Nothing Like That . . .

Episode III

Auditioning?

Neji scratched the back of his head, "So uh . . . what's my motivation?"

"Tenten." Ino said, answering via microphone from the front row seats of the theater along with the rest of the talent troop as the "acting hierarchy" was established.

"Yeah okay. But what am I aiming for?"

"Tenten." Ino repeated.

"Yeah but what's the whole point of this? I mean you didn't even give me a script!" Neji cried.

"Just rhyme and try to get it on with Tenten!" Ino screamed into her microphone.

"Now by "get it on" you mean just acting right?" Neji asked.

"We'll see where the scene takes us." Ino said.

Neji shook his head. "Uh okay. Uh . . . Tenten my love, with features soft as a dove, won't you join me in matrimony?"

"No, no, marry me, the handsome Rock Lee, Neji is full of baloney!" Lee cried, barging on stage.

"Oh for crying out loud Lee, wait your turn!" Ino cried.

"I thought you liked Sakura." Kiba said, scratching his head.

"I'll never find a girl as beautiful as Sakura-chan, but I, Rock Lee am but a man, and Tenten is built like a dream." Lee admitted.

"Look Lee go away, don't goof off today, or I'll tie you to a crossbeam!" Tenten cried, "You don't want to screw with me, I'm auditioning with Neji, and damn it I'm going to get kissed!"

"Whoa whoa, what's this? Who said anything about a kiss? Damn it Ino I'm pissed!" Neji shouted.

"Okay, okay. Neji you're good, but we need great so you can't be lead."

"Thank you!" Neji cried.

Then Tenten leapt out and grabbed him and forced her lips to his, "I will not be denied!" She cried triumphantly, however she only kissed a log for Neji had used the substitution Jutsu.

"Uh . . . well gee that raises some questions about Neji's sexual preferences." Kiba said, stealing Ino's microphone to make a comment.

"No it doesn't!" Neji and Ino both screamed.

"What the heck?" Tenten demanded.

"Sorry! It's just a reflex when people jump at me!" Neji called from the back row of the audience.

"Fine. I'll come over there and sit with you!" Tenten called sweetly.
"No, no . . . you sit with Lee. I'm boxed in here between Sai and Naruto."

"Next up to audition, Sai and Naruto." Ino said.

"Oh that frees up the seats!" Tenten said happily.

"Damn it!" Neji cried.

Now Naruto leapt onstage and cracked his knuckles, "All right, all I have to do is rhyme, right?"

"Correct, idiot." Sai said cheerfully.

"All right, what's my motivation? And don't say Sai!" Naruto said.

Ino scoffed, "Duh! It's a romantic play, your motivation is Sakura, you both want her, but neither of you can have her, you're challenging Sai to a duel for Sakura's love!"

"How come he gets actual motivation?" Neji demanded but Ino ignored him.

Naruto took a deep breath. "Okay, just gotta rhyme. Here goes! Hey Sai you jerk, Sakura's going to be mine, and you can't stop me!"

Sai stared at Naruto for a minute, what was he waiting for?

Naruto felt he'd done a pretty awesome job with those rhymes, so what was taking Sai so long to come up with his? It was so easy!

"Uh . . . moving on." Sai said at last, "Idiot Naruto so lacking in mind, try to fight me and I think you'll find, that I'm just too much for you to top, so give it up, you might as well stop."

Naruto scoffed. Those rhymes weren't so hot. "Sai you're a dweeb, and you're probably on weed. I don't like you and you'd only make Sakura so sad she'd turn purple."

"Uh . . . Naruto do you know how to rhyme?" Sai asked.

"Why? What was wrong with that?" Naruto demanded.

"It was . . . bad." Sai said.

"I can rhyme real easy!" Naruto said.

"Okay then Naruto, rhyme." Sai said. "Any old rhyme."

"No sweat! Okay here goes! I am Uzumaki Naruto, and I'm going to rule!"

"Okay enough. Get him off stage!" Ino cried.

"Bye Sai!" Naruto waved, but to his shock he was suddenly dragged off stage!

"Okay Naruto, you're going to have to be the props." Ino said.

"Be the props?" Naruto asked.

"Yes, you'll be working with Hinata; she was the props last time. Hinata! You're promoted to Head of Props. Naruto is under you!"

"H-h-he's wh-wh-wh-where?!" Hinata squeaked, looking under hear seat all of a sudden.

Naruto scratched his head. What a weird girl.

But she sure did have nice knockers.

Not that that had anything to do with anything.

He spied Shikamaru and Temari just hanging out together and decided to be . . . Troublesome.

He rushed over and sat down between them, "You two any good at rhyming?"

"Better than you." Temari scoffed.

"Not that that wasn't a nice try." Shikamaru sighed.

"So what's up with you two? Aren't you going to play the lead?"

"Not if we can help it." Shikamaru said.

"But it'd be so easy for you. Since you two actually are in love it'd be easy to act it out." Naruto said obnoxiously.

"Well I wouldn't say 'in love', I mean we like each other okay." Shikamaru said.

"The hell are you talking about?" The older woman demanded, "If you don't love me then why did you give me a-oh right. Yeah we're just friends, Naruto. I don't go for younger guys. Neji's hot though. He is eighteen now, right?" Temari shrugged.

"Wait, wait, wait . . . what'd he give you?" Naruto jeered.

"Go impersonate a dead body." Shikamaru said darkly.

"He gave you something romantic, didn't he?" Naruto insisted.

Temari blushed and shook her head, "I-he did not! And it's none of your business. Hey, when did you suddenly believe you could speak to me? I'm a Jounin, salute damn it!"

"You're from Suna so it doesn't matter." Naruto said, jabbing Shikamaru, "How about you?"

"I'm a Jounin too . . . salute, Naruto." Shikamaru smirked.

"Since when did we start saluting anyway? We're all part of the Talent Troop, right?"

"True. Very well then my darling, should we tell him?" Temari asked.

"If we tell anyone we should tell Gaara first." Shikamaru said.

"Yes. Now let us assume you don't want to die, I think we can tell Naruto, he's one of your friends."

"You mean I'm not your friend Temari?" Naruto blinked.

"No." The woman said flatly.

"Oh all right. Tell him. But afterwards I get to tell Chouji."

"Fine, but I'm telling Tenten too."

"Then I get to tell Neji."

"We can tell them both at once and get Lee in at the same time." Temari said.

"If we assume Lee will tell Sakura then Ino will know too." Shikamaru reasoned.

"Assume nothing. You tell Ino, I'll talk to Sakura."

"Okay, so what about me?" Naruto said. "Is either one of you going to tell me?" Naruto demanded.

"Oh right. Naruto . . . Temari and I are having a baby. She's been pregnant for the last ten months." Shikamaru said.

"Oh sweet!" Naruto cried, "Name the kid Naruto, I demand it--hey wait, ten months?"

"Yeah. Something wrong with that?" Shikamaru smirked.

"You mean weeks right?"

"No, I said months." Shikamaru shrugged.

"It's freakin' impossible." Naruto said. "Fine, you won't tell me I'll figure it out myself!"

"Go for it." Shikamaru said with a grin.

"Lets see . . . she isn't pregnant or you'd never have said it . . . but it's something that's going to piss off Gaara, even I take it, with his new nice guy attitude?"

"Oh yeah." Temari nodded.

"You're getting married." Naruto said flatly.

"Sure. Why not." Temari waved a hand in the air.

"Damn it, that can't be true either or you'd deny it!" Naruto cried.

"Temari! Shikamaru! Stop playing with Naruto and get on stage! I want you to show them how it's done!"

"How what's done?" Temari demanded. "Are you asking us to have sex on that stage?"

"What? No . . ."

"Are you sure? Because we can." Temari said.

"Temari." Shikamaru grumbled.

"Just get down here and rhyme!" Ino screamed.

"Yeah, you heard The Ino." Kiba said, rolling his eyes.

"The Ino . . . hey I like that!" Ino cried

Naruto sat back and watched as Shikmaru and Temari got on stage. "Okay . . . so what's our motivation?"

"Just don't perv it up, Temari!" Ino cried.

"Right. Okay . . ." Temari yawned.

"Oh Temari dearest, I'm happy when you're nearest. Your love completes me, but I hate plays completely."

"Very funny!" Ino screamed.

"That's great Shikamaru honey, but I need some money-"

"You're not a prostitute!" Ino screamed.

"Uh . . . okay I've got nothing." Temari shrugged.

"Noting, oh I think not. I mean you're terribly hot, and rhyming has always been so easy." Shikamaru assured her.

"Yeah but perversion makes it funny, so I demand money, without jokes romance makes me queasy." Temari said.

Naruto shook his head, "Boo! You guys don't even rhyme!"

To Be Continued . . .

Little Note: I cannot wait for the first Scene Prep and the beginning of the play. If only Ino could decide on what it should be about.