. Temari had agreed to wear it, there was no proper way about it as far as he knew so . . . he'd gotten off totally home free.
Ino looked up, still gasping for air, "Hhhh-ho! Hokage! Hokage wahhhnts-" Ino gasped and held her side.
"What does the old bat want?" Temari demanded, "Do you have any idea what you've just interrupted?"
Ino looked surprised, "No . . . what were you two doing?"
"Nothing!" Temari screamed, "Mind your own business, deliver your message and then leave. Leave or so help me I'll-"
Shikamaru smirked at her as he put a hand on her shoulder to calm her down. She blushed furiously and turned away. She was so cute when she blushed, even though right now she was probably homicidal . . . "Just kidding." She grunted.
Ino gasped for air a few seconds more then finally said "Temari-san, Shikamaru, I've got great news! Great news indeed, the Hokage, lady Tsunade has summoned us to her office."
What did the old bat want? "Us? The three of us?" Shikamaru asked.
"Us . . . as in all of us. The entire Yamanaka talent troop." Ino said with a grin, "I hope you can remember how to rhyme, because we're about to perform a play that'll go down in history! The Kazekage and the Hokage need us and our special talents!"
Oh boy. Shikamaru's feelings of gratitude towards Ino disappeared . . . now he kind of wanted her to stop existing. Was she seriously suggesting he and Temari rejoin her little actor's troop? The one that had been disbanded three years ago because it was stupid and pathetic and boring?
Ino ran off without another word, probably to search for more former members of the talent troop. Shikamaru turned back to Temari but she held up a hand. "No . . . let's wait until after this new mission is accomplished . . . then we'll deal with this."
Shikamaru nodded, relieved since he was pretty sure he'd been doing it wrong anyway, and offered her his hand. She stared at him for a moment as if she expected some kind of trick, but eventually she took it and they headed for the Hokage's office.
So the talent troop was back together, and about to be sent on a mission by the Hokage and th Kazekage . . . probably it'd be humiliating or extremely dangerous . . . why had he bothered to wake up today?
To Be Continued . . .
Take Note: Yeah . . . no rhyming yet. That is because the Talent Troop has not yet begun their play, no worries this story will have rhymes. The opening with Anko and Kakashi was a very badly done spoof of Harry Potter, but I am quite happy with it. You may feel cheated as the second half of the story was pretty much just the same as the ending of the final Aftershock for "Something Like That . . ." but this time it was Shikamaru's POV so . . . yeah. Anyway story gets better once the actual play starts, enjoy and remember to review!